Hello,

My name is Huan. I am a 26-year-old (almost 27) engineering graduate student at the University of Texas at Arlington. I currently worked part time as a GTA while studying. Meanwhile, I am living at home with my Asian family (parents and a sister). The house we currently lived in will someday (in the far future) be passed on to us with a property title under me or my sibling's name. Therefore, living by myself in another house or apartment is not even considered an option into my future middle-age life at this point.

Thus, I am thinking of how to come out and confess to my parents that I am a MtF transexual (a woman trapped in a man's body). The absolute worst case is that they might kick me out of the house. And so, I am seriously looking for someone in my local area or at the university who can provide me support if that were to happen. So far, no luck. Maybe I am not looking hard enough?? I could use some big help please. T_T

PS: As a woman, I love to wear "punk lolita" type clothing.

So that's what Lolligoth looks like.  Friend and I were talking about Japanese fashion the other day. 

Unfortunately I am on the other side of the Pacific so can't help directly other than to suggest  an ad on a student noticeboard.  Lots of them up on boards at UTas.

Karen.

Hi Huan,
I'm in much the same predicament as Karen, albeit on the warmer northern side of Tassie, near Sydney. (Sorry, private joke)

Perhaps presenting your GID (Gender Identity Disorder) to your parents in a medical context could help them understand your plight a little better than how you described it in a body sense.

GID is a well documented medical condition, of which you had absolutely no choice. Your parents are not to blame,it's one of those birth defects created through a variety of causes somehow linked to hormone, genetics, environmental conditions and a plethora of other medical factors.

Perhaps if your local GP could explain it to them, coming from a professional may carry a bit more weight your way.

Does the Uni print a student paper you can advertise in?

Hope it goes well for you. Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

You mean putting up a notice with my name on the public UTA Shorthorn newspaper, saying that I am looking for transgender support? Or something like that?

you could try the family meeting move. i know thats what my parents and family did. although i will have to tell you waitting on them to tell you what they decide for days is like waiting for an HIv test.

Well I have just confess to my Asian dad since he found out I ordered a female anime costume set.

His response:
He thinks I am going through a phase and that I should be patient enough to accept my male body (being a man). And he backs it up with some Buddhist philosophy with respect to attachment and suffering. As for my Asian mother, who is out of the country right now and will return soon, he mentioned that she also liked me as a man the way I am or else she will suffer the "ridicule" from others around her if I were to go ahead and start on a transition path to a woman and dressing like a woman.

I find this outrageously unacceptable!!!  Do I have to wait this out or what?!!  I am extremely frustrated!!! What should I do?!!!

(PS: My dad now thinks it is the chicken hormones that influence me to want to become a woman. This is.....Oh my god!!!! *bewildered*)

Back a few centuries ago when I was young, there was a line parents used to use all the time. "As long as you are living under my roof you ..........." You knew that they meant it also.

If you are relying on your parents support to get through school, you are essentially stuck living by their rules. Finding a job as an engineer in the US is difficult right now, even with tons of experience in esoteric areas. Your best option after putting things off is finding an engineering job and finishing school part-time. Of course, keep in mind you may not have one for long after transition.

My nephew with a Masters has been living at home leaching of my sister and husband for 2 years now. I tried to tell him forget engineering if you want a job.

My father was a Buddhist. I regret that I wasn't able to come out to him before he died.

Every tradition is different, but some things are held in common. The Buddha taught that it is every living being's duty to practice compassion and to alleviate suffering where possible in all living things. We are not excused to leave ourselves out of the equation, we must also value the well being of our self as much as others and alleviate our own suffering if possible. One of the worst causes of suffering is resisting true conditions. When we deny that we are transgender people who must transition to live, we increase the suffering in the world. The suffering of a person with gender dysphoria/ gender identity disorder if untreated is as great as almost any syndrome there is. It is our duty as compassionate beings to attempt to alleviate it if we can. If a man is on fire, we do not tell him that his suffering does not exist. We pour water on his flames and then treat his wounds. If we are on fire, we do the same. If a woman is bleeding to death, we do not lecture her about detachment; we apply pressure to halt the bleeding, then get her to the hospital. The same applies to gender dysphoria, which causes immense suffering until treated. It is not an illusion; denying its existence is the illusion.
We can and should be compassionate to those beings who are trapped in the illusion which causes them to hate transgender people or to deny the reality of their condition, and be patient with their development. But please take care of your self as well as you possibly can.
I wish you well Aerolight!

I should have been clearer in that I meant in terms of accommodation. Is there a GLBTIQ or Queer society at your Uni? 
Dharma applies both ways, your parents have a duty to you also.

Karen.

Quote from: JoanneB on October 24, 2012, 11:59:18 PM
Back a few centuries ago when I was young, there was a line parents used to use all the time. "As long as you are living under my roof you ..........." You knew that they meant it also.

If you are relying on your parents support to get through school, you are essentially stuck living by their rules. Finding a job as an engineer in the US is difficult right now, even with tons of experience in esoteric areas. Your best option after putting things off is finding an engineering job and finishing school part-time. Of course, keep in mind you may not have one for long after transition.

My nephew with a Masters has been living at home leaching of my sister and husband for 2 years now. I tried to tell him forget engineering if you want a job.

i remember that saying too. after the shotgun in my mouth my family changed their minds, i dont rec, that way though. luckly my toe was not at a good angle to reach the tripper. i think if your under their roof still do it in secret until you can move out. given time they may come around

UPDATE: My mom told me to finish my doctoral studies and get a full-time job first. (May take some years.) All this before taking HRT and transitioning. This can be quite depressing for me to endure while living as a man. This Spring semester, I am going to try to get down to 130 lbs or so to get a somewhat more feminine figure.

By the way, if I work at a public university in the near future, would the academic community be accepting of transexual women?

They may or may not, depends on their background.  There are discrimination laws protecting you, so don't worry too much about losing your job because you are trans unless you feel you have to quit. 

IF you do decide to wait it out, if you're one of those Asians with very little body hair, lucky you. If not, you can start lasering it now since it's "relatively" cheap. You can also practice your voice so that when time comes, you can jump right into it, though having to revert to man voice every day can be difficult to keep up the progress.   You can tell your friends so you know there are at least SOME around you who will accept you and who you can talk to in person, without having to go to an psychologist or something (though that's kind of required anyway, but when you're not there, you'll have someone to talk to).