I figured I'd post this and just update it as it goes so I'm not cluttering up the forum ^_^.


5/21/2012

Had my first session today. I was super nervous to the point I almost got sick. lol. My stutter was out in full force too. But after a couple minutes me and the lady just clicked. It felt like a truly safe place. We what I assume is the normal intake stuff. She learned about my back ground, my strengths and what I consider to be my weaknesses. She was very pleased that I have spent the past 3 years or so just learning about transition and the steps. She said it's glad to see someone who has done their homework rather than spur of the moment rush rush rush. She also asked about my support system. I mentioned Susans here and that I've learned a lot on here and heard real life experiences. She also loved that I have close friends and a GF that is extremely supportive since suicide is sadly not unheard of for the GLBT community. She asked if I had started hormones, been dressing, why do I think I am trans, etc. She said that she thinks my next step is hormones after I've reached a few small goals as a "testing" period to help me make sure it's right for me. ( And I agreed that she could kinda push me because if she doesn't set a goal timeframe I'll stagnate lol ^_^)

The goals are:
1: By our next visit in two weeks to spend one day completely in female clothing, even if I am just at home but she'd prefer if I went to at least one public place.

2: To start thinking of m female name. I use Jess on here because it's just the first thing that popped into my head but I don't care much for it.

3: To talk more to my Mom who I just came out to and make sure everything is 100% ok so that she can be my support in telling my Dad.

4: Talk to my doctor and see how long I need therapy before I can start hormones.

I think these are reasonable enough to do. With the help of my GF and two closest friends I have chosen my female name. Madison and this Thursday me and the GF are going shopping so I have one full nice outfit so I can wear it and start getting comfortable with it in public.

All in all it was great. I was worried it would be a waste of money for me personally, but it has helped empower me and give me strength. That along with the encouragement from my GF and friends I haven't been this happy in 3 years.

Good for you Madison! Where do you think you will go to get out in fem?

Madison is a BEAUTIFUL name.

I am glad to hear that your first therapy was enjoyable, for that can be hard to find these days. For 6 years I have been jumping from therapist to therapist and I could not find one that clicked with me.

JS04011027, I'll be doing my all fem day probably this Thursday, as far as public, Im not sure. Depends on my confidence really, but hopefully soon. I really need my hair cut first. lol. My hair is to my bum.

ThatTallGirl, THANKS! My GF and two closest friends helped me pick it and that's what they say fits me best and they can call me Maddi

As far as looks go, I know a Madison that is CLEARLY a 10, so when I hear the name I cant help but to associate it with beauty.

*Scratches head* Still trying to find a name for myself really 

Congratulations Madison, that is a nice name.

Just a fun word of warning. Once Madison goes out as herself and spends the day as herself, there is NO putting the girl back in the bottle.

Enjoy your life honey

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 21, 2012, 11:31:18 PM
As far as looks go, I know a Madison that is CLEARLY a 10, so when I hear the name I cant help but to associate it with beauty.

*Scratches head* Still trying to find a name for myself really 

I liked Clare, my cousin is a Clare and she has similar facial features

Those are some pretty big steps for a second session aren't they? I mean I just had my first session last week and I couldnt even imagin going out dressed yet. Congrats for being so proactive though!

They are very big steps too in my opinion. When she asked if she could set me some goals shemade sure I knew that if I was comfortable I didn't have to do them or could put them off. Just I know how I am and I need encouragement and at times some "tough love" lol. That and I've been thinking on this for around 3 years now and been on Susan's at least a year and a half asking questions and PMing members just hearing real life experiences so my shrink thought I was ready and was happy with the care and thought I've put into it.

I finally have all my clothes minus shoes (Curse having large feet!) and I am all set for my day in public this Saturday at the Gay Pride event. That and my female posse for protection. lol. ;^)

I guess since I have my official female name (even my friends are calling me Maddi) I need to change it on here. ^_^

I love hearing about people just getting started on the road to happiness.

I can't wait to follow your progress Congrats!

Quote from: JessicaG on May 21, 2012, 08:47:59 PM
I think these are reasonable enough to do. With the help of my GF and two closest friends I have chosen my female name. Madison and this Thursday me and the GF are going shopping so I have one full nice outfit so I can wear it and start getting comfortable with it in public.

Love the name Madison, as you can tell by my avatar.

UPDATE 6/3

Went to the Gay Pride event in full female clothing. I was super nervous but that went away really quickly after seeing other trans girls and guys. I felt really good in my clothes although I wore sunglasses because i was self conscious about my eye makeup. I went with my girlfriend and two other lesbian couples. We went to Subway for lunch which wasn't in the Pride event so I was nervous going in true public. At Subway I was ordering and was Ma'm and Sir'ed lol. When my back was turned one of the girls I was with seen one worker hold his hands to his chest and mouth the word "Boobs?" to his coworker. They couldn't tell if I was male or female, but they were still really nice and smiled. So I was a big boost that I kinda passed.

Later that night I was instantly grouped with the females when they split the sexes for a game thing. And my GF posted a pic of us on Facebook and her friend said, "I thought you had a boyfriend? Never knew you were like that. Happy for you though." So her friend honestly thinks I'm a girl too. lol.

I also seen my therapist there. She didn't ackowledge me to protect doctor/patient confidentiality but when I initiated she was very welcoming and extremely proud of me for being in full girl mode. She said I look like a normal female ableit a bit awkward cause I am just a awkward person lol. She meant it with love.

So thats another check off the list for the therapist and should have my next session this week if I can afford it.

Update!! 7/7/2012

I haven't been able to see my therapist much due to money issues. ($125 a session and no insurance really makes it difficult.) I'm not officially on hormones yet. I talked to my doctor through my tribe about starting them and he said that he can prescribe them but I can't get them through the tribes pharmacy. Has to do with their political crap.  (Side note there is a Native American group working to change that and they are getting closer.) So I did I Susan's no no.    I spent a week researching dosages and hormones/chemicals in HRT and got my doc to give me a blood test. I have a close friend who was able to get me what I needed.

I've been on hormones for almost a month now and I have had a few slight changes. Depending on your outlook they are good or bad. lol.
So far I have been a bit mood swingy, my nipples are super sensitive (they always kinda were but now....whoa buddy! lol) and from my girlfriend and close friends the over all way I act is different. Weather these are from hormones or a placebo effect I don't know, but they are real to me.

One unique think though, during the first 2 weeks, I'd have a strange feeling in my chest, shoulders, and arms. Not a pain, not a good or bad deeling, just a feeling. Not sure what that was but it's stopped.

Hey all!

Sorry I haven't been on here much, but I have some good news to report and since i've seen some new names on here maybe this can help them out as well.

Well first off I have a kick a....butt job now. I work for the City at the water plant where we make, treat, and distribute the cities water. It's like a big chemesty lab and I am being trained and schooled to be the Asst Chemist. I have also been able to afford to see my therapist alot more too.

Therapy has been going really good in my opinion. I've started living part time and came out to just about everyone except my Dad and co workers. After a session she said I really needed to go in public more to make sure I can handle it after I told her I was scared of running into bigots. So after the session I went all over town and just....did it. Ran into one prick but for the most part got smiles and treated normally. Then went straight to my old job (tattoo shop) to see them and just walked in as me. They didn't know I was trans so it was a big deal to just walk in and be all "Hey guys!" lol. Since doing this my being dicouraged about transitions has went almost all away and helped my depression, but there is some still there.

So far no hormones yet, my shrink says I still need a bit more work before shes comfortable refering me but says I am close and reffered me to the doctor she sends her patients to. (Trans friendly doc). My last session she introduced me to Rachel, A post up girl so I could ask questions to someone whos been there and done it. It was so cool to finally meet someone like me in person. I knew others were like me, but physically meeting them did wonders. Rachel offered to be my "transition coach" for free. Basically someone to ask questions, mentor me, make sure I have my ducks in a row, etc. She's seen girls fail before and end up in bad spots or commit suicide so her goal is to help others. We hit it off great and I think it will be a good resource to have.

I have to admit I feel that I am more than ready for hormones, but she is the one with the degree and she and Rachel want me to succeed. I think if I can secure my job it will be smooth-er sailing. lol. Also...another problem is I don't have nearly enough clothes! 

Hope everyone here is well and look forward to being on here again.

~Madison

Quote from: Maddi on October 25, 2012, 06:39:46 PM
I have to admit I feel that I am more than ready for hormones, but she is the one with the degree and she and Rachel want me to succeed.

Sweetie, it shouldn't be up to your therapist, it should be your decision. If you look at the WPATH standards of care (http://www.wpath.org/documents/SOC%20V7%2003-17-12.pdf), first sentence of the last paragraph on page 25:

QuoteIt is important for mental health professionals to recognize that decisions about hormones are first and foremost a client's decisions

Of course you may decide to defer to your therapists judgment, but the decision should be yours.

Really now? I've heard of WPath and my therapist has mentioned it, but ive never read it to be honest. I'll bring that up my next session and maybe ill be able to get to.see.the doctor

Update 11/29/12

Finally found a doctor to see me about hormones through my Indian tribe health care. Really surprised me actually. Sadly my doctor is leaving to go into private practice but he talked with me and asked alot of questions since I hadn't ever brought it up to him. I told him about seeing my therapist, history of everything, my intentions, difficulty finding a doctor and a copy of the WPATH guide (Thanks agfrommd for that link!")

He said that he couldn't help me but wanted to talk with someone. After 10 min or so he said the director of the whole clinic/mini hospital had helped a post up TG before and she said she would be happy to have me as a patient there. Which is great because not only is she willing to help me, she has experience doing it.

The best part of all is my doctor and endocrinologist will both be in the same building and whatever my insurance doesn't cover, the tribe will!
It's like karma is finally coming back. I won't get to see her until January because she has a lot of paitents, but it's well worth the wait and gives me time to triple check that I am ready for it.

The doctors were also happy with how informed I was when it comes to the steps, regulations, my rights, what medicines to ask about, etc and a lot of that I learned here talking to all of you and reading your alls posts. So even if it is just me saying this, this site has done its job and helped me greatly.

That is great news Maddi.

Congrats

Hugs

Cindy