ay, ay, ay... were to start? well if you read my topic before asking for help you will know im in a tight spot, but now its... god i dont even know. im gonna be self admitting to a long term mental health institute to straighten things out, which downright terrifys me.

but after a talk with my normal therapist, and telling him what ive been thinking a lot the past few months, and how ive pretty much given up hope on life, though i still haven't been able to tell him the REAL reason why. its just so.. hard. im so terrified of it. and even though i orignaly wanted to try and work a seasonal job at amazon and see him on weekly basis he reminded me i have a really, really. REALLY bad history of missing sessions. its not that i want to but every time they come up i completely space them out, or im to scared of telling him about my transexuality that i run and hide.


hence the reason im so damn scared, im going to tell them when im admited, and it scares the living hell out of me, but i know i have to and i know myself which is the whole reason im going in, besides me being at a high suicide risk i know i wont come out with this unless im backed into a corner, so im going there myself.  its just.. uhg. i wana cry i dont know what to do! how to say it what to think it sucks! it hurts so much to the point were i wana put a gun muzzel in my mouth! uhg X.X and i know thats not the right thing to do but i just cant handle this! it hurts so much!

i hate being me. even my problems have problems >.> as if being a woman stuck in this pathetic mans body wasint enouge my depresion anxeity and bi-polar make it almost impossible just to go outside! i HATE it! i just dont know what to do.. i just hope going in is the right thing to do.. what do you gals have to say?

also, sorry for the bad spelling and gramor, i was never good to start with and im to stressed to double check.

It sounds like going into this treatment program will be beneficial for you. I know it is scary to come out to someone, but it can be a huge relief once you finally do it. For me, finally telling someone how I felt, and who I really am alleviated a lot of my issues. It might do the same for you. You have already made a huge step by reaching out for support and understanding. Keep going on that track, it will be worth it in the end. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find the courage you need to get all the help you would like.

And I'll be agreeing with Brooke. For me coming out to other people has been a lit like admitting (or more lately affirming) something to myself. The first time is the hardest time and from thereon out the rest gets easier. I've also found that the stress that was being caused by not acknowledging the dysphoria was tainting nearly everything else.

Oh and I needed backing in to a corner to admit it to myself to,  albeit a slightly different corner.  For me it was because trans anything was outside of my understanding.

Easy coming-out strategy for cowards: write "I'm a transsexual" on a piece of paper, and hand it to your therapist. Or email it, if you have their address. Then they're going to be the one to ask about it, and you only have to react.

well you really do need to tell them if you want to get better and get the show on the road. like others have said you can write it down and give them the note or just blurt it out. we know its hard but saying it is the first step. they most likely already have an idea or know from what many many people told me after i said it. or just flat out asked me. even when you say no to them they are like," its ok, your secrect is safe with me" 

I agree with the others, just blurt it out. I think the written note is a great idea. For my family and relatives I used a one page letter so they could work out what they wanted to ask me before I spoke to them. It worked well. Instead of sitting there dumbfounded they started talking to me knowing what the conversation was about.

Quote from: Tristan on October 25, 2012, 09:00:35 PM
even when you say no to them they are like," its ok, your secrect is safe with me" 

I have now reached the point where I say 'Please do not keep it a secret. Do me a favour and tell everyone. It will save me a lot of repetitive conversations'

Honestly, compared to anything else a psych hears, "I am Transsexual" doesn't even rate.  Like the others have said, just say it.  You'll be fine.

Karen.