Over the years I've had a number of people say I was attractive. Of course everyone has their own personal opinions of what they think is attractive in a person. But because I've spent most of my life hating my body, I just don't see it ... or accept it ... or something to that effect. I should throw out there that most of the people who have said this over the years have thought I was attractive in an androgynous way or attractive as a feminine-looking guy. No one has ever really said I was attractive as a female.

I'm kind of puzzled by it all, again because I never have really viewed myself in a positive light in that respect. I was recently hit on by a random chick who was probably in her 20's. I got the strong impression that she did not think I was female (could be she was half drunk I don't know, but just the stuff she was saying led me to believe this). But sometimes I really wonder if women hit on me because they're lesbians or they think I am. Although no one has ever called me a lesbian or come on to me and then said something that would have tipped me off that they thought I was one. It's all really a bit confusing for me.

I've also been in situations where I'm hanging out with a friend who, let's just say, knows the REAL me and we're in public and they're treating me as male, up to and including introducing me as male with my male name to other people and those other people seem to accept it without questioning it. I've even had things happen where a friend will tell me what someone else said about me such as, "oh he was cute!" I just have a hard time with it all. Perhaps somewhere in the back of my mind I'm always thinking that people are just humoring me or something or trying not to be rude if I'm introduced as male to them and I have feminine traits? I guess this is where it all ties into the self confidence thing. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but just felt the need to post about it and maybe get other people's insight and outlook on this sort of thing ...

I seem to always get told that I'm cute and adorable I don't see it but hey I'll take it 

Quote from: Justin 21 on October 07, 2012, 12:54:22 AM
I seem to always get told that I'm cute and adorable I don't see it but hey I'll take it 

I get both of those too. But again, referred to as male adorable rather than female adorable. Maybe it's cause I'm just a small dude as well. Like people consider short guys more cute or something?

Size is ONE thing... how deep is your voice? Baritone?

Cute = short-ish + cute-ish voice + small hands and well, feet. That be cute... not quite brute, eh

Axélle

I get called cute/attractive/adorable by people on the internet quite a lot, but rarely in real life -- I think I give off a scary demeanor or something -- and I really can't understand why either, or whether they mean it in a male or female way.  Actually the only time I get called 'cute' in the real world is by one of my mates who keeps saying stuff like "there's nothing cuter than a sleepy little butch lesbian" but I was so tired I was trying to sleep standing up leaning against a wall at the time so I guess I might have looked slightly cute...

And being a short person myself I think that some people do find it cute, no idea why though.  I suppose it's like thinking puppies and kittens or other small animals are adorable, which feels slightly demeaning to think about it.

I have no idea what to do when people say things like that, if you deny it it sounds like you're looking for attention, but just saying "thank you" means you sound a bit arrogant to me.

I think learning to accept praise from others, especially on a subject like your body which we're all sensitive about, definitely comes down to self-esteem.
Before transitioning when people would tell me I was attractive as a girl, I'd feel super awkward and stuff, thinking they were just trying to make me feel better 'cus I obviously hated myself.

Now, as a guy, I appreciate it and feel good when people compliment my looks because I'm comfortable in my own skin and it's like they're actually talking about 'me', y'know? But there's still a voice inside that says "Well, at least I look normal enough now, hopefully they don't find out what's really up or they wouldn't be sayin ->-bleeped-<-..." so I still always feel like a secret freak disguising myself among the cis population.

I dont mind being attractive as long its not in a blindness way.
having people telling me they think im attractive/good looking or whatever is fine, but I feel its annoying when they aply it for something or somethimes when they use it as a flirt, I rather have them compliment me something about me as a person than my look.

Quote from: Natkat on October 07, 2012, 01:44:55 PM
having people telling me they think im attractive/good looking or whatever is fine, but I feel its annoying when they aply it for something or somethimes when they use it as a flirt, I rather have them compliment me something about me as a person than my look.

Couldn't that seem disingenuous though if they just met you? Physical attractiveness is often all we have to go on when we first meet someone. It might be what makes them interested in getting to know you better to find out if you have other qualities they find attractive. Should they withhold any compliments at all? A tasteful compliment is often a tactful way of conveying interest to see if there is any interest in return.

I really didn't get many people telling me I was atttractive until I started transitioning, because to me, attractiveness shines all the brighter when you're comfortable in your skin.  However, and this is what HOPELESLY MADDENS me is that despite having so many people ooh and aww over how "attractive" I am, no one seems to want to treat me as anything but eye candy or be anything closer and more meaningful than a "friend of a very good-looking person".  Which often makes me think, what's the point of being so attractive if it doesn't attract anyone?

Quote from: insideontheoutside on October 07, 2012, 12:34:29 AM
Over the years I've had a number of people say I was attractive.

It's hard for anyone to gauge their own attractiveness. We look at ourselves in the mirror every day and have been since we were kids long before we cared much about such things (before puberty). I could see it being a little more so for anyone who has experienced a fair degree of dysphoria. Hormone therapy is gradual so you may not notice what are in fact pretty significant changes.

YouTube was quite an eye-opener for me. I've seen so many channels of really good-looking guys (IMHO), then checked out an old pre or early transition video out of curiosity and thought "Holy crap. How can that be the same person? That's a woman and not at all attractive." (to me, of course, because I'm gay).

If someone gives you a compliment, I'd say take it at face value unless they give you some particular reason to think otherwise.

Axélle - I sound like a teenage boy in the voice department, so I'm sure that doesn't help. Not a whole lot I can do about stuff I can't change though.

Quote from: Alex000000 on October 07, 2012, 10:51:20 AM
I have no idea what to do when people say things like that ....

Yeah I usually don't either, except to awkwardly say, "thanks". Once I asked, "what do you think makes me attractive". The answer was something like, "Well you have nice facial structure and you're just hot!" Not very helpful lol

Quote from: Euan on October 07, 2012, 11:53:41 AM
I think learning to accept praise from others, especially on a subject like your body which we're all sensitive about, definitely comes down to self-esteem.

I'm thinking this as well. It really does seem like something you have to learn ... especially if you've spent your whole life hating how you look/what body you have.

I think that a lot of people gain self confidence through being in romantic relationships. Like having someone actively, physically attracted to you and being intimate with that person can build your own self esteem. I purposely avoided relationships throughout my life, and when I was in them I'd do whatever I could to attempt to avoid the physical stuff. When I felt there was no other way to avoid it, I'd participate but only on a very superficial level - never really letting myself get comfortable or "let go". In general, this pissed people off and there went the relationship! So I really have no one to blame but myself for this whole non-acceptance thing. People throughout my life have been willing to accept me, it's just I have not learned to accept myself.  I'm trying to figure it out. Probably a nice step 1 would be learning to accept compliments.

girls say im cute and such. but i tend to not believe them because girls say im cute but they never like me and also i have issues with myself and my imperfections.

Haven't gotten this myself (most of the time I see people it's in a classroom format or I'm at work, so not exactly conducive to compliments except being told that I seem to know what I'm talking about), but you could always just laugh or joke it off. That's pretty much my go-to whether I know how to respond or not, and it's pretty easy to come across as modest opposed to arrogant.

Quote from: Noah G. on October 07, 2012, 03:49:16 PM
Haven't gotten this myself (most of the time I see people it's in a classroom format or I'm at work, so not exactly conducive to compliments except being told that I seem to know what I'm talking about), but you could always just laugh or joke it off. That's pretty much my go-to whether I know how to respond or not, and it's pretty easy to come across as modest opposed to arrogant.

I have that problem too, where I'm at work all the time. It doesn't help you get a sense on how well you are passing because everyone knows. So chances are you wont get complemented very often. so when I am complemented, I really dont know how to take it. Because I sure as heck didn't get told I was good-looking when I was a guy (Which apparently I was, according to the women at work.)
funny how that goes sometimes.

Yea, or worse yet you're not out at work (still trying to decide what to do as far as work goes), and half the time when you are passing someone comes along and f-s it up. Makes it difficult to know where you stand with people sometimes, especially when it seems half of them get it right gender-wise and half of them don't, so then you don't want to make any assumptions as to why the cute girl you're chatting with seems kind of shy and you don't want to outwardly flirt for worry of being outed or taken as something you're most definitely not.

It's frustrating, probably especially because I've never actually been told I was good-looking or complimented in that kind of way. Not really. Certainly not in person.

Closest thing was a butt pinch in a crowd in high school. And...I suppose being asked if I were a guy or a girl, because I'd "make a really ugly girl" (still cracks me up to this day, hahaha).

Quote from: dalebert on October 07, 2012, 01:56:14 PM
Couldn't that seem disingenuous though if they just met you? Physical attractiveness is often all we have to go on when we first meet someone. It might be what makes them interested in getting to know you better to find out if you have other qualities they find attractive. Should they withhold any compliments at all? A tasteful compliment is often a tactful way of conveying interest to see if there is any interest in return.

a coupliment is fine but it can also easy be a turnoff because I heard so many giving me compliments ex. for my look so I feel there only interesteed in me for that and not my personalety. Its fine if they find me attractive and then get to know me but theres also some who just want "someone young and cute" and I fit the categori and they start having alot of ideas and thoughs of me where I dont belong.

I would rather ask into the person to get to know them.
people who usunally gets my attantion arnt those who put me up with alot of compliments at first, its those who get to know me, and then once in a while compliment me for the facts they know about me.

and no I rarely compliment people I am very bad at it, and I am also very bad at taking compliments and half of the time I hate when people do it because I feel forced to be happy about it even when I hate it.
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I used to get really pissed off with it when I as presenting as female and people would say I was attractive. I hated my body, I thought it was disgusting, and I hated the idea of someone looking at me and thinking it was a good and attractive way to look.

After coming out, I know I'm a sexy fiend and bathe in the frothing gash that follows me wherever I go.

I've never actually been told I'm attractive, cute, good-looking, or generally nice to look at, by anyone except my mom (and it was usually coupled with 'but you make such a pretty girl!!!!', after I came out), my my mom's ex-second husband (who was a creeper anyway, and liked to prey on my dysphoria by saying that I was going to wind up pregnant), and my best friend (who says I'm handsome, or cute, or adorkable).

I have self confidence and self esteem issues. I've been rejected faster then I can blink, and if anyone has ever been interested in me, I have never known, or never been told. I've been stood up on dates, and the ones that I went on, the guys were only interested in me as female (mostly at the time I wasn't living fully as male). I've been hit on/flirted with a couple times, but only in the way that the other person gets really chatty towards me, and stands by me with awkward silence because I'm seem to be socially inept, but it's never divulged into 'You know, you're adorable!' or 'You're hot.'

So either I'm a super hideous chode of a guy, or... uh... completely and utterly awkward.

I wouldn't mind being told I'm cute, or attractive. It'd probably make me embarrassed a little, but at the same time would give me a boost to my lacking self confidence.

My bf had the same problem, basically because they were seeing him as a girl, or anrogynous at best. He hated it, and did not accept the copliments. For some reason he was mainly with lesbians trying to fit in somehow, so he was treated like one.. He wasn't confident enough to be who he is back then, and I think all because of his family..

When he started to be himself and not what everybody else expected, he met me, and from me, he looooves the copliments :p First time in his life he feels like someone sees him as he is. That is what he says to me. And that is why he accepts it when I tell him what a handsome man he is.. because I see it and he feels that..