First of all, I wanted to say thanks to all of you here, I have done some serious reading these past two days I am in this forum, and it really helped a lot!!!


So, I've known my self as straight all my life, that is 29 years. To make things more clear for you if you want to help out, I have never fallen in love with a woman, and I could never imagine myself been in a relationship with one!!! When I met my boyfriend, I was drawn to him because of all his manly qualitites, so I still consider myself a straight one, and then comes the bedroom!

I understand very well why some, if not most of you, don't want to be touched neither down nor up. I can see him as the man he is, I can hear him as a man as well, but when it comes touching some private "female" parts, that can become confusing, and even more so, because he wants to be treated exclusively as a male, something which I understand very well, and that is what I do!!

But, my bf is not of the boys that don't want to be touched or seen naked. Maybe because of the fact that he had his body accepted and touched by his previous lesbian girlfriends he has get used to that, although he hated that he was seen as a girl, as he says.

So I was relieved that he had his binder on till now, because he saved me some confusement :p But he has told me that he wants to take it off, to feel more intimate with me.. I think because I am not going to touch his chest as it is now, I will be ok, because when I feel him pressing me with his body, it's like it doesn't exist, I dont feel it and it does not bother me or make me uncomfortable at all (nor horny or curious, just saying!!).

But the down thing.. I am not a person who will stand there getting all the pleasure, having fun, and won't give back. It's absolutely impossible. So I want to please him and touch him, he wants that too, and so I did. He liked that, he said. Problem is ok I can feel like I am just doing some motions in order to please someone, in a neutral way, and that makes it difficult for me to enjoy what I do, and probably makes it difficult for him to get it off! It is like I am doing what I would with myself, but it gets confusing at times, so whoever says that this does not happen to them, well I simply don't believe them!!!!!!! The fact also that he is pre everything, does not help either..

I love him soooooooooooo much, and I want to please him, because I can't have it any other way, but I simply have to shut down every time the feeling and the idea that I have a female person lying with me there.. Which doesn't turn me off, because at least having a person there and not something... neutral, is better!! I just feel love for this person then and a tremendous connection that sexual intimacy creates, I have a hard time to make my brain agree with me that I am touching a man, so I try to keep it person-centred. I do not care if for some people that makes me bi or whatever, I was never much into labeling, what I care about is not to make him feel that I do not see him or treat him like the man he is. Because actually I do.

I have concluded that yes I love him as a man, but before all I am loving the person he is, adn adorable masculine person with sense of humour and many sensitivities, so what there is between the legs is absolutely irrelevant! In the end, we are all human after all, capable of loving each other, and drawn to certain qualities, and I am not of this kind of people that packaging matters, I want the content!

Thus, I ignore what my senses tell me, and it is ok with the four of them, but with the touch, it seems we still have some issues.. I hope it will become easier as the time passes by, because I know for a fact and you know that better than me, that he would hate if he knew that I sometimes am struck with the feeling that I am touching a girl, but hey, give me some understanding! Some of you have spend years trying to figure out who you really are.. So if "reality" just hits me for a few moments, I think it's only natural! Heh?? 

Do you have any insight on what I am facing, any instructions on what should I do, any encouraging words to cheer me up, critisism, ok I will accept that too! It will all be appreciated.  I tried to be veeery honest, I hope you will appreciate that too. In a way I am offering you a point of view from the other side.

And sorry for the looooong post.. 
Cheers to everyone

I can get why you feel like you're touching a girl at times. You've got those parts, and it's hard to associate his body with a cis dude's body when you're actually there and being intimate. It doesn't make you a lesbian though, if that's what you're worried about? You accept him as a man, you see him as your boyfriend, and thus, I think it's safe to say you're straight if you're still exclusively attracted to men. He's just got a different body than most dudes do.

If you're worried about how he feels on the whole intimacy front, the best bet would be to just watch him for reactions and talk to him. Ask him what he's cool with, seriously. He may be desensitized to being nude/touched, but he might still have some things he's unsure about and unable to find the right words to describe to you. The best thing you could possibly do for both of you is to talk about it and set some boundaries, yeah?

Being up front about what you both want is important, it can really help improve things.

In short - I think it's okay to feel confused, it's new territory for you.

Quote from: Zerro on November 05, 2012, 04:06:07 AM
I can get why you feel like you're touching a girl at times. You've got those parts, and it's hard to associate his body with a cis dude's body when you're actually there and being intimate. It doesn't make you a lesbian though, if that's what you're worried about? You accept him as a man, you see him as your boyfriend, and thus, I think it's safe to say you're straight if you're still exclusively attracted to men. He's just got a different body than most dudes do.

If you're worried about how he feels on the whole intimacy front, the best bet would be to just watch him for reactions and talk to him. Ask him what he's cool with, seriously. He may be desensitized to being nude/touched, but he might still have some things he's unsure about and unable to find the right words to describe to you. The best thing you could possibly do for both of you is to talk about it and set some boundaries, yeah?

Being up front about what you both want is important, it can really help improve things.

In short - I think it's okay to feel confused, it's new territory for you.

thank God it's ok to feel confused 

Well I am not worried what label anyone could stick on me, and I know that of course such new territory would probably cause everyone confusement, but maybe I just wanted to hear that from someone else who understands what I am saying.. And I just do not want to make him feel uncomfortabe. We are doing fine truth is, and we talk a lot, but learning things here and talk a little to someone helps, because in reality I have noone to talk to about it, as he is semi-stealth and that is another issue but ok..!!

Thank you zerro for your reply..

hattie I think we're all confused sometimes, especially in the early stages of relationships. And transition isn't simple. Your boyfriend has a body that is probably softer and curvier than he'd like, and probably softer and curvier than you're used to. That doesn't make either of you gay and is only as big a deal as the two of you make of it. I agree with Zerro that communication is super important.

Quote from: Felix on November 05, 2012, 04:30:39 AM
hattie I think we're all confused sometimes, especially in the early stages of relationships. And transition isn't simple. Your boyfriend has a body that is probably softer and curvier than he'd like, and probably softer and curvier than you're used to. That doesn't make either of you gay and is only as big a deal as the two of you make of it. I agree with Zerro that communication is super important.

It is really nice to find understanding.. Although I am so eager to offer it, I rarely recieve it, but when I do it amazes me!

Thank you very much!!

If it is any help I have a friend who is Intersex and she is all woman. We have had a few "Friends with benefits" situations.  I see her as having a bodily anomaly that caused me to stop for a second, but then realised that I look the same, and we are both women.  We just have fun in slightly different ways.

If your boyfriend was Intersex rather than Trans would there really be any reason to see him as other than a man with a bodily difference.  It's just what we were issued with due to an error on the production line.  Communication is the key to any relationship, and I think you have been doing that here as well.  Hang onto the fact you love each other and the rest can be worked around. 

Karen.

Quote from: justmeinoz on November 05, 2012, 05:38:48 AM
If it is any help I have a friend who is Intersex and she is all woman. We have had a few "Friends with benefits" situations.  I see her as having a bodily anomaly that caused me to stop for a second, but then realised that I look the same, and we are both women.  We just have fun in slightly dif

If your boyfriend was Intersex rather than Trans would there really be any reason to see him as other than a man with a bodily difference.  It's just what we were issued with due to an error on the production line.  Communication is the key to any relationship, and I think you have been doing that here as well.  Hang onto the fact you love each other and the rest can be worked around. 

Karen.

I see my self in what you described! Yes it has been very helpful! Thank you for your input! And yes, we love each other very very very much :-)

I think the word you were looking for is "confusion"

;P


(seems like all the bases have been covered so I thought I'd just be snarky.)

Hahaha!!
Yes, like a friend of mine says, I am what I am, he is who he is, it is what it is! End of confusion!!