Something my mom said to me a few weeks ago has really been bugging me lately. While telling me that she doesn't approve of what I'm wanting to do, she basically commented that God gave me to her as a son and that I should stay that way. How do I even begin to answer this question?

I've had a number of doubts going through my mind because of this. I don't believe that God makes mistakes, so why did I end up this way? Is my life some sort of cruel joke? I've been so depressed because of these things that I've contemplated suicide a few times recently. I still can't justify doing so because of fear of being condemned for doing so, but my mom's comment just has me feeling like my life is going to become a living hell around "Christians" as soon as I start trying to be myself publicly.

God does not make mistakes.  God made you as you are for a reason.  Maybe God is trying to show your Mom how to truly love another.

Quote from: Yukiko on November 08, 2012, 06:56:32 PM

I've had a number of doubts going through my mind because of this. I don't believe that God makes mistakes, so why did I end up this way? Is my life some sort of cruel joke? I've been so depressed because of these things that I've contemplated suicide a few times recently. I still can't justify doing so because of fear of being condemned for doing so, but my mom's comment just has me feeling like my life is going to become a living hell around "Christians" as soon as I start trying to be myself publicly.

I do not believe God makes mistakes either. The short answer is that we live in a broken world that does not always work the way that God intended it. It seems for some reason that some people believe that some how when we are born as a boy or girl it's the only thing that always works out perfectly. Which then bodes the question how is it possible that this is the only thing that somehow works out perfectly?

Is your life a cruel joke? It can seem so. A lot of us have also asked that question too. But on the surface is it any different than anyone else who has to struggle through any other major birth defects? All are hard to get through in some ways. And yes we do have some added difficulties that others do not have. One of them is that it is not easy to see if from the outside. (More later have to get back to work)

Here is something that has helped me

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When I considered myself a Christian I decided it was a religious test.  Of the Churches and their members, not me.  Sadly most fail.
As far as I can see there are no quotes of Jesus saying anything about Sexuality or Gender. He certainly had plenty to say about hypocrisy, greed, compassion and charity though, so I can only conclude that Gender and Sexuality were irrelevant to him.
I think it is fair to say that if you believe Jesus and God are the same Person, then whatever anyone like Paul said, in a particular context is not as important.
I am currently going through a somewhat atheistic phase at the moment, with a feeling I will probably end up at a Progressive synagogue,  as their approach seems to be something I could be comfortable with.

Karen.

That God doesn't make mistakes does not mean that we're born perfect.

Children are born everyday, many afflicted with diseases, ailments and infirmities that require medical intervention.  If instead of being born TS you were born with something like a congenital heart defect, people would be demanding that surgery be performed to correct it.  Likewise, if you were born with a cleft palate, surgery would be a top priority to facilitate a normal appearance and prevent psychological trauma.  What we have is no different.  We were born with a birth defect that can be treated, so why shouldn't we seek medical treatment that will allow us to live a normal and happy life?

Most opposition is based on a lack of understanding and information, or on incorrect negative stereotypes.  Knowledge is the key to acceptance. 

Quote from: Yukiko on November 08, 2012, 06:56:32 PM
I don't believe that God makes mistakes, so why did I end up this way?

Why do you consider yourself a mistake? Or think that there is something wrong with being trans?

This is why I have a huge problem with the "I was born with a birth defect". This implies there is something inherently wrong with being trans. God doesn't make mistakes and we are not a mistake. We were born this way for a reason. I was just thinking today "How boring it would be to be stuck the same gender your whole life". I think being trans has allowed me to expencive things most people would never be able to. It hasn't always been easy but I am glad I was born this way!

And the way you answer this question is "I was born a transgendered male". Honestly I think the reason some parents have a problem with this is they see it somehow as they failed, or somehow their genes are defective etc. I can understand their reasoning but it's not right. This is no reflection on who they are no more than if you were born with brown eyes rather than brown. It's just how you ended up and they can either accept it or not. It's easy for me to say because my parents are dead now but do NOT let them dictate how you live your life.

Going on. God does allow things in our lives that we do not understand nor do we always get the
answer to the questions why me or how did this happen to me? It is what it is. We have two choices. We can either reject it and let it destroy us or we can accept it for what it is and let it work out for our good. (It's not be any means easy to see the good in the beginning) What that good is will be different for each of us. Can it make us stronger? I think so and I believe that most of us that are dealing with this positively are far stronger than most of the people around us.

Now this may not be the best way to handle your mom. My mom said something similair but what I told her was this when we talked about me possibly going through the transition  "Mom,you had the son you always wanted for all these years but you would also get the daughter that you always wanted" The look on her face was priceless as it sunk in. She had never thought of it that way. 

Yes there are those who call themselves "Christian" and who can be cruel and mean spirited. Does that mean all are? What I have found from personal experience is some are not like that. I really thought when I would come out to them I was expecting to get a lot of heat and rejection. (The church is a bit more strict) Was I wrong. I have spent a lot of time talking to all four of the pastors in my church. Out of the four,the head pastor does rub me wrong (It's something else besides this),one of the pastors is now my best friend,one has become like a father to me,and the fourth one is fast becoming a friend. This next week he is spending some time looking at one of the threads that I had started to help me get some insight about what I am seeking and we are to talk next week. He has been great about this. Were the fears justified? Maybe but it didn't turn out that way. 

This is somehting I wrestled with. I know I'm suppose to honour my parents but they refused to accept that honour. It might have been said, they refuse to accept it except on their terms, but their terms were essentially impossible for me to furful, they could have demanded I was tall for all I could do.

Then I realised, my committment to show honour is to respect them as they are. It isn't my place to criticise them and it is personal folly for anyone to hate their parents, they just end up hating themselves.

But equally, it isn't my parents place to control my life. As Mrs OBrien and others have said, God doesn't make mistakes. He made me because this is how he wanted me.

<Madeline puts on her religious shoes. Ah, they still fit!>

God gave me this woman's soul.
My mother's body gave me my body, with a little help from my father's body, and a little unmentionable activity that every body does.
God doesn't make mistakes.
Bodies make mistakes all the time. Cancer anyone? Hemmorhoids? Holy they are not.
To which maker should I be true?
The outward face, or the inward truth?
This woman chooses to follow the maker of souls.
Our bodies change and decay from the day we are conceived to the day we die.
There is no sin in changing them consciously using the soul God gave us as a guide.
There is a sin in failing to perfect that which needs perfecting.
-Maddie

As I have struggled with faith alot I will try add something that you may want to think about. First of all God wants us to love others as we love ourselves. The way I was before I was definitely a creature of hate and subsequently was learning to hate others for no other reason other than because there was nothing left of myself that I could hate. Secondly, God gave me all the tools I need to live a happy life where I can care for others. She also gave me the choice of whether I did that or continued to be something I hated. Free will is the gift we all share. This is true of both yourself and your mother. She is saying things to try guilt you into being what she wants and not loving you for who you are. Be the you that can love others because you love yourself instead of being what others want you to be.

Just my thoughts from what I have discovered on my own. My relationship with religion is still tenuous at best, but I no longer feel I should hate God. She gave me free will so I could experience life as I choose, I merely need to trust in the life I was given and move forward in a way that allows me to be true to myself and to live a life I can be proud of.

Quote from: spacial on November 09, 2012, 09:57:52 AM
they could have demanded I was tall for all I could do.

Great analogy!

And trust me there are parents that are disappointed in their children's size or natural athletic ability etc as well. Just look at how many parents force their children into activities like football etc that they physically aren't capable to doing well and then brow beat them for failing. There are times when parents are just wrong. You don't have to disrespect them but you also don't have to follow their wishes either. You have to live your own life.

God does not make mistakes any more than He can author confusion.  God formed your mind how He wanted it; God formed your body how He wanted it.  That doesn't mean the mind or body can't change; it simply means there's a reason for it. 

The confusion comes because we do not understand the reason for what we perceive to be a mis-match.  Every trial, every frustration - and even the good things - in life are there to draw us closer to God.  Our growing closer to the Lord may be a result of surgery or fixing what we perceive to be the mis-match (just as fixing a congenital birth defect would); that growth may be us growing to view this mis-match being similar to Paul's "thorn in the flesh"; it may simply be a tool that God expects us to use to minister to others.

God gave you to her as a son initially, but how was she to know that that was God's full purpose?  Speaking of which, I love the song, "Mary, Did You Know?"  Do you think that might help your mom, considering whether or not Mary knew everything that would happen to her Son?

Quote from: Yukiko on November 08, 2012, 06:56:32 PM
Something my mom said to me a few weeks ago has really been bugging me lately. While telling me that she doesn't approve of what I'm wanting to do, she basically commented that God gave me to her as a son and that I should stay that way. How do I even begin to answer this question?

I've had a number of doubts going through my mind because of this. I don't believe that God makes mistakes, so why did I end up this way? Is my life some sort of cruel joke? I've been so depressed because of these things that I've contemplated suicide a few times recently. I still can't justify doing so because of fear of being condemned for doing so, but my mom's comment just has me feeling like my life is going to become a living hell around "Christians" as soon as I start trying to be myself publicly.

I do a agree that G-d does not make mistates, but G-d created a Universe not only ruled by predictable laws such as those found in quantum mechanics, Newtonian physics, and chaos theory, but the Universe -and this includes human embryology and development- are also governed by "chance." And "chance" can and will generate biological mistakes. For example, humans are supposed to have 5 fingers in their hands, but "chance" mutations can produce humans with 6 or more finger in their hands. This is not G-d mistake, but it is the consequence of the rules G-d give to the Universe.

So, you see, you and me have a brain gender identity that does not match our external genitalia, and that my dear is but a biological mishap. Nothing to do with G-d.


Also, do remember that: "Your gender identity and your sexual orientation are between your ears, and not between your legs" (after sister Annah)

Unfortunately parents tend to show their love and give approval to their children on more of a conditional basis than God does. As a parent I had been always, "My way or the highway kid!" Now that I've finally grown up myself it has occurred to me how wrong I was because it squashed their spirits. Fortunately they have survived and done well in spite of me and we get along well. Be who you are, your parents will just have to get over it, and don't worry, because in spite of all the nasty rhetoric they will continue to love you and be your parents. We never throw the babies out with the dirty bath water.

I'm still working on helping my parents to understand this. I do hope they will come to love me as a daughter. I often times get the feeling that I'm letting them down. I was the only son out of 3 children that they had. I'm also the oldest of 3 and proved to be gifted as a child. I feel that because of these things my parents have had high expectations of me for my whole life. I've heard quite a few times that my parents will most likely come around, but right now I'm not able to see it happening. That isn't to say that they won't or that I've lost any hope that they will accept me for who I am.

As for God not making mistakes... I do often feel that God made me this way for a reason. I also believe that He will not hand us more than we can handle. This has been the main thing that has helped me to keep some sort of sanity through this. Sometimes I wonder if my reason for being trans is so that I can learn to love others and to not judge them. It truly is a humbling experience having to accept that this is who I am and that in spite of all that I do have going for me, I am still human and therefore flawed.

Beautiful thoughts Yukiko! I am assuming that you are Japanese and as such it can be especially daunting with the expectations and familial pressures that are part of Japanese tradition. Be strong, stay focused and keep us posted hon. We'll be thinking of you!

QuoteJohn 9
¹As Jesus walked along, he saw a man blind from birth. ²His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" ³Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God's works might be revealed in him.

Here we have the Christian boss giving his two shekels on birth variations.We are not our parent's property in today's way of thinking, but they are given stewardship of our lives for God's purposes, and a steward will someday return the property he has to the master in better shape than which he got it.  Its not easy, and very scary if a parent looks at it that way.  (Also see the scripture about the man who hid the talent his master had entrusted to him instead of making it more.)

I sometimes think that hard things happen to us because it allows us to help others, but that's just my opinion.

And God didn't give you to her as a son.  She gave you to her as YOU, not just your physical sex.

Quote from: ZombieDog on November 11, 2012, 04:30:36 PM

And God didn't give you to her as a son.  She gave you to her as YOU, not just your physical sex.

Yes!