Hi, my name is Jenna (for here) and I am writing you today because I have been having a gender identity issue since I was between 12 and 14, and I am now 20. It started by wearing my moms underwear and clothes, and has progressed into more than dressing. I began to have the desire a couple years ago to BE a woman. I started having feminine feelings and noticed my thought patterns becoming more "lady-like". As I further reflected over time, I realized that I gradually have begun to discover my femininity, but repressed the idea of being gay or trans. Now that I am a little older, and becoming more aware of myself, I spent lots of time wondering whether or not I am a woman. It is not a thought that necessarily scares me, but just raises questions and confusion.
Sexually, I have, for years now, fantasized having sex as a woman. 99% of the time, when I masturbate, I visualize myself as the woman, not the man. The thought of being penetrated (not anally) is a huge turn on. Part of my fear of changing, is that I am a very attractive masculine male, with some small feminine features. I fear being an unattractive female vs. an attractive male. Even when I have sex, I have had times where I find it necessary to think of her, while she is having sex with me! Now thats a mind bender! I never thought of myself as gay, but I could always see myself as a straight woman. I I tried gay sex a few times. Anal sex, NEVER AGAIN. I liked it one time, but that was because the guy really made me feel like a girl, and he had a smaller penis so that helped. I enjoyed giving ->-bleeped-<-s, especially when my inner fem came out. When I could push my nerves aside and let my feminine feelings out, it was the best. I am starting to wonder if I would be happiest as a woman. The thought of it brings utter joy to my heart, followed by lots of contemplation.
My desire to be a woman extends beyond sex. I want to live life as a girl. I want to have girlfriends, I love socializing with girls. I can connect with them so well on a friendly level and usually enjoy their company more than guys. I have a hard time relating to guys, where as girls, I can go all day. A lot, if not a majority, of my best friends have been women. The thought of going shopping, picking out and trying on clothes, doing our makeup and hair, talking guys, and getting that deep bond between girlfriends, is all very exciting to me as it is the stuff you rarely get to do with girls as being someone who you would never guess had any femininity by looking at him. I want to blast chick tunes in my car with pride and just have fun as a girl. I always find things as being cute and adorable. It is hard to explain in some ways how deep this feeling goes for me, it is something that just tears me apart because I feel like a woman but I look at myself and who people see me as, and the kind of kid I was, someone who was a jock redneck. I chew tobacco, I hung around all masculinity, grew up with two older brothers and no sisters. I sometimes wonder where these feelings come from because they seem so out of place, yet so right at the same time. I have had moments where I have wanted nothing more in the world than to be a woman. Any help or opinions will be of great help because I am wondering whether or not I should pursue the full surgery or if it would be best to stay male.
