I know you're out there, but I'm the only black ftm I know. The only reason I bring this up is because not only do I have to deal with transgender issues, but I have to deal with transgender issues in a black community, which brings up a whole lot more issues. On top of it, the family I was raised by are all white. Could I even BE more of a "black sheep"?

My dad is from Nigeria, and he is the only blood family I really have aside from my brothers. I have no idea how my Nigerian family (people I don't know but plan to visit in December for the first time) might handle this sort of thing. I don't know if my dad will react nicely because of the cultural differences, if transgender is even a "thing" over in Nigeria, or if I should even tell him that I'm trans. Maybe I should just present female on my trip because he lives far from me and I would not have much contact with him over the years, other than through texting or email.

Once I start testosterone therapy, this will be a different question. I'll have to tell him eventually, because he will hear my voice and see me with facial hair. I feel guilty because he has given me my tribal name, which is very important in our culture, but the name I received is female, Uzo-Oyibo. Will he have to give me a new name? I don't think I should even attempt to see any other trans Nigerians, because that is quite a small pool of people, but maybe some of you have cultural differences you have to deal with? And if so, how did you deal with them?

I might add that I'm an adult, so if I really had to I could never see these people again or deal with them, I could start anew, and that's what I plan on doing with the white family I was raised by, but I love my father and really would like to solve this somehow.

Hi Sebastian, you are indeed not alone. Malachite should be along any time now. He understands the minority in a minority situation. Here is a link to a story you may be interested in: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,23116.msg174465.html#msg174465
Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks a lot, Devlyn! That article is very interesting, and helpful. If anything, it makes me feel a lot less alone.

You're welcome, I just typed minority in the search block at the top right and that was the first post it found. Hugs, Devlyn

And you're looking good, by the way!

Thanks, Devlyn! Means a lot.
I'll have to check out that search function a little better, new member and all and I'm still working out the kinks.

Don't use the regular search--I've never had success with it. Use the advanced search.

One of my buddies is black, but he was raised in an all-black family. Another buddy is mixed race--white (or mostly white) mother and black (or mostly black) father. Neither of these guys comes to this site, but I've talked to both of them about race from time to time. I gather that the race angle can certainly throw a unique wrench into the whole trans experience.

There's another guy who used to come here, but he hasn't been around in a long time. I think he told me about a site or a forum for trans guys of color...or maybe I'm getting mixed up about a local support group that somebody tried to start.

I know that we've had a couple of guys of Asian descent here on Susan's. Beyond that...I don't know. Maybe we need a child board for PoC to congregate!

Thanks for all the info! Makes me feel a lot less small, if you feel me. I really think a child board would be nice, like you say race throws a new wrench into the entire issue. My biggest problem is actually the cultural differences. I'm American and most people on this site, that I've seen, are American, Canadian, or Australia, AKA places with relatively similar European-esque cultures with plenty of freedom and etc. Nigeria is a third-world country so things are very, very different there. I suppose I should bring up the issue to my father, maybe theoretically or just off-hand, and see how he reacts before I say anything.

If you'v not had much contact with your father before then maybe it would be best to come out to him straight away so he doesn't have to adjust to knowing you, and then adjust to knowing you as male later.

That's a good idea. We have met once, besides when I was a baby (due to a complicated home situation, he couldn't see me, even though he wanted to, and he lost contact with my family once my mother died, he had no idea how to get a hold of anyone, because he didn't know us well).

I also have a younger brother from that father, so I think I will tell them both very soon.

I think in this case you should tell your dad before hand and give him time to adjust because it seems like it would be a lot of red tape just to go there to present as female and then to tell him after the fact.  That way you can just "cut out the middle man".  Maybe once that has been established in the relationship then you could feel okay asking him if he would give you a new name.

Since I'm still living my life as a woman I can't really say comment on how my life is as a black transman.  I live in the south of the U.S. which is typically known as less advanced (though not 100 percent true) so one of the biggest issues I come into is the whole religion aspect and the best way I deal with it is just to be educated on the subject.  That can go back to telling your father beforehand and explaining to him the whole transgender ordeal if he needs more understanding.

Thanks for the advice! Luckily my father is not all that religious. He was raised catholic, so my grandma on that side is kind religious, but she also doesn't speak English, and I don't speak Ibo (Igbo to anyone who wants to look it up) or Hausa or Yoruba for that matter, and I believe she speaks all three but I'm not sure. Anyway, luckily for me, religion isn't a huge issue. I'm Christian but I'm not ignorant, and luckily the family I have to deal with feels the same way (for the most part). On top of it, the only reason my people are Catholic is because it was forced upon them, so I'm not sure how devout any of them are these days.

Anyway, I'll go ahead and talk to him about it before my vacation. Thanks, all of you!

I am also an ftm of color (most people think otherwise because of my complexion) and I was raised in an African household as my step-father who has been there since I was born is West African (Senegalese).

I am aware there are cultural difference between Nigerian and Senegalese people, but if you want to talk about anything at all about coming out or whatever, feel free to message me, I'm pretty open. Also, I came out to my father completely if that strikes interest.

- Best of luck!

Thanks a whole lot, I will be sending you a pm.

Quote from: sebastianwood on November 11, 2012, 02:55:20 PM
Could I even BE more of a "black sheep"?

If you're also gay and physically disabled, you get my vote.

Hahaha I'm polysexual and HoH, does that count??

Damn, I really got the short end of the stick. If I didn't have as high self-esteem as I do, life might suck right about now!

Head of Household?

Hard of hearing, ha ha, I'm 100% deaf in my left ear and have probably about 70-80% hearing in my right. I wouldn't say deaf yet, though.

Okay, you win! That's way more than I have to contend with.

Hahaha, I sure as hell don't like it! Especially on the internet, it always feels like I'm exaggerating because I have a million and one things wrong with me, and for some reason a lot of young people like to idealize problems (like autism and manic bipolar, both of which I have to deal with and therefore am not ever taken seriously for). That's another problem in and of itself, to be honest.