I'm not black, but I am Mexican, and an overwhelming majority of my family is very conservative and adheres to a lot of...Well, it's a complicated mess my transition has brought on the family. Yeah, we'll say that. Even if your father doesn't understand, I'm sure he'll love you enough to want to listen to you about this. You express yourself nicely here, perhaps just tell him what you've told us, only rephrased to be addressed to him?

Thanks, Zerro! I think he may be conservative, but in the end I know he'll love me when it all boils down to it. I'll start talking to him about it.

It can't hurt to try! I think that in some cases, a parent's love for their child can overcome most anything. Though the majority of my family has disowned me, my mother has tried her best to support me and be there for me as a mom. Her words were more like "I am worried about you and whether this is best for you, but I want you to be happy and if my support will help you through this process, I want to be there for you as your mom". Even if parents are conservative, I think most ultimately want to see their kids flourish and become healthy, happy adults. Maybe your dad will be like that, if you guys are close, you know? I hope it goes well, when you can talk to him! He's lucky to have a well-spoken, intelligent child like you, I think. You care about your heritage and want him to know that you respect it. I think that might mean a lot to him.

Thanks Zerro, that actually gave me a lot of confidence just now. Maybe I'll give him a call tomorrow evening!

I'll need all the luck I can get, ha ha! Thanks a bunch Zerro, and all of the rest of you, too. I love this forum because the support is so great, haha.

Sending courage vibes. You might write down what you want to say, imagine how you would reply to various responses, and so forth.

That's a good idea! I think I'll try that.

I have no personal experience at coming out to parents, but it seems to me that fathers tend to be more accepting of FTMs than mothers. So many mothers seem to have a this mother-daughter hangup and an expectation that their "daughters" will be mothers someday. Fathers seem to be less invested in that arc. Of course, fathers seem to be more upset when their apparently male children come out as gay or trans.

But then, I haven't done a definitive study, and you are talking about someone from a whole different culture.

I hadn't even thought of that. Wow, that gave me a very big surge of confidence. I also think my brother will be VERY happy to have a big brother, hahaha.

One thing I wanted to point out...there's this one website (not sure if people posted it in this thread before) that is basically a Nigerian version of BBC News. It's called Elombah, it's subtitled "A Nigerian Perspective of World Affairs." There's an article (or several) about the LGBT community in Nigeria.

http://elombah.com/index.php/articles/akinyemi-adeseye/7594-nigeria-and-the-issue-of-lesbians-gays-bisexuals-and-transgender-lgbt-rights-part-1-v15-7594

Might give you a better idea of how good/bad of a reaction you might get. I do know a few trans people of color, but you have something else going on with you. A lot of trans people of color in the US are born here. Their parents or generations further back immigrated while (it seems this way at least) you immigrated. Being somebody who was not born in the US and living in the US creates additional challenges on top of being a person of color and trans.

Edit to add: there's a tumblr for that, too.
http://transpoc.tumblr.com/

Quote from: sebastianwood on November 11, 2012, 11:10:05 PM
I hadn't even thought of that. Wow, that gave me a very big surge of confidence. I also think my brother will be VERY happy to have a big brother, hahaha.

Good luck coming out Sebastian! Keep us updated.

Thanks a lot! That is actually the news site that my dad uses, so I am familiar with it, though I haven't used it. Perhaps I should do that more!

I will read the article now, and thank you so much!

Once I tell my father, I will update you all on the situation.

I did read the article and I was saddened by it but I do not think the ignorant opinion of the 90% of people opposing the LGBT stuff applies to my dad, luckily. He was raised Catholic but he's lived here long enough to think religion is a "crock of sh**" most of the time, and deep down, I know he will love me no matter what. I will, again, update you guys once I tell him.

Hey, good luck, Sebastian. I keep finding it helps going into these things assuming the other person is already on your side .

Thanks! Definitely keeping that in mind.

Good luck and enjoy Nigeria & your family. Africa is wonderful and visiting it is like your soul is returning to its home - but please be careful.

As someone who was raised in Africa I need to advise you that many African cultures are intolerant of the LGBT community, so you'll need to tread very carefully and do your research before going. Many of our hard-fought LGBT rights that we take for granted are actually illegal in Nigeria (and several other countries), although this does depend somewhat on policy differences between the Muslim and Christian areas, and you seemed to suggest that your family is in the Christian part of Nigeria, which is slightly more lenient. In one (largely Muslim) state they even have laws against men imitating women (1 year's imprisonment & N10,000 or both). How trans friendly is that?!

All I'm trying to say is: please be mindful of the fact that they may have different views when it comes to LGBT (and other) rights. You might be in for a culture shock. No, scratch that: you will be in for a culture shock, but that's part of the beauty of travelling.

That having been said, like in any other country you will find individuals who are tolerant and accepting, and individuals who are intolerant. I sincerely hope your family is in the former group. But the official position is rather more bleak. Here's the best I could do in finding their government's official policy on LGBT rights: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Nigeria

I tried to get more 'official' information, but my contact in the Nigerian Government just wanted me to wire him a couple of grand via Western Union before he'd send me anything...

Trans POC, here!

first of all im not black so I cant related to that, I got a friend who is trans and black but his is as I know adopted so he dosent have to think about visiting a famely somewhere (I dont think so?)

culture is always something and each country is diffrent from there view on transgenders.
it took me a long time to come out to relatives of mine in Norway, I still havent come out to a famely member of mine in Carlifornia. Its normal being nervous when your unsure on how there acceptence work and specially a place who got a very diffrent culture.

as mention I cant relate 100% to your situation as im neither black or from niegera. however I do know about the felling for culturel diffrence, and I also has friends from many diffrent countrys who have stugles with being gay, bi or trans and having famely somewhere..

Many of them sadly had escaped there country, or are in the closet, but there are also a couple of happy storys ex a friend of mine who went to Isreal this year to visit her famely. She had been scared to go before and had mention how she could get killed by not passing and going the wrong places. But as she went home and came out to those who didnt knew they just said "well we been following you on facebook" I was rather scared but she got home alive and happy.
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I would think its better if your come out before you consider to go, if your going to come out, I also think my friend had came out to a couple of people in Isreal before she went as far I remember. Again I sadly dont know much about your country so I cant help with a propper advice.
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Quote from: sebastianwood on November 11, 2012, 04:02:15 PM
My biggest problem is actually the cultural differences. I'm American and most people on this site, that I've seen, are American, Canadian, or Australia, AKA places with relatively similar European-esque cultures with plenty of freedom and etc.

For the matter on Susan, I just would point out that Europa isnt nessesarry a free-spirit place it depends on in which country you are.
I Know there is people on Susan who lives in areas who are rather horrible with pretty bad rights for trans folks.
I wont out anyone but I know there is.
I think there is 2 things to it, one thing is it can be hard for people to understand the situations for a country with a very diffrent culture and view on transgenders so the help can be limited. another thing is People who are from those place usunally has more to fear.
For some people just writting and being on susan can be dangerous if anyone finds out.

Sorry about the short response, but I'm on a schedule--but I'd like to say thanks, I guess everyone sort of works in their own time and I will manage it somehow. But also hearing the good stories makes me have lots of hope for the future. And you're right--with each situation, things are different. People can be in a lot of danger, and I am pretty lucky that I am safe here in my home and that the people around me are supportive, relatively.