I have really bad social anxiety and it makes me put off getting my haircut.  I hate having to deal with every part of the haircut process for so many reasons. I figured I would expedite the process and save myself having to explain anything (I'm pre T), so I just showed her a picture of me when I had a haircut I liked and said, "like this please" she says "no problem"

Cut to 10 minutes later and my hair is wet and I can't really tell the extent of the damage. She drys it, It sorta looks odd, but whatever - all I can think about is I want out of there ASAP. I pay her, leave. I get home  - ahhhh - it's like a pixie girls haircut. Or maybe it's just cut in a way that really feminizes my face. Either way, looking at myself with this haircut is the most dsyphoric I've felt looking at my face in the mirror in forever.

So I get my roommate and a pair of scissors. And we try to fix it. Yeah...that went about as well as you would think. Terribly.

I can't stop thinking about how much I look like a girl, and I get up to look in the mirror and mess with my hair constantly. I've covered it in so much gel to try and fix it that I've had to shower to rinse it all out.

Going to get it recut is the obvious solution. It's super short because we "fixed" it - the only thing to do at this point would be to almost buzz it. I'm not on T yet and super-short hair just magnifies the feminine parts of my face, so that's in my future no matter what. Obviously, the lesson is just to learn to tell the hair person "cut like a guys haircut" until I completely pass and probably to go someplace other than the local place down the street.  I'm totally beating myself up right now and need to figure out how to get over this for the next 2 months or whatever until it grows out.

I am so sorry you went through that.

For me, I went to a salon and made it clear I wanted a feminine cut. I showed them pictures and everything. Explained I was transitioning. The lightbulb went off when I told them I was transitioning from male to female and the stylist switched from guy cut mode to girl cut mode.

Just curious..when you got your haircut did you ask for short hair or did you tell them you were transitioning from female to male and wanted a boys cut?

Quote from: Annah on September 20, 2012, 03:26:45 PM
I am so sorry you went through that.

For me, I went to a salon and made it clear I wanted a feminine cut. I showed them pictures and everything. Explained I was transitioning. The lightbulb went off when I told them I was transitioning from male to female and the stylist switched from guy cut mode to girl cut mode.

Just curious..when you got your haircut did you ask for short hair or did you tell them you were transitioning from female to male and wanted a boys cut?

Thanks. Yeah...I should have been more clear in what I wanted. I have been in the past and it was always so awkward. I get so nervous it is hard to even talk to them.  This time to avoid that conversation I just showed her a recent picture of me with the haircut I like and said "like this" and thought that would explain itself.  I was wrong.

I've found that if they know you as a female then it'll never be as good as if they don't know you and read you as male, no matter what you tell them.  The one time I got a guy's haircut I was really pleased with it, but unfortunately everyone in this area knows me through my parents, and my mum always books the haircut for me because I absolutely hate using the phone so she uses my birthname.  So if you pass then, like me, I'd just go to one of those walk-in places and you don't need to give your name or even really talk because you know and they know that they'll probably never see you again.  And they tend to be cheaper for some reason.

Try not to let it get you down. There's not much you can do about it now. Maybe gel it straight back to try to hid any styling? Wear a hat? It will grow back.

My insta-fix for a bad haircut is a quick shave. Seriously, you can't go wrong. Mohawk if your hair is long enough, or military style 'mohawk' if it's short. Or you can try something a bit different by shaving half of your head, or a third. No matter how feminine the face, I promise you the ruthless cut will help you pass.

Girls don't tend to go into a hairdresser and say 'shave it all off', so I find that even if you look particularly girly, people are more likely to err on the side of male if you have an uncharacteristic cut. I passed pre-T with a military style mohawk quite well, despite my dreaded angel-face syndrome.

Do you have a trans center or good gblt center in your city/town? If so you can ask who people would go to. Pre-T is a bit hard to go to a barber I'd think.

--Jay J

I'm so sorry. I had the same problem. I ended up learning how to cut my own hair with an electric clipper because I was just spending $20 to be angry every six weeks or so.

You know what the difference is between a bad haircut and a good haircut?

About 2 weeks.

When I go to the salon, they always ask, "what are we gonna do you for you today," and I say exactly this: "Men's cut, straight edges, short as you can get with a scissors on the top, fade all the way up there." I only go to great clips as opposed to a hair salon that has a largely female base. What I would suggest is go to a barber. But always, always, always specify "men's cut." My hairdresser never asks questions.

I don't know anyone who hasn't had a bad haircut at least once in their lives, so you're definitely not alone there. I'd do what others suggest and get a buzz. Make sure they square off your "sideburns". Very few females get buzz cuts, so that might be a slight confidence boost for you?

I actually strongly advise against the whole buzz cut idea. In many instances, a buzz cut can make you look like a butch lesbian, especially pre-t. Unless you have a rather masculine face, I wouldn't recommend it. One thing you need to make sure of is straight edges, no matter what haircut you get. Maybe do a Google search of which men's haircuts look nice on different face shapes--and I'm sure some ftms might have a chart you can look at or something that will say cuts that will make you look more masculine.

Back when I was "female", I had a weave which had to be buzzed off because my head was painfully infected underneath. So, after losing $525 and a lot of self-esteem, I was buzzed down to nearly nothing. I did not look masculine AT ALL. I looked like a lesbian. I will show you some pictures for reference.



This doesn't sport my face at all--minus the patchiness considering the reasoning behind having my head shaven. It just looks ridiculous, and I'm very embarrassed to post that picture, mind you.

I found that I really like "squarish" looks, so what I posted earlier is what I go with every time. Flat edges. Make sure you specify every time. If you are not satisifed, TELL THEM RIGHT AWAY. This is what they get paid to do. Do not pay for something you do not like, end of story.

If they still give you a pixie cut, just state, "I would like this to look more masculine, NOT feminine." If they don't comply with your requests, go to a different hairdresser.

Quote from: spacerace on September 20, 2012, 03:32:23 PM
Thanks. Yeah...I should have been more clear in what I wanted. I have been in the past and it was always so awkward. I get so nervous it is hard to even talk to them.  This time to avoid that conversation I just showed her a recent picture of me with the haircut I like and said "like this" and thought that would explain itself.  I was wrong.

I can't get up the courage to say something like that either. but i go to a local traditional Arab barber who only cuts men's hair. I was hoping he might read me as male, but obviously he didn't lol. I just say I like very short hair and therefore a guy's cut it just what I like. And if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else, because a men's haircut is super cheap generally. my barber only charges £6.

Maybe you could buy an electric hair clipper and get a friend to cut it? Many people look good in undercuts, or variations thereof.

I go to a unisex place. I told the person who always cuts my hair that I am trans. It seems that hair cutter school is full of transpeople. She knows trans people. That was that.

I am pre-T. The first very short cut I got was just short. The second was off the ears. The third one after I told her I was trans she cut around the ears and has been using the clippers. It makes me really happy, I call it "haircut therapy".

I am not really ready for a barber due to not being on T and not passing. But telling her I am trans was very helpful to explaining what I really wanted. I agree re: a buzz cut btw. Not that many guys have them, and it really translate to butch.

--Jay J

I just took a picture of a guy with a haircut I liked at the stylist just went at it, no questions asked.  Faux hawks look good and enough women have them that stylists don't seem to question them if you ask for one, even one that's faded really short down the sides.

I know going to the stylist sucks(my anxiety makes it a pain for me as well) but just go back and ask for them to shave the sides in a really close crop similar to the picture that PixieBoy suggested(though your hair will be shorter on top.)

Also, if there is a trans support group or something like that around you you could ask who they see, or you might get lucky and find that one of them IS a hairdresser and that would take some of the problems out of it for you.

Good luck and don't get down, like Jamie D said, it'll grow out pretty fast.

I don't mean to be a Downer Dave but I would not go with a fauxhawk either for the exact reason that ZombieDog said--women have them. If you have no problem with being misgendered or have an extremely masculine face, a fauxhawk is fine, but if you are trying to be gendered properly then again, I would NOT do a style typically worn by females. Isn't that what you're trying to get away from? I, personally, find it hard enough because lots of cis guys get misgendered for having faux hawks, let alone us trans guys. If you do get gendered properly, you might also look more "metrosexual" (is that the proper term? Like a gay man, anyway). If that's okay with you, or if that is your style, then so be it. I, personally, would not want to dress in that fashion because, well, even though I AM gay, I do not dress in that sort of fashion. Just a style choice. But whatever floats your boat.

Sorry for being so negative!

I got a mohawk a couple years ago and it made me look like a girl so I cut it off. It was already really short so I ended up having to buzz it. When I went to get it cut I just had them make the back shorter than the front and not the same length all over. It didn't look that bad and it grew out enough for me to cut it in about a month. Everyone gets a bad haircut at least once, just wear hats all the time.

kittens make everything better

Dude! I've been there recently too. Beanies, FTW. It's becoming my signature thing, haha, and it helps me pass like whoa. It completely covers any 'accidental' girl-ification that may have befallen my head, and especially with winter coming on, beanies have been my best friend. I'm too skinny for this "cold" nonsense, haha. Good luck!