Ahhh. That is one thing that really sucks about women. -_- Lol. I'd say I'm currently wrapped around someone's little finger.

Madeline you have a right to have a life, and if your wife thinks you will be unfaithful to her just because you are in transition then she has probably never understood you.  Sorry it turned out the way it did.  Hugs darl.

Realising how unfit I am after a short bike ride this morning.  I will admit I live in a hilly area, but it was a shock to see how hard it was to climb on the first ride in months.  More riding needed I think.

Karen.

I'm still very angry over what happened with my aunt. It dredged up a lot of anger from the past.

The odd general depression thing, didn't even want to get out of bed most of the day 

I broke another nail, so now I have to mess with going all the way into town tomorrow morning to get them done.

I have a gigantic positive for pollen allergies and my arms are completely swollen from the tests.

Bleeeh my sister drives me crazy even when she's trying to do something nice xD

For well over two weeks now we've had an agreement that she would come and pick Arisa up at around 6pm today, and keep her tomorrow while I go and see Ross Noble. She tends to forget so every couple of days I've been sure to remind her and confirm the day and the time

She turned up just after 1pm, literally 10 minutes after I put Arisa down for a nap....she has had the same nap time since she was 1 month old, every single day, 1 until 3, like clockwork.

She was angry at me for not being ready. Had a good moan about how I've messed up her plans for the day. I told her I would go and wake her up and grab her overnight bag and would be like 10 minutes, but she was like nope just leave her we'll come back later and drove away >.>  Am I supposed to be psychic?

This incident alone probably wouldn't be enough to annoy me but this happens so often it isn't funny any more. She knows the schedule, unless I am informed in advance that she is coming Arisa WILL be put down for a nap between 1 and 3. Why does she always turn up in that time window and then bitch at me for not being ready.

Quote from: .caleb on November 10, 2012, 04:01:26 PM
Despite finding haircuts that I think would look good on me, I can't overcome the anxiety of going to hair places. They try to do one of two things: they try to make me look "pretty" and don't cut it the way I want, or they cut it too short, which honestly just doesn't work for a guy like me, and makes passing even harder.

The thought of going anywhere to get it done now makes me sick, and I'm almost desperate enough to try cutting it myself. But I'd end up bald. I know it's because I don't pass that I am so bloody anxious. Almost 7 months on hormones and it just never happens. When they gender me female and try to make me look "pretty" it just reminds me that everything was wrong when i was born. If I was born cis, chances are, I'd be seen as male. I just hate myself so much.

Barbers and stylists that advertise in the local Gay/Lesbian paper can be your best bet, though sometimes they are a little pricier than your local dive. They are much more likely to feel safe, and more likely to be familiar with the styling concerns (and what works) for crossdressers, transmen, bois, dykes, genderqueer, and college kids with a thing for rebellious hair. Just come dressed how you feel most yourself, and tell your stylist what you want - for example, I need a cut that accentuates my masculinity and good lucks, but not too short.
Remember, not everything was wrong when you were born. An amazing male child and future man was born, with the strength and inner vision to overcome the tough role of the dice you were given. It is the soul that makes the man. Your body is a wonderful man's body because you are a wonderful man.

Feeling a bit down lately.

Usually I'd get only 5-6 hours of sleep per day. I decided to start changing my habits by getting to bed at 23:00 instead of 0:30, since I get up at 6:15 to go to the gym before work. This good habit would leave me with around 7 hours of sleep. Not eight, but much better.

The problem? I keep waking up at 5:00 too pee, and I spend like one hour awake pondering whether to go to the bathroom or hold it and try to sleep again. When I finally go, It's only 15 minutes away from getting up, and I feel so tired that I give up on going to the gym and get back on bed one extra hour.


And then things get worse. I feel guilty, flabby, and then I see a gorgeous girl on the metro.I lose all my confidence again, feel that I will never be like that, and feel bad about skipping the gym. I have little fat left, but all my muscle jiggles from lack of exercising.

Damn, ever since I started the dutasteride and the anti depressants, I keep peeing constantly. It's been ages since I got a full night of uninterrumpted sleep.

An old friend of mine's teenage daughter just committed suicide, due to at-school and online bullying. I feel heartbroken.

Quote from: Padma on November 13, 2012, 03:47:42 AM
An old friend of mine's teenage daughter just committed suicide, due to at-school and online bullying. I feel heartbroken.

-hug- -hug- -hug-

That's horrible, those bast*rds. Things like that really make me annoyed. There's no need to pick on someone and especially not to such an extent.

I hope your ok padma x

Thanks. I have no idea what this is like for my friend (and her other two daughters). There's got to be some way to teach empathy in schools.

Quote from: Padma on November 13, 2012, 05:50:34 AM
Thanks. I have no idea what this is like for my friend (and her other two daughters). There's got to be some way to teach empathy in schools.

I would have thought you shouldn't have to teach people it

Quote from: Padma on November 13, 2012, 05:50:34 AM
Thanks. I have no idea what this is like for my friend (and her other two daughters). There's got to be some way to teach empathy in schools.

Something is amiss in the home, that's where the empathy should be taught. The school's simply need to watch for signs of bullying and step in, but somewhere in the bully's home life the parents have dropped the ball.

I am so sorry Padma. It is really sad when someone takes their own life.

I was supposed to get internet on friday. They didn't show up. I'm getting it Thursday (if they show up). (This is school internet which wasn't working for me very well until now.)
I am not happy with my ability to concentrate (or lack thereof) and my memory. I need to improve them.
Yesterday, the day care was closed because it was a holiday. The university was open because it wasn't really a holiday. My psych professor decided that was a great day to schedule a midterm. Luckily, I got a babysitter.

I am single again after she decides to tell me that any affection I give creeps her out. Which is fine she has always been emotionally dead. Have no idea why I even bothered with her to begin with.

I'm single, too, good-looking! Hugs, Devlyn

awww thats sweet ^_^

I've been pretty angry over the last few days.

My brother came out as gay. And I am VERY happy that everyone in the family responded to him in the best way possible. I would never want him to experience the pain I felt when I told them I liked girls, and it getting even worse when I told them I was trans. I probably opened their minds a lot, you know? And got them educated on it, so when LW came out, he was fine.

I didn't expect, though, that it would make me so resentful. I should have had the same good experience coming out. I came out and I cried for months because I was told I'd be a prostitute, poor, that I was some feminist bitch, that I hated men, that I hated straight people, and so on and so forth. They were downright cruel and vindictive. And my brother gets a pat on the back and "you're a good person, that's all that matters." Obviously they realize that their first reaction to me was wrong, since they gave LW a different one.

But they deny it ever happened. They say "we were just fine when you came out the first time, lesbian is no problem, it's trans that is the problem." LIES. Lesbian WAS a problem. A huge problem. and no one will take any bloody ownership for the things they said and the impact thy had on me.

I honestly want to smash the hell out of something. I want to break something into smithereens, you know? They can "learn the error of their ways" and posit themselves as this goddamn beacon of tolerance, with no regard for the fact that that was gained at MY expense. That I had to do a lot of crying, that I had to hold my head high and stay strong, and never break, so that they can praise themselves for being the "good family" who doesn't reject their kids.

I am tired of being such a doormat, I am tired of being a tool for others to grow. I am tired of people using me and then abandoning me, having no regard for the things I put up with.