It's been a pretty long time since I've visited this site. I just thought I'd make a post about coming into my own and see if other people can relate because its not something a lot of people I know personally can relate to. Apologies in advance if this gets to be a little bit of a snore fest.

I first started coming here a little over a year ago when I was confused as all hell about my gender or even what it meant to be trans. I remember my grandma telling me about Chaz Bono and it struck a chord with me. I became pretty obsessed with researching trans people and and what being trans all entailed and I can remember thinking that maybe I was trans? I dealt with a lot of body image issues and I would frequently try to be overly effeminate in order to fit the mold or whatever you want to call that. I was lying to myself my entire third year of high school and to be completely honest that was when I was my lowest point. So at the start of my fourth year is started to explore my gender. I joined my school's GSA and I joined Susan's. I became friends with someone at my school who was dating a transguy and we all ended up getting along great and becoming very good friends. After a while I also tried going to our local Queer Youth Group and its possibly the best decision I've ever made. Everyone is incredibly open minded and I've met quite a few trans people through the group. This has all happened over the span of a year. I'm in college now which is about fifty times better than high school considering I grew up in a very religious and conservative area. After all this time of kind of laying back and experiencing the community and making friends with so many people I have started to feel a lot more dysphoric. I spent the past year convinced I was simply non-binary as I very obviously did not enjoy thinking of myself as being female or presenting as female in any way. Most of the people I know don't associate me with being effeminate because I simply am not. Everything would be fine if people using my given name and female pronouns hadn't started bugging me as much as they do right now. Its frustrating because I obviously don't like the thought of having to take as big of a step as changing my name but to be honest it's getting me more and more depressed being seen as female. I think I pass well enough but I'm also getting more insecure about my body and my voice. It's silly to me that after a year of being (in general) okay with my body and my presentation I am JUST NOW starting to get bothered by these things so I thought it might be a good idea to visit Susan's again.

If anyone has advice or really any kind of comment it'd be nice to hear from you guys again. People from this site have been nothing but kind to me and I have a lot to thank this site for. I'm really unsure of what steps to take first even though I kind of already know I want to change my name. It's just that the thought of having to confront people about a name change makes my stomach twist. I am a very non confrontational person and I really find myself just wishing I had a unisex name because it would all be a lot easier. Also it might be good to point out that I've talked with my parents about my being trans. They are understanding. I'm not sure if I'd call it supportive but it's more like they know I'm trying to find my identity and now that they know I'm trans a lot of things make sense to them about my mannerisms and how I was when I was a kid. I think it basically means I have to do most of this stuff on my own. They probably wont agree to calling me a different name as my dad has suggested but I think if enough people know me as Connor they might just start calling me it. Also both of my close transguy friends are starting T soon and I'm really happy for them. : ) It's made me just a little bit jealous though cause they're both gonna look/sound/FEEL so good from it (hopefully.) T seems like something miles away from me right now considering I can't even start a name change but it's something I've been thinking about a bit. I'm taking things really slowly which is contrary to most of my friends approaches but I realize that everyone goes at their own pace. I just wish I could figure this out soon so I can stop feeling so insecure.

WELP. If you managed to get through that whole thing I applaud you. I'm a pretty friendly person if you want to talk and I'd really just be happy to hear from any of you guys. Thanks for taking the time to check this out. : )

Hi Kade,

Good to see you back. Nice to have another family member round the kitchen table.

Life in college sounds great. Lots of new and challenging things happening. Lots of personal growth to boot. What happening with your progression into further dislikes of yourself are a pretty common form of progress through the life of a TG.

Maybe if you can have a chat to your college counsellor or somebody (Does the college have a GLBTIQ group?) maybe be a start in pointing you in the right direction. Maybe the name change mightn't be the first thing to do.

Well in the meantime, keep up the good job yu are doing. And keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. Don't make it so long between cups of tea. I get thirsty 

Be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

P.S. It was a good post. Filled in all the good 'gos.' Didn't for one moment even look like nodding off. Too interested in catching up.

I know how it feels to have transition far away (it took me like three years to get on T), and I guess my best advice would be to just take it one step at a time. Even though it feels very urgent when dysphoria is looming, it's not a race. If you plan on asking people to call you by your new name, I would highly, highly recommend legally changing it once you've settled on it. I am also very non-confrontational and asking people to use it was sometimes difficult. No one really gave me a lot of heartache over it, but it was still stressful for me. Having it legally changed made EVERYTHING so much easier, because I never had to worry about being called the wrong name, say, at the doctor's office. Or school - I could simply identify myself as my legal name, and since it was on the roster, professors and other students just never knew otherwise. Honestly, when you are ready to take that step it makes a phenomenal difference in how you go through the world and you feel a lot more comfortable because you don't have to worry about giving every new person you meet the explanation.

In terms of people you know, if you don't want to come out to everyone right away when you go by your chosen name, you don't actually have to tell them you're trans. My legal name is 100% male (a rather 'traditional' male name as well), but only a few people have actually said "isn't that a guy's name?" I assumed most people would "figure me out" upon hearing my male name, but most people just assumed I was a girl with a weird name. Lol. I even know a guy named James, who pre-T would get "...James can be a girl's name too!" Few people really think about trans men because they have the stereotype of the MTF who doesn't pass when they think of trans stuff.

 I could identify with a lot of that! I went thru (still am) researching this like all get out and watching way too much youtube and that sort of thing. At first I thought I was genderqueer and definitely not ftm, boy did that change. (I still feel non-binary in some ways though, where I just don't feel all the gender binary stuff applies.)

I have trouble with the name thing. Actually I am NOT having trouble being even a bit aggressive about it. Which bothers me as I think my friends are a bit put off by it. I don't think you should rush into name change or anything. Big step. My name is rather androgynous and have actually thought I wanted something more male now.

I think gradually feeling more dysphoric about your name and things like pronouns and ma'am and miss is just part of the process of coming into who you are.

I agree re: support groups thru the LBGT community or even perhaps you have transgender center in your city. Counseling isn't a bad idea either, if you can find someone who understands trans. Might be hit or miss on a college campus, with some colleges way more together on this than others.


--Jay J

Thanks for the responses! And I'm not really sure if there's a counselor at my school but I am seeing a therapist. She's a gender and sexuality specialist but i'm beginning to see more and more that she doesn't usually help trans people. She's wonderful for helping with all of my anxiety problems though.

There IS a local trans group and I actually plan on going to one of their monthly meetings tomorrow. Im nervous as hell about it but I already met some of the facilitators and they were all incredibly nice. there's also a trans group therapy meeting that happens once a month that I've been trying to attend but it's been kind of hard with my anxiety problems and trying to arrange to get approved by the person who runs the sessions. It also costs money but I have a friend who goes to it so I'm thinking I'll try and make it to next months meeting. the person who runs that is a gender specialist therapist too and once I hopefully get help with my anxiety problems from my current therapist I've been thinking about making a change. There are a lot of things to consider though having my parents know about lal this makes it about fifty times easier.

Its nice to hear though that other people take things slowly too. Most of my friends are really eager to jump into everything so its a nice change. If I come out with a name change I definitely have a place to start though that won't be too terribly awkward considering I actually did try changing my name before with my Group. the name felt weird though and I thought it was maybe too quick and too big of a step for me so I wen to back to my birthname. I know that people would be fine with calling me something different though so that's nice.

This thread has been edited for profanity in the title. TOS rule #11 states:

"Foul or obscene language, and/or subjects belongs on the street, Please do not bring it on to my site."

Please post responsibly. Thank you, hugs, Devlyn

Ah sorry. My bad I wont let it happen again.