I tried to kill myself on July 12Th, 2011, came to the next afternoon, and promised myself I had to give living the only way I knew of that could make me happy, living as a woman, a try. I ordered hormones on the 13th and took my first progynon depot shot on July 22nd. I began to feel better about life the moment I ordered my hormones from In House, but since around the second day after my first shot I've been happy for the first time in my adult life. It's only gotten better for me. Where there was endless depression, hopelessness, and self hatred for not being born a girl and not doing what needed to be done to change that fact, I've found that I've become hopeful, happy, and at peace almost constantly. There are days I feel like Alaina too, where I think I look great, then a few minutes later, see myself in another light that looks awful, fat, old, wrinkled and disgusting. Fortunately though, in 15 months and 26 days I haven't had 20 bad ones, and I owe that to HRT and my 'decision' to take them. There was no decision to be made. It was begin HRT again or die, and not for two short months like the last time, but for at least enough time to see some physical changes. It's been the best decision I've ever made.