Guest Post: Being the Spouse of a Trans Clergy Man
Saturday, November 17, 2012 - 2:00pm by

http://www.glaad.org/blog/guest-post-being-spouse-trans-clergy-man

Deborah Weekley is a mother of 5 children and grandmother of 6.  Deborah is a licensed massage therapist, providing safe space for LGTBQ persons, especially transgender persons, who wish personal healing through bodywork.  Her hobbies include bead art, paper art and spiritual drumming.  Deborah is also the spouse of Rev. David Weekley, one of two openly transgender clergy serving the United Methodist Church. She has recently contributed to a forthcoming book: Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men, edited by Trystan Cotten, which explores the relationships between transgender men and their partners. She shares her story below as a part of Transgender Awareness Week about her life and relationship with her husband.

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In many ways, marriage to a transsexual man is just like being married to any partner.  Some days it's awesome and some days it's a little not so awesome.  In other words, life has its ups and downs.  Any relationship that is a long term, a through thick and thin kind of relationship, needs to be worked on continually to stay healthy and grow.  I am fortunate.  The foundation of my relationship with David is based on love and respect.  I celebrate him as a person.  We have much in common, including a love of God, a sense of calling and deeply held values.  We share a love of music, art, nature, gardening, walking, good food, stargazing, ocean watching etc.  The fact that he transitioned female to male 38+ years ago is almost irrelevant.  Most days we do not think about it.

It is not irrelevant to some others, however.  We know this from personal experience.   We pass easily in public as a heterosexual couple. I do not think of David as a "former" woman.  He is David, my husband, my male heterosexual spouse, my honey, my lover, my guy, my hero, my best friend.  But I am always shocked when someone might comment to David, "you used to be a woman, right?"