I think Cindy is spot on. She is usually wise with a very good head on her shoulders, and her intuition is correct here IMO.

I can see things getting ugly quick. She's waiting for you to come out to them so she can either go on the defensive or so she can try to get on their side to gang up on you... hoping to change your mind.

If you want to put yourself through that just to stay with her for a year or two longer, knowing that things will be awkward and difficult until the end, that's your choice. Personally I'd advise not putting yourself through the headache. Your journey ahead is going to be a difficult one as it is, don't make it more difficult than it needs to be.

I'm sorry it's come to this. I know it's hard letting go of loved ones. I've had to let go of family too. But at some point you have to decide whether to get on with your life, or bottle up your feelings again for the rest of your life.

Not to mention, do you really want to feel like a man the rest of your life? She will probably do whatever she can to make you feel that way. "Take out the trash. Fix the sink. I'll do the dishes and the laundry, I've been doing them my whole life. The kids aren't wearing THAT!" Not to mention the awkward looks she'll probably give her friends when you try to interject into their girl talk .... this sounds like the life ahead for you hon.

Like I said before, it's time to decide what's more important to you: being with your wife, or being yourself.

Quote from: DianaP on November 19, 2012, 03:20:42 PM
Considering what I have read, there doesn't ever seem to be an optimal time. You know what? Screw them and just come out whenever they're together. If they don't like it, that's their problem and won't change regardless of when you tell them.

I am sorry but I simply have to disagree with that. People will react better to a coming-out if you treat them with respect. If you simply ram it down their throat on a take-it-or-leave-it basis then they will react badly.

Everyone I know who has had a really good coming-out experience has done it on a one-to-one basis or via a letter, where people are not embarrassed or dumbfounded as a group in front of others.

How did you come out to others? Did the group method work for you? Is that why you recommend it?

I just said to come out when they're together, not to be crazy mean about it. The people I came out to are never together in the same room, so I had to tell them individually, except for 3 of them who happened to be together. I didn't care that we were in a pizzeria birthday party. I didn't yell or talk aggressively. I didn't disregard their feelings. I just completely disregarded the time and place and came out when it was convenient for ME because while you may disagree, your coming out is technically all about you. 

To answer your question, they didn't care. They still love me.   🙂

Quote from: DianaP on November 19, 2012, 03:42:59 PM
I just said to come out when they're together, not to be crazy mean about it.

You said "You know what? Screw them and just come out whenever they're together" That does not sound terribly respectful.

Quote from: DianaP on November 19, 2012, 03:42:59 PMI just completely disregarded the time and place and came out when it was convenient for ME because while you may disagree, your coming out is technically all about you.

This is where we disagree. I would say that my transition is not about me, it is about me and the people I love as well. Their feelings, thoughts and opinions matter to me and my transition affects them too. Transition cannot take place in isolation.

Transition involves everyone, but coming out is all about you telling some people about you. It is all about the fact that you are trans. Coming out is just something about your identity and involves no one but you (unless you have an external identity, technically, but let's assume we're not dealing with that). Thus, your coming out, not transition entirely, is all about you. Other people's opinions matter to me, too, but aren't going to stop me from transitioning and they will have to find out eventually, so if there is no other optimal time, just tell them all when they're together.

I'm overwhelmed and I think that migraine is just around the corner.  So here goes some real brief answers.

Miharu: I do my diary every day, and the list can go in it also.

Tekla: Christmas is definately not going to be ruined by me.  And I like the video. 😀 Thnx

Diana: It has to be New Years now anyway since both my sons and wife will all be around.

Alaina: New Years will be kind of interesting, and I'm ready.  My marriage is over and I guess I know it. There's no reason to drag this out any more, and I have a place to live.  Just need to get some money ready.

Bev: I'll send a message.

I have no problem talking to my sons with JoAnn there.  We're still going to be a family up to that point, and the boys probably need to hear what she has to say.  Good or bad.  Anyway, the boys will make up their own minds about me no matter what JoAnn or I say.

Oh yes, please girls don't argue about it.  As long as I got the meaning it's not worth the effort to keep that up.

Peace, Kathy

As Dr. Phil sez: Someday is not a day of the week.   Or better yet, as Yoda sez: Do or not do - there is no try.  If it's important to you to tell people, you should tell them.  There is no day that's better or worse.

Quote from: kathy b on November 19, 2012, 05:01:54 PM
I have no problem talking to my sons with JoAnn there.  We're still going to be a family up to that point, and the boys probably need to hear what she has to say.  Good or bad.  Anyway, the boys will make up their own minds about me no matter what JoAnn or I say.

Yes they will.

Kids hate it when their parents try to convince them that the other parent is awful. My dad tried to do that with me to my mom and I have always resented him for it.