Hello. I am new here, so i'm sorry if I offend anyone or if I am not posting this in the right section.

I have been with my partner (cis male) for 3+ years. Ive only recently come out to him as trans. (FTM)
At first he was... less then understanding. but now he's fine.
However, recently i've been feeling comfortable enough to want to be referred to with male pronouns or gender-neutral pronouns.
I have come out to almost all close friends and some family members. But with my partner, He's very avoiding and unsupportive or even interested.He preaches to me that he is in fact supportive with it but avoids the topic when I bring up anything trans* related. He is an a band who is all Christian. I had no problem with that until last night when I over heard them talking. Turns out they do not appreciate gays at all, but are tolerant. But treat it like a joke and as if there different beings. I was so shocked once i heard. I was hoping to come out to them because it pains me to be called girlfriend. But now I am very unsure. I was hoping my partner might be supportive of me on this, but it turns out he's only in it for himself with them.  He doesn't show much support at all or even care. I tried explaining how important it is to come out to them but he's too afraid. I do not want to be around them or even supportive of their band if they cannot respect me, and see me as I wish to be seen. My partner doesn't seem to realize how much of a problem it is. He's with me, I am male. He is with a male. I do not want him to lose out on being in the band because it makes him happy but I also do not want to be made a joke and not taken seriously. I am at a loss of what to do.


So he can understand that avoiding the issue of being FTM, I gave him sort of an ultimatum.
[Coming out to his band mates December 3rd and asking them to respect or at the very least tolerate it]
[Preferred pronouns/Gender neutral ones][To see us as people and not something to laugh or discriminate against]
If my partner does not do this one thing I ask of him I told him I will not support him and his band.

Any input on what I should do is welcome, thanks!

Before you do anything you might regret.

What exactly do you think these boys are saying among themselves when they laugh about gay people?

What do you think would happen if you went up to them and announced you are transgender and the finest people you know are gay?

I only ask because, before you start laying down demands, I strongly suggest you think of what it is you're demanding.

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone who has these sort of attitudes. Even if they are just exagerated through bravado?

You see, this isn't a change in him. He is being true to type. You are just discovering what your partner is really like. Can you spend the rest of your life, some of it, on your back in a very vulnerable position, with someone who thinks it is OK to laugh about you in front of his friends.

(I have a good laugh about blacks, with my mates. But it doesn't count because they don't know my wife is black). If you see what I mean.

Truthfully, this doesn't sound like a good fit at all, but the one thing you need to understand is that your transition is not just your own, but it is a transition for everyone else around you. Your partner is not experiencing a transition that has been thrust upon him, and frankly, he seems unwilling to move forward.

Maybe he has judgmental feelings about gays or maybe he's just going with the group. Either way, he's in no way ready to be seen as a gay male (which is how you guys would be perceived if you began identifying as a transgendered male).

It's dysphoric for you, but it sounds equally painful for him. Before you try to make him out you guys to your friends, you guys need to have a conversation if he's even able to withstand your transition and if he's ready for the consequences of your transition. At this point, it sounds like he's not, which means your options are to 1) remain patient with him if it sounds like he will eventually come around and is working to do so or 2) separate and transition without him, away from his friends.

you might be moving too fast for him, or he might be unable to accept you as male.
there's no point in trying to force him to out you to his friends, the fear of social stigma could make this very difficult for him. and what do the band members matter when it's your boyfriend's acceptance that you need? what you need to find out is whether he's willing to try and accept you at all. can he treat you like a guy inside your house, where nobody sees you? if he loves you as a guy, will he still try to make you act a girl when you're together in public? or is it just with his friends? your boyfriend might eventually have to choose between you and the band, since there's no way he can force his friends to accept you if they don't want to.
remember that you're trying to force your boyfriend to out himself as gay, are you sure you want to do that to him? he must be worried out of his wits about this. instead of trying to make his band accept you, maybe you should try to find out if your boyfriend can treat you right in private first? give him time to think about whether your relationship is something worth risking his band over.

As someone who was raised in a religious home,i can really relate to this and am in kinda the same situation.i have an ex bf im living with *cis male* and i am a ftm.but my issue is,i have 2 sides coming at me.one side being my family *with the religious side* and the other being my ex bf *i see him as a friend more then anything-its complicated* anyway.my ex bf is very supportive but does not see his self as gay.He is a very de-tached kind of person and he supports my transition but makes it clear we will only be friends and room mates *in very form* my family on the other hand is very religious and hate to say it,down right hypocritical.they believe you are what you are made,anything else is an abomination and i have been literaly stalked by these family members in order for them to harass me.but being raised with this same religion in mind *christian* i believe there is a purpose for ALL things,some are made that way for a purpose *mine being to have 2 sons and relate to a female side* otherwise i can now be who god really ment for me to be.we should accept and love everyone and anyone who claims they love such but throw to the way side,is a liar.sorry if i sound cold but i have gotten sick myself with such things and say *then prove it.if you love me then accept me for who i am* doesnt mean they must go agianst their own sexual orientation but you do not treat someone as an abomination and without love.so my advice to you is to move on,tho its hard i know-i had to disown my brother and mother though i love them dearly.number 1,as the saying goes.number 1 but i hope and pray things change for you for the better tho dealing with the same on my end *and maybe its just me lol as i have a bad habit of getting such* such kinds of people never change.