Next year will mark my 20th wedding anniversary, with 10 of those years surviving as "him" and 10 years living as me.
Transition, in my opinion, is about change and adjustment, but we're NOT alone in transitioning. Anyone remaining in our lives goes through an adjustment process as well, and if we want to keep them in our lives, we need to focus on making their journey as easy as possible, even if it's at our own expense. As we transition, many focus on issues regarding looks, clothes, voice training, etc., and largely overlook the very important issue of spouse/family. Communication is extremely vital in making this work, as is ensuring that we're able to answer their questions and willing to adjust our timetables if required.
Making a relationship work can be a daunting task as we transition, but we must realize that with a 50% divorce rate, we're not alone in our struggles. Most people face challenges in making their marriages work, we simply have more hurdles to jump along the way. If you're married, knowing your spouse is of extreme importance, as is keeping them happy and maintaining open and honest communications so you can address their concerns before things spiral out of control.
Admittedly, my situation was slightly different because I was born IS and intercourse wasn't a huge part of our relationship, however keeping your spouse "satisfied" may help to stave off sex related frustrations.
Other things I did that helped to strengthen our relationship:
1. Consider adopting some of her hobbies. My spouse really enjoyed playing online MMO games, while I preferred first person shooters. I ended up switching game types to play with her, and we now spend a lot of time TOGETHER, even if only in the game(s).
2. My spouse is meticulous about her nails. Dare I call her obsessed with them. When I began transition, one of the first things we did together was learn how to do acrylic nails, using each other as guinea pigs. Eventually I also learned to do gel nails, and I make sure that her nails always look awesome.
3. Music is a big part of our lives, and playing in the house pretty much all the time. I adopted her choice of music. I didn't give up on my old style, I simply expanded what I listened to and played my preferences while alone.
4. Related to the above, prior to transition, there were many times when I'd walk into the kitchen and she would be "dancing" to the music playing. I used to roll my eyes, laugh and walk away, but now I simply join in. A few seconds of dancing can be fun, we laugh, smile have a good time. Isn't that what it's all about?
5. One of her biggest fears was me being able to "pass" in public, so we regularly went out so that she could see that her fears were unwarranted.
6. She loves to travel and explore, so I made it happen. Sometimes it was a weeklong trip to Europe or Asia, and other times it was a simple weekender to Las Vegas, but we indulged. We've since been to all 50 states, 18 countries, and have experienced New Years Eve in Times Square, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, Carnival in Rio, seen the pyramids in Egypt, the glaciers of Alaska, and tanned on the beaches in Tahiti, Hawaii, and several small islands dotting the Caribbean.
On our 15th anniversary we flew to Hawaii, and renewed our wedding vows. We bought new matching wedding sets, hired someone to do the ceremony, and exchanged them in a beachfront ceremony. It was awesome and unforgettable.
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We've lived a wonderful life together, and love each other regardless of physical characteristics.
Some will contend that sex is extremely important, while I'd contend that sex is but a small fraction of our life and can be overcome by other of life's pleasures.
