I came out when I was lets just say early teens. The idiots in the NHS never gave me blockers and im only now getting blockers when I should have been given years ago at the start of puberty. I feel angry, frustrated, sorry for myself, disgust, wonder why, suicidal, like there's a burning inside me and I will have to live with the rest of my life. I can't even talk about estrogen or hrt now without breaking down because it reminds me of what was owed to me. I was diagnosed with GID, seen by a 2 psychiatris, physical examination, in therapy over a year and yet they wait until now to give me anything. I honestly don't know how to channel these burning emotions and hatred, of course I begged for them but it's me who has to pay, not them.

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Honestly don't know what to do with them they are pretty intense but thankyou for your suggestion everything is welcomed.

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Omg, im just after "breaking down" in a sense. And that is so true, my emotions are more free to move.

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Sometimes anger is just anger, and sometimes it is a stage of the healing process called grief.

If its just anger, it is a message from our self that we are being taken advantage of or harmed, and it motivates us to stop the pattern or the harm.

If it is grief, as it commonly is when its something (now in the past) that we are powerless to change, you just have to work through the grieving process and be kind to yourself. Grief doesn't follow a set path in our hearts, but anger is usually along the way to acceptance.

I'm sorry that happened to you, but you survived, and your life is going to be better now.

Once you do have blockers, you might start seeing that anger turns to sadness. And while being angry is pretty self-destructive and isn't easily vented away, when you're sad, crying is a huge liberation. At least, it's like that for me. So for that, I think you'll feel better.

smoke weed, eat ice cream mmmmmmm

Ok, stop, Alexis. Just stop.

Can you do anything to change what's already happened? No.
Can you do anything to the people who let you down that would not also negatively impact you? No.

So you've got these emotions and they're eating away at you. I know this is going to sound trite but forgive them and forgive yourself. If your avatar pic is anything what you look like, you are going to turn out just fine. I tortured myself til I reached 55. I'm never going to be as pretty as my mother, my sister, or my daughter. Time and testosterone have done a lot to me yet even so I already am beginning to look more acceptable as a woman.

Please look forward. You have a lot going for you. If I were you I'd make it a daily meditation or prayer or whatever works for you to forgive the folks who failed you and forgive yourself. Eventually you'll realize that you've banished the anger and hate and you can move on with your life.

Looking at you, if I were in your shoes right now, I'd be ecstatic. Celebrate! You are finally beginning to move forward. Focus on the good.

No sense worrying about something you cant change.

File your energies away for later until you are in a position to be able to change the system so that no one else has to go through what you went through. Your experience will then not be for naught.

I agree with Lizmarie. I knew about this when I was your age, but it took me till almost 40 to stop letting the world get to me and move forward. Don't let things you can't change prevent you from reaching the future you're looking for.