Because I am NOT looking forward to being around my family. Mostly because I know that my being there in my man clothes with my man hair and my mustache and goatee makes everyone really uncomfortable, and I know that they'd all just be so freakin' relieved if I showed up wearing girl clothes and makeup and shaved and all that crap.

They'd be so happy and nobody would give the tiniest fraction of a damn how miserable I'd be. I guess it's great or whatever that they don't just outright say they don't want me there, or bar me from family events or something, but I know that it's not really me they want. It's the me they've all imagined all my life; a me they've invented to contradict the way I am and always have been. A me that doesn't exist and never has.


Screw Thanksgiving. I'm just going to hide in the garage all day or something. And they want me to cook. Nobody asks my brother to cook.

I hate life. Whatever.

C'mon, we'll have some eggnog. Families by and large stink. Move further away so only a card at appropriate times is necessary. I keep a thousand miles minimum between me and all family members! Hugs, Devlyn

Ditto, I moved half way across country so I never had to have a family get together again.

Hell yeah. Bordon eggnog.

Actually, I don't even have to move away to keep my family at a distance. I mean, I practically never see or hear from my father and stepmother as it is. Or my brother.

I think that my grandparents are really the most actually accepting of the lot, and I will go to my parents' house just to be with them. They're the only people I know of who see me as just me, whatever I am, and I'm who they love and it doesn't matter what I call myself or what I look like. I really don't know what I'd do without them.

But I still hate gatherings. Especially when my brother's wife's homophobic Catholic mother is going to be around.


PS you were right, eggnog fixes errthang.

Eggnog is magical elixir!

I don't really have family get togethers because there's no British equivalent to Thanksgiving.  There's Christmas I suppose, but I'm conveniently working this year (I didn't deliberately accept the shift because of this... -shifty eyes-) and my parents hate Christmas anyway.  I can feel for you on the anger at being asked to do the cooking though, at work there's some ironing that needs to be done, and only me and a woman who occasionally works there ever seem to get asked to do it by my boss.  None of the male staff have ever been asked to do it, and he has a fit if I just stand around doing nothing, but they can be doing that and not even get asked to iron.  If it wasn't a fairly informal relationship we have at work because our boss used to be a regular customer at the pub and there's only 6 regular employees I would be taking action against him.  Obviously you can't file a complaint against your family though

The four years I spent in the service involved ironing almost every day. I don't think of that as a gender related task. Every guy in the barracks ironed their uniforms. Hugs, Devlyn

I don't want to go all PollyAnna on this thread (actually I do! lol) but it's not really Thanks giving or the Holiday that sucks...  Its the people that manipulate us into being what they want us to be for their benefit.  I suggest finding a shelter and volunteering.  Family can't bitch you didn't show up and YOU WILL be appreciated.  Thoughts? 

what if family secretly bitches that you did show up?

And I mean, you can say "oh it's not holidays, it's the people" but really they don't force gettogethers outside the holidays. SO. Yeah.

Honey, they ALWAYS bitch about us in secret, its not just on holidays.  But seriously I hate to see you down about it.  They never change, maybe that's why we do. My family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional. 

Family is not where you're from, its where you go.  Book of Holly.

Go where life takes you. Book of Devlyn.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 21, 2012, 07:10:11 PM
The four years I spent in the service involved ironing almost every day. I don't think of that as a gender related task. Every guy in the barracks ironed their uniforms. Hugs, Devlyn

It's not the "housewife" gender related stereotype that gets to me, if I have clothes that aren't ironed that need ironing I'll do it, starch and all if necessary. The fact that my boss won't force anyone else to do that mindnumbingly boring task is what angers me. It's not like I'm super brilliant or anything, so it can only be our perceived genders.

Maybe I've understood you wrong, I don't know, it's 2:30am. If I have then just ignore me.

Vaguely related, cooking isn't really a females job in my eyes, I grew up in a restaurant/pub and all of the chefs were male, except my mother who was the pasty chef (as well as almost everything else). She now is a 'proper' chef but she's the only one I've ever heard of, and I know most of what goes on in kitchen s around here.

Eggnog is for amateurs.  Sorry.  Holidays were made for hard liquor, and hard liquor was made for holidays. 

I write this every year, I should just save it and cut and paste and save myself the effort.  BUT....

You don't have to spend the holidays with anyone.  You can create your own holiday traditions.

Every try to book a nice resort for Xmas?  Good luck.  No wonder Mary and Joesph spend Xmas in a manger, they didn't book ahead.  Lots of the good one are booked YEARS in advance.  You know why?
BECAUSE LOTS OF PEOPLE FOR LOTS OF DIFFERENT REASONS HATE SPENDING HOLIDAYS WITH FAMILY.
That's why.

And, there are deals to be had too.  Though you can't get near Tahoe before/during Xmas, Vegas is really, really cheap.  Really.  Last year I had a room at Ceaser's Dec 19-23 (flew back on the 24th).  The room was way cheap like $69 a night.  For a slight ($50) tip to the check-in girl we got an upgrade to a suite on the 32nd floor overlooking the fountains at the Bellagio .  And when you're up that high, and the fountains go even higher, it's worth it just for that. And for (w/tip included) $79 a night we had two rooms, floor to 15 foot cealing windows, walk in shower and a Jacuzzi in the tub. 

This year I got a suite at Mandalay Bay for 4 nights on the 50th floor, @ $79 a night, with two $50 tix to a Cirque show (less than half price) + $100 in resort cash, AND two buffets  Really, that's almost insane.  And that's before I show up and tip the desk girl - I'm expecting awesome.  And if you fly back on the 24th, after five days (and FIVE NIGHTS) in Vegas, you'll sleep all through the 25th.  I promise.

Point is, if you plan ahead you don't have to do family.  I've spent the day with friends, with family, tripping balls on a beach in SF with a Jewish girls, with strangers working at a church kitchen giving out dinners, and doing nothing.  Each has been OK in it's own way.

It's your holiday, spend it as you want.

My family is way too dysfunctional to have a holiday. I am just cooking a small duck, a mini pie and I'll be throwing some vegetables together for when I go visit my husband tomorrow. I tried cooking a meal last year for the entire family, but I am not making that mistake again. I am just looking forward to eating some good food and watching the Patriots kick some ass.

Quote from: Alex000000 on November 21, 2012, 08:33:48 PM
It's not the "housewife" gender related stereotype that gets to me, if I have clothes that aren't ironed that need ironing I'll do it, starch and all if necessary. The fact that my boss won't force anyone else to do that mindnumbingly boring task is what angers me. It's not like I'm super brilliant or anything, so it can only be our perceived genders.

Vaguely related, cooking isn't really a females job in my eyes, I grew up in a restaurant/pub and all of the chefs were male, except my mother who was the pasty chef (as well as almost everything else). She now is a 'proper' chef but she's the only one I've ever heard of, and I know most of what goes on in kitchen s around here.

I feel the same way, a lot of cooking/household things are unisex in my eyes. But, like you, I used to have an extremely sexist boss when I worked at a sandwich shop. The boss owned four shops, yet I was the only female bodied person who worked at any of the stores. It was really creepy, because he had cameras that he could watch live on his computer, so he'd always call me while working and talk to me about everything I was just doing, but he never did it to any of the guys who worked there. I'd also be the only employee that he would make clean the grout around the tiles, clean the men's room after something nasty just went on in there, wash the outside of the windows (while it was snowing! that just makes no sense to me...), and do a bunch of other ridiculous tasks. If any of my cis-male colleagues said "oh I'll do that," he'd just say "no, this is a special task for her."  I'd normally wouldn't mind doing these tasks, except that I knew he was only making me do this because he hates women. I ended up quitting after a few months after he kept trying to steal money from my paychecks (almost every week I'd have to call him to make him give me the correct hours); I wish that I reported him. [Now you'll all think that I am crazy but... About a year after I quit, I had this really intense dream where I ran into that boss on the street and we had this really in-depth conversation about why I thought he was a horrible employer and he gave me his point of view, but he seemed to actually understand my points and said that he'd change and we parted ways on good terms. Sometime after that dream I ended up getting a sandwich there and there was actually a ton of girls working and everyone seemed happy. I am sure that out spirits crossed paths psychically in another realm and we actually had that conversation together there.]

I never celebrate holidays. I don't think you need special days to be thankful, love your fellow human, care for you mom, etc. I just do what I want any day. If I want a turkey, I'll just get a gosh darn turkey. I don't care if it's not Thanksgiving; turkey tastes too good to wait!

You don't have an obligation to spend time with anyone you don't want to or with those that make you feel uncomfortable. A holiday is only another 24-hour period like any other.

Quote from: tekla on November 21, 2012, 09:03:01 PM
Eggnog is for amateurs.  Sorry.  Holidays were made for hard liquor, and hard liquor was made for holidays. 

I happen to LOVE eggnog and hate hard liquor. Taste is purely subjective. Also, some eggnog is in fact alcoholic.

QuoteLots of the good one are booked YEARS in advance.  You know why?
BECAUSE LOTS OF PEOPLE FOR LOTS OF DIFFERENT REASONS HATE SPENDING HOLIDAYS WITH FAMILY.
That's why.

I think the assertion that people take vacations around the holidays because they hate their families is patently ridiculous, not to mention completely unsubstantiated.

Quote
And, there are deals to be had too.  Though you can't get near Tahoe before/during Xmas, Vegas is really, really cheap.  Really.  Last year I had a room at Ceaser's Dec 19-23 (flew back on the 24th).  The room was way cheap like $69 a night.  For a slight ($50) tip to the check-in girl we got an upgrade to a suite on the 32nd floor overlooking the fountains at the Bellagio .  And when you're up that high, and the fountains go even higher, it's worth it just for that. And for (w/tip included) $79 a night we had two rooms, floor to 15 foot cealing windows, walk in shower and a Jacuzzi in the tub. 

This year I got a suite at Mandalay Bay for 4 nights on the 50th floor, @ $79 a night, with two $50 tix to a Cirque show (less than half price) + $100 in resort cash, AND two buffets  Really, that's almost insane.  And that's before I show up and tip the desk girl - I'm expecting awesome.  And if you fly back on the 24th, after five days (and FIVE NIGHTS) in Vegas, you'll sleep all through the 25th.  I promise.

A great deal is still too expensive when you're poor, which I am. Dirt poor. If anything, I will suck it up and be around my family for one or two days if it means I get to eat a decent meal and take some of it home with me.


I guess the hard thing is that I really love being with my family and spending time with them and all that jazz. I just don't like being disrespected, I don't like feeling unwanted, and the knowledge that they'd rather I disguise myself as something more palatable to their stodgy sensibilities just... makes me sad and depressed. I just don't feel like most of them really want me there, especially my father whom I have always idolized.

*sigh* I need a vodka cranberry.

Christopher
You hit the nail on the head - we WANT to be with our families.  We want love and respect and honesty and openess.  It's  what we want in all relationships, so we expect our families will have it too. I wish I could make it change, but we both know how hard that is.  I find sometimes that a new approach can help people connect.  It took me breaking down into tears to get through to at least 1 family member (not something that I like nor does it come easy). Still working on the rest. I will keep trying (Lord - today is Thanksgiving!) and will know in my heart if it fails it's them not me.  No one is gonna say I didn't make the effort.  You're in my thoughs today ALL DAY - please find some peace with yourself if not with your family - Holly

I have a fun day ahead too (These are hard on ALL of us who looking for acceptance)

I'll try.


Also I didn't mean to sound like a prick to that other guy. It just sort of happens sometimes. >_>;

If you keep hiding from them, they'll never get over it.

There's this guy(youtube); Every holiday or family event he would shave, wear long pants(hide leg hair) and all that crap.

One day he understood ''How can I expect them to accept this if If I keep perpetuating this feminine imagine?''

So he went to Christmas wearing a polo, cargo shorts, and a chin strap.
They were in shock but now his family doesn't care anymore.

That goes for ANYONE; You simply cannot expect your family to be okay with your transition without exposing them to it.
You either ignore the problem, meaning they'll never accept it; Or you can force the pill down their throats and force them to swallow.
It's your choice.

Also; In my family the men cook just as much as the females.
Ain't nothing wrong with that dude. I'm probably going to have to cook myself.

I realise what I'm going to say will be hit with derision.


Be yourself.


If they cannot accept you, fine. You know where you are.

If they accept you, fine. You know where you are.

You are living your life on other peoples expectation of you.

Why?

You are you. What expectations do you have of you?

Why not think for several minutes and decide where will you be in X time frame.

Guess what you have to start that process at some time. Why not know?

Listen to 'The Bell' by Pink Flloyd/ David Gilmour.