Short rant starts now:

My 30 year old sister decided it would be funny to announce in front of the entire family that her daughter needed to say "bye bye" to "Aunt Jason", then corrected herself with "Mommy's Brother-sister", then corrected herself again while laughing with "bro-ster", and finally with "sis-ther". I'm not sure how she found that so funny, but it was incredibly rude.

That was following her calling me by my birth name, then when I corrected her she laughed and says "oh whatever".

I didn't know that trying to fix what's wrong with me and never look back would entail being made fun of by my family. I didn't know I was the big joke of the room.

End short rant.
Thanks. Needed to say it somewhere.

ahh i would refuse to talk to her after that thats a total dick move, tell her that if she wants to be in your life she needs to be respectful of your identity.

That is incredibly mean. I am sorry she did that.

Depending on how old this daughter is I could find it slightly comical coming straight from her mouth so long as it was earnest confusion...

On the other hand, if your avatar is you and your ticker is correct that you've only been on T for 5 months... I wouldn't sweat it.

I agree with anibioman. that was extremely rude and disrespectful.

That's messed up stuff    I'm not sure if she thought she was being funny or what, but I see it as being intentionally disrespectful

Hugs

AJarrah, a rant here probably won't stop you sister's atrocious behavior.  You need to address the issue with her, or it will continue.

Quote from: Jamie D on November 22, 2012, 09:45:07 PM
AJarrah, a rant here probably won't stop you sister's atrocious behavior.  You need to address the issue with her, or it will continue.

I already did, she literally didn't care. The ridiculous thing is my sister knows everything about my transition and what I identify as. Her daughter is only two years old, so I thought it was a horrible idea as well to say that since she's going to go confuse the hell out of her kid.

That's messed up.  Is the rest of your family like that too?

Thanksgiving two years ago was the first time a lot of my relatives saw me after coming out.  They were all awesome and accepting except for my older sister.  She didn't make any mean jokes, though.  She just refused to acknowledge my existence.

Ah, well sorry... And sorry to hear that her daughter is going to be learning from someone like your sister about how to treat others.

Omg, I feel for you, man. 
I always hate to be such a downer on the holidays.  but it really does suck how everyone else can be laughing and having a good time and I'm unhappy or uncomfortable.  and worse, I feel like the only one.
I pretty much hung out in my room to avoid people all day today. 

Luckily, though, my accepting family far outnumbers my unaccepting family. 
If this is the same for you, or even if you have one strong ally family member, maybe you could get them to talk to your sister?  Maybe she won't listen to you, or care about her relationship with you, but if she hears it from someone else, she might listen.  She (might not) be making those jokes if she thought people (besides you) were going to call her out on them.

Quote from: JohnAlex on November 22, 2012, 10:47:06 PM
Omg, I feel for you, man. 
I always hate to be such a downer on the holidays.  but it really does suck how everyone else can be laughing and having a good time and I'm unhappy or uncomfortable.  and worse, I feel like the only one.
I pretty much hung out in my room to avoid people all day today. 

Luckily, though, my accepting family far outnumbers my unaccepting family. 
If this is the same for you, or even if you have one strong ally family member, maybe you could get them to talk to your sister?  Maybe she won't listen to you, or care about her relationship with you, but if she hears it from someone else, she might listen.  She (might not) be making those jokes if she thought people (besides you) were going to call her out on them.

Yeah, I spent thanksgiving dinner in the living room with my laptop and my plate. I didn't bother sitting at the table with her, she's such a negative person. Her positive attitude only shines when it's about something she's doing that she thinks deserves all the praise in the world. Most of my family just up and changed my identity in their minds like flipping a lightswitch, my sister and mother though apparently can't wrap their minds around it. I'm almost positive my fiance is going to rage at my sister for it, she knows how detrimental that is to my attitude and mood.

I just thought it was rude, she knows I have a good sense of humor so maybe she just thought I would find it funny too. I told her she wasn't being funny and she needed to stop, and she did. It was just the fact that she had the audacity to say something like that that took me back. I thought she knew better than to say something that could be so inappropriate and hurtful.

I'm new to the forums (so hi) but I thought I'd throw my two cents into the equation.

Your sister is lucky you have as much tact as you do. That being said I don't know what your life or living situation is but I went through a time where my older sister was absolutely disrespectful towards me. Now she still refuses to call me by Simon or he. It's always "hey you". She has made it to where we see each other now only every few years when my mother demands we share the air for a function of some sort.

Transition will help you decide who will be true to you no matter what. It is your choice to decide at what point you draw the line in the sand and demand respect regardless of the reactions of others. This is best done once you are independent and on your own.

Remember, people will only treat you the way you allow them to.

Is it wrong that I pity her child? Poor thing is going to grow up bigoted because of crap like that. Shows the character of her mother. I am SO sorry you had to deal with that.

People wonder why I help publish books geared toward educating youth on trans issues(mostly trans parents, but they are universally useful).

This frustrates me.

One of my sisters is exactly the same way, and it's especially upsetting when it is done in front of younger family members that would otherwise be totally accepting. She would always refer to me as "she/he/whatever" and introduce me to people as her "sister/brother" - tell them my birth name, and then tell them my proper name while using air quotes. I used to live with her and she babysat for some of my young cousins quite often - they all started emulating her behaviour and it made me sick that she was corrupting them. Before she started doing that they really couldn't care less about which gender I was and just took the fact that I was now a boy in their stride. Their older sister is one of a very small handful of people in my family who are 100% supportive and respectful about my transition so I can only hope that once they are old enough to reason with she will have more of an influence than my sister.

For reasons mostly unrelated to her being rude about my transition (in general she's not a nice person) we no longer speak.

That is VERY wrong. I would have a hard time ever speaking to anyone, family or not that acted that way.

Quote from: Simon on November 22, 2012, 11:15:13 PM

Your sister is lucky you have as much tact as you do.

I agree. You could have made things alot worse by arguing with her, which, by the sounds of it, would get you nowhere with her, as you have said you have already brought it up with her.
   That is such a shame that people; our very own family, can behave this way. Im sorry that she is being like that, and infront of everyone. I hope that the accepting part of your family can eventually help bring her round to being more open minded, and before she taints her childs innocent view.
   Its good though, to hear that you have your fiance there for you for support.

Quote from: anibioman on November 22, 2012, 09:09:36 PM
ahh i would refuse to talk to her after that thats a total dick move, tell her that if she wants to be in your life she needs to be respectful of your identity.

This, completely.


I definitely know how you feel. When I came out, I had the feeling that my father's side of the family would be the accepting ones, but it turns out that every single one of them turned me into a joke as well.  Whenever gender bending or gender confusion comes up, they mention me, by birth name, and laugh over it like I'm some kind of circus freak. It hurts, believe me, I know how pissed and degraded you must have felt after what she said about you. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but for me, it hasn't yet...Unless you're willing to turn away from her, the best thing you can do is grin and bare it. It might hurt, but if you laugh back at it...she might stop. It's worth a shot?

Quote from: GentlemanRDP on November 23, 2012, 11:28:53 PMthe best thing you can do is grin and bare it. It might hurt, but if you laugh back at it.

Seriously? Some of you guys allow people to treat you like crap and laugh along with them? It is bullying..adults bullying adults. If you are on your own and not dependent on them for anything STAND UP for yourself. Laughing with them may very well have the opposite effect than what you desire and make them think that what they are doing is ok.

Guys, don't let people treat you like you're less than them. You will internalize those feelings and they will become you. If you follow my advice more than a few heads may roll but in the end you'll retain your self respect and that to me is worth it.

Quote from: Simon on November 23, 2012, 11:48:47 PM
Seriously? Some of you guys allow people to treat you like crap and laugh along with them? It is bullying..adults bullying adults. If you are on your own and not dependent on them for anything STAND UP for yourself. Laughing with them may very well have the opposite effect than what you desire and make them think that what they are doing is ok.

Guys, don't let people treat you like you're less than them. You will internalize those feelings and they will become you. If you follow my advice more than a few heads may roll but in the end you'll retain your self respect and that to me is worth it.

I agree 100%, I wouldn't laugh off someone treating me like crap.