Well I am sure there are a lot of people are in the same boat as me, but i feel like i don't know my father any more, he's like a completely different person, and it makes me very sad. I feel as if i lost my dad. my parents are currently divorced, which has been very hard for me. my father and I live together in an apartment, we have are good days and bad days, but it seems like there are more bad days! My father is sort of in the transition phase. He is taking hormones and has had some electrolysis done. He is starting to grow his hair out.

         He currently works for a newspaper in philadelphia, and some of his transitioning has been set back because of his job. He is very worried about being fired. I feel that sometimes he takes his anger out on me because of his transition set back. I also rarely see him on the weekends cause every weekend he dresses up as a woman and goes clubbing, its like his only time being who he is, and i understand that, but i feel like he is always pushing me aside. I do miss the old days we had, we were very close!

Well, I can't really say anything but that I know how you feel. My mom is an emotionally abusive jerk. My parents are separated and I can only see my dad once a week as a result. My sister was taken away by foster care services for domestic issues and I can see her once in awhile.

Your dad is under a lot of stress and you may just need to have a talk about it with him.

EDIT: I don't know if you want me to call your father/mother him or her, so I'll just go with "him" since you used the word "father."

You haven't lost your Dad, you are just finding the real person under the layers of disguise.  It  is true that we don't transition alone, everyone near to us does too.
Have you suggested doing  girl type stuff together?  That would reassure him that you accept him for who he is regardless of his presentation.  Even just going out for a coffee is a chance for connection.

Karen.

yes you are right i should try to do new stuff with him. and he likes to be referred to as a she. she likes to do make up, go out clubbing, and alot of other stuff. she does alot of events on a site called meet up. dont know if you heard of it. but she likes to help otheres in her shoes. tomorrow she will be having her friends over for thanksgiving. so it should be a wonderful time

Actually your father is the same person, just the packaging is changing.  Also when one begins transition, many times they go through a second puberty.  Now is the time to reconnect.

While it may sound strange, it is like having a younger sister.  Even if this is your parent.  And about all, always show love and support.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Honey, my hart goes to you. OO

You father has no excuse for neglecting you or taking her frustrations on you. She is being a big jerk!

I which I could talk to her, because you know what, you come first, before transition or anybody else.

It is not impossible to transition while still being a father of teen kids. One just have to be thoughtfull and prioritize.

Kids always come first. Lost of talking, compromising, patientens, and lots of love.

My daughter's, which were pre teens and teens, were very concerned when I started transitioning because they thought they were loosing their father, but I reassure them that: no, no matter what I will always be their fathers.

So now, a few years latter, they are my biggest defenders and supporters.

Hope thing improve for you

OO again

Peky

Imagine you had 2 books,a book of poetry and a thriller.Suppose you put the cover of the thriller on the poetry book,its still the poetry book inside.Your Dad is still your Dad he still loves you,he hasn't changed his feelings for you.I also think doing girl stuff together would be great,I have no children and I wish I had a daughter to help me with clothes,hair and make up that would have been great.Hope it all works out for you both.

I so agree with Ms.OBrien here, I think you're both so very lucky.

You have a little sister, who needs you so very much, who needs your support, encouragement and most of all, your experience.

You have a big sister who you can go out with, exchange so many tips, have so much fun.

And zhe has the best sister in the world. You know each other, trust each other, and most of all, are there for each other.

And when, on weekday evenings, zhe is worried about loosing zer job, you can sit and listen as zhe will listen to you.

It's a bit new and probably not what you expected. But you can make it the best.

A father is a father, it cannot be a Mom, sister, or girl friend. I do not buy into the "second puberty" BS as much as I do not buy into the "middle age crises." A responsible and emotionally mature father would always put the well being of the children first, no matter what stage of transitioning she find herself in.

Yes, you can be supporting and loving, but you do not -must not- accept the burden of being the adult or loosing you Dad. Communication is important,

Good luck!

hello peky, it feels great to have someone who understands where i am coming from. thank you

Does your dad visits this forum? Maybe she can benefit from some feedback!

Okay I had to chime in here. I really feel for your issue with your father. I have a daughter who is a young teenager well preteen. I know that at this point in transition is very difficult for someone. sometimes we can get a little tunnel vision and lose sight of those around us. I don't agree with your dads behavior I'm just saying I understand. With my daughter we have bonded and are very close during this time. We do a lot of activities tougher and enjoy spending time with one another. Although I'm still married and I'm the stay at home mom. We still face our challenges. There has to be some respect for one another. She has to still be your parent and make sure that your needs are met first and foremost. Then you also need to let her have some time to be social with her friends. Now that being said not every weekend should be spent clubbing and neglecting you. She needs to still be your parent and not get angry with you. Even though transition can be very stressful it's still no excuse!

I'm sorry I don't fully understand your relationship, but you said that she takes out her anger on you. Is that in a way that when you try to express your desire to her that her spending very weekend out and with her friends she becomes upset? Or that when ever you take issue with things that arise with her transition she gets upset? I'm sorry that you have to deal with it and it can be very frustrating. She should never be taking out anger out on you! Ever! Maybe getting her to seek some sort of family counseling could benefit you both. Sometimes by having a natural party you both can get issues and terms resolved so that everyone can make an effort to feel comfortable in this trying time. I know with my daughter setting boundaries and limitations worked very well. I have always let her feel comfortable discussing the transition with me. This is effecting her life to and she needs to be able to come to me when she needs to. I may not always agree with her or her with me but talking about the issues helps us see the others point of views and we are able to make comfortable compromises that suite us both.

I wish you luck and I hope that things can get resolved. Please let me know if there is any advise I could give you.

Rea

Your feelings are totally valid.  I have young kids and try really hard to be there for them, it's hard making room for everyone but I have to do it.  Maybe you can talk to your dad.  Maybe there are things you used to do that you can continue.  Maybe there are new thing you can do together.  Maybe you can just talk some times too.

Quote from: techgoddess on November 23, 2012, 06:38:45 PM
hello peky, it feels great to have someone who understands where i am coming from. thank you

Really pleased that you have found someone who can see what you see.

I do understand your point and always did. I just feel you need to cut your parents some slack. They are humans and have feelings, vulnerabilities and peculiarities.

We'd all like to see them as the giants we knew. Perfect, invulnerable. But the relality is they aren't and never were.

Good luck with your relationship. I hope you don't drive them away, because I get the feeling you're not quite ready to face things without them near by.

Quote from: spacial on November 25, 2012, 01:45:00 PM
I hope you don't drive them away, because I get the feeling you're not quite ready to face things without them near by.

A kid, unless is a criminal, cannot "drive a parent away." A parent cannot divorce a kid, the kid was not found in the streets; the parents main responsibility is the wellbeing of her kids, transition or not.

Your parents owe you a roof, food, health , and education, all of this  legally until you are 18YO. If they are good parents they owe you mentoring, couching, love, and help for the rest of your life.

I read nothing in your post that will lead me to believe that your behaviour is either too demanding or unreasonable. You sound like a kid who feels left out by a parent, and who have been at the receiving end of much undeserving abuse.

I think your father needs to reassess who and what her priorities are. If you are a minor, maybe is time to reach for your Mom, or a social worker on the school for help.

If you are 18YO, then you need to have a frank conversation with you dad.

It sounds like Peky really said it all, no matter what your father is going through right now; she is first and foremost a parent.  If you are 18 or older yes try talking to her.  However if you are underaged her behavior is inappropriate; especially if you are under 16.  If you are under 16 she should not be leaving you home alone until late at night while she goes 'clubbing'.  To me that behavior is ridiculous if you have underaged children at home for which you are responsible for.  If you are in this range (16 or younger) I agree you maybe should think about moving with your mom, or telling a teacher at school because you deserve a more responsible parent than that.  I wish you luck and my thoughts are with you.