This is inspired by agfrommd's post Why
Do you have more close friendships with male or females? How do you think this relates to your gender (or not)? Was this always the case for you? Overall, do you find it easier to befriend males or females? Did it change after transition?


PS: Sorry to leave 'being mostly friends with nonbinary folk' out of the mix. If your friends are mostly self-identified (not what you yourself presume them to be) nonbinary, be sure to let me know in the comments.

EDIT: If you're a cis significant other or ally, I'd love to hear from you too! Are you a cis male or female and who are your friends?

I'm mtf.  I tend to be closer to other women as far as friendships go now, while having been closer friends with males before transition. One big thing is that now I do make some guys uncomfortable, while women just seem to have no issues with being around me and talking to me about whatever. I still shy away from getting too close though.

I have a ton if AFAB female friends. They took to calling me "she" right away and have been so supportive in my transition. Sometime too much and I want to talk about other stuff. I used to think that I had more female friends because it was safer but I always have and think it's just that it's more intimate for me. Aside from always having something to talk about touching, holding hands, snuggling all feels fine and natural. I love the closeness. Me having mostly female friends seems almost cliche at this point. I have two guy friends but I only reach out to them if I want to see a movie or go for a walk. I lived as a gay man I had more gay male friends but have never had trans or queer friends. I'd like to meet more.

It was pretty evenly split for a few years, but then I moved across the country and now I have more female friends than male. That is likely (and hopefully) going to change as I get out more. So... both?

I don't have friends, in the most common sense of the term. I only interact socially with people from work, which means almost exclusively females.

I imagine if I was more social and able to maintain friendships, I'd probably have more female friends, as I'm not interested in typical "guy stuff". I don't see that there would be any change pre or post-transition for me.

Quote from: Forum Admin on November 24, 2012, 01:58:28 PM
This is inspired by agfrommd's post Why
Do you have more close friendships with male or females? How do you think this relates to your gender (or not)? Was this always the case for you? Overall, do you find it easier to befriend males or females? Did it change after transition?

Other:

I'm a non-binary trans AMAB female, so I suppose I fit a couple places on the list at least. And my best friend is male, but he's also my only male friend. The majority of my friends are female and/or non-binary.

I think it relates more to circumstance than gender for me. My best friend dates from age 6, he's more like a brother than friend. I mostly make friends with females because I work/go to school in a profession that is overwhelmingly female-dominated. The non-binary friends I have are mostly accidental to gender. Though one is not.

To be honest, I don't have a lot of friends right now. I didn't keep friends through my transition except the one. And I've recently moved cities. So I'm sort of building at the moment.

I find it easier to make friends at all now. Or rather to make closer contacts with people. I used to create circles of acquaintances really easily, but they never lasted past whatever activity or thing or job had brought us together. I think I am biased in favour of non-binary, female, and/or queer (the more of those three categories the person fits, the more interested I am). Just because I feel some sense of belonging in those worlds. That's a change. I didn't used to feel like I belonged anywhere.

Most of my friends are in the same situation I am.  But even among the cis world, most are female.

Untransitioned mtf. I hung out with girls a lot until the relationship would inevitably turn sour as they saw me as a potential boyfriend whereas I just wanted to be friends. Now I am married and haven't had a friend for 6 years.

I am human, love some humans, and most of my friends are human too.

I am very socially awkward so have always had a hard time not so much in getting friends (people tend to gravitate to me but then the interest wears off for them)...but keeping them is another matter. I do push people away. I hate to hug or be close to anyone (get out my bubble! lol).

I've moved a lot in the past 3 years so that doesn't help either. When I do have friends they're usually cis females and the occasional cis guy. Other than that most of my friends are online. Seems to go better that way.

In the future I do want to make more trans friends because I think I would be far more comfortable around them.

Most of the people that helped me out in my transition were guys. Guys were the ones that gave me confidence to go out when my confidence was at a low and didn't have faith that I passed. My dear ex-boyfriend was the most delightful creature and just another brother to me. Then there are my brothers who are the most accepting guys in the universe. My greatest ally is my male partner in crime business who would do anything for me and was never fazed by my transition. I did have a number of m2f friends, but that didn't last after a few years post transition.

I have more close female friends, and I am male. Its not that I like females more than males, its just that I am afraid of males. I don't know why, but I am never fully comfortable around men, but I can be very comfortable with a female, and often try to get as close as possible to them.

I have very few close friends and it's an even split for the most part so I just chose the first one.  I can work just fine with any gender.  I get my needs met by both whereas females have a tendency to not meet some of the emotional needs I have and males have a tendency to not meet some of the emotional needs I have.

I expect, though, that I'll probably wind up with more female friends when I start to transition (what guy wants to hang out with another guy who wants to go look at drapes or talk about different sewing patterns, except for this one good friend I have?)

[Side note:  the majority of my friends are online though a couple have said they'd be willing to call and/or text, but I'm a chicken and sound female so it's not happening even if they're all aware of my trans status.  In real life, I have one close friend and she's female.]

Quote from: Epoch on November 25, 2012, 05:11:40 PMI am afraid of males. I don't know why, but I am never fully comfortable around men, but I can be very comfortable with a female

I am the SAME way around heterosexual cis males. I just feel as if I don't belong when I am around them. I am a heterosexual man (albeit trans) but I don't really like a lot of what they like. I'd rather be hanging out with the girls watching Twilight and going shopping than standing in a garage or going to a strip joint. Sometimes I wonder if hormones will change this in the next year or so..but then again I hope it doesn't. I like being me and don't want to join in on the stereotypical cis male world.

I've never had very many friends but the gender has tended to be even. I probably always identified with women more easily, but it was just easier to make friends with males and a few of them are okay.

I remember once in elementary school I spent recess playing with the girls just to establish that I could. It was a lot of fun and they were really nice to me. But I also knew that there was something "wrong" about it so I went back to either doing things with boys or doing things alone. The fact is it's just easier to make friends with men when you're seen as a man and if I do something nice for a woman there will always be questions about my "intentions," the assumption that there's an ulterior  motive and that I couldn't just want to do something nice because I like the person. That kind of thing is hard to deal with and I actually am attracted to women, although I have little interest in dating most of them, so it's easy to feel like there's something gross or obtrusive about me. But this is probably a less obtrusive version of what most gay  girls feel like.

Quote from: Simon on November 25, 2012, 05:41:17 PM
I am the SAME way around heterosexual cis males. I just feel as if I don't belong when I am around them. I am a heterosexual man (albeit trans) but I don't really like a lot of what they like. I'd rather be hanging out with the girls watching Twilight and going shopping than standing in a garage or going to a strip joint. Sometimes I wonder if hormones will change this in the next year or so..but then again I hope it doesn't. I like being me and don't want to join in on the stereotypical cis male world.

Hormones aren't going to turn you into some kind of manly man. It's okay to be you.

Quote from: Simon on November 25, 2012, 05:41:17 PM
I am the SAME way around heterosexual cis males. I just feel as if I don't belong when I am around them. I am a heterosexual man (albeit trans) but I don't really like a lot of what they like. I'd rather be hanging out with the girls watching Twilight and going shopping than standing in a garage or going to a strip joint. Sometimes I wonder if hormones will change this in the next year or so..but then again I hope it doesn't. I like being me and don't want to join in on the stereotypical cis male world.

Indeed. I have one good male friend who has helped me out a lot lately, but now he keeps talking about sex, porn, and women with me, and I never have any input for these conversations and I hope he would get the hint, but he never does. I want to tell him off, but I know that his behavior is acceptable among men, but it personally offends me.

The worst is when he comes over and he sits down on the couch, turns on netflix and says "Lets watch Strange Sex!" and I am just like "Ohgodplsno"

Everyone is so awkward. I'm sure if I was a women, women would talk to me about all sorts of inappropriate things as well.

My best friends have been women my entire adult life. When I was in college or my single post college years this was fine. After I married and had kids and took root in the suburbs it got much more complicated. All socialization was same-sex or as couples and there have been a lot of obstacles to making female friends.

Quote from: agfrommd on November 26, 2012, 07:38:31 AM
My best friends have been women my entire adult life. When I was in college or my single post college years this was fine. After I married and had kids and took root in the suburbs it got much more complicated. All socialization was same-sex or as couples and there have been a lot of obstacles to making female friends.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. Transition is not a democratic process where the will of the majority prevails. The experiences outlined by others on this thread are not typical for me. I have no trouble making friends, either male or female, but I prefer female company. Even so this has no bearing on my transition. I am transitioning because I  do not feel right with myself. I was fed up lying awake at midnight in the dark trying to stop thinking how everything felt so wrong and crying myself to sleep.

For me a benefit of transition is acceptance in the female milieu, something that my male body kept me out of, but that is merely a benefit. It is NOT why I am transitioning.

Quote from: bev2 on November 26, 2012, 08:00:42 AM

Quote from: agfrommd on November 26, 2012, 07:38:31 AM
My best friends have been women my entire adult life. When I was in college or my single post college years this was fine. After I married and had kids and took root in the suburbs it got much more complicated. All socialization was same-sex or as couples and there have been a lot of obstacles to making female friends.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. Transition is not a democratic process where the will of the majority prevails. The experiences outlined by others on this thread are not typical for me. I have no trouble making friends, either male or female, but I prefer female company. Even so this has no bearing on my transition. I am transitioning because I  do not feel right with myself. I was fed up lying awake at midnight in the dark trying to stop thinking how everything felt so wrong and crying myself to sleep.

For me a benefit of transition is acceptance in the female milieu, something that my male body kept me out of, but that is merely a benefit. It is NOT why I am transitioning.

Good point.

And there's always the desert island question: if it was just you alone and no one else to see, do you still want to transition and/or make changes to a more female existence?