Quote from: Stephanie.Izann on November 08, 2012, 11:27:40 AM
You look beautiful and I wouldn't worry about it too much...Look who's giving you that advice LOL the person that started this thread!
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Last night we went to Lesbian night at a local Bar/Restaurant.  I could tell a few of the women were trying to figure me out. My wife said it was probably all in my mind. When my wife and I were dancing I overheard the girl next to me say "You guys are hot."  But, later I had this really chunky and dare I say FUGLY butch start pointing the finger at me. I have to say my wife is pretty cute too so maybe she was pointing her out.  I handled it really well, when I started to point the finger back at her and mirrored her then she gave up kinda frustrated and walked away.  I'm not the type to let people step all over me anymore....THANKS TO THIS GROUP.

This literally sounds like something a twelve year old would do.

I worked with a bunch of twelve year olds over the summer so I mean this more specifically than the "you suck because children suck and you remind me of them" thing that most people mean. Children don't suck but this is exactly the kind of thing a lot of twelve year olds would do to someone they thought was weird.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 03, 2012, 01:26:45 AM
I've noticed that men are much, much more intuitive than women on reading a trans girl.

In my experience its the complete opposite... guys will just stare at my assets n thats it. Girls on the other hand always give me the extra double/triple stare like wth and i can just tell that they know.

I know it's hard, but sometimes you've gotta act like everybody can read your mind. That means if someone is staring at you, instead of thinking "Oh crap they know I'm trans!!", think "WTH is this B**** looking at??"

Quote from: Noelle on November 08, 2012, 02:42:25 PM
In my experience its the complete opposite... guys will just stare at my assets n thats it. Girls on the other hand always give me the extra double/triple stare like wth and i can just tell that they know.

That's not what I think.

It's easy to think that the double take is being clocked but I find that actually the reverse is true.

Where I work, it's ground zero for trans people, and I see the reactions to other trans people. An obviously clockable person will not get a second look because they have been labelled in a millisecond glance and the viewer is moving on with their day.

The other confusing issue is being hit on. My wife never was, even in her younger days, I ,OTOH, do get hit on (and I don't pass).

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 08, 2012, 05:12:45 PM
I know it's hard, but sometimes you've gotta act like everybody can read your mind. That means if someone is staring at you, instead of thinking "Oh crap they know I'm trans!!", think "WTH is this B**** looking at??"

Oh this made me laugh so hard!

I love hearing about everyones experiences! It makes me feel less weird about things. 

Quote from: Noelle on November 08, 2012, 02:42:25 PM
In my experience its the complete opposite... guys will just stare at my assets n thats it. Girls on the other hand always give me the extra double/triple stare like wth and i can just tell that they know.

Definitely, not even close.

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on November 09, 2012, 09:03:46 PM
Definitely, not even close.

??

I noticed in a recent visit to Vancouver that as I was realizing NO ONE KNOWS ME HERE, I could be more of myself. Yet, there were so many times that I just kept thinking, they are going to know. As some of you have noted, I really need to just program my mind NOT to think too much about this or it WILL not help me pass. WHen I am more confident, everything changes.

To be honest, I'm sure I don't pass in the slightest.  I'm still waiting for the grinding machinations of the NHS to catch up so I can start getting some treatment. That and living in a tiny town (population circa 12500) and being chatty enough that people recognise me means I don't really have a choice but to carry on doing what I need to do and hang the consequences.

I WAS absolutely terrified by the idea of going out and about but it turns out that people either don't notice, don't care or are too polite to be unpleasant.

Quote from: Ave on November 03, 2012, 11:53:51 PM
It's also frame size,

Ehm, yes. What looks like a giveaway to me is the shoulder and trunksize on the bottom pic. Especially your trunk.
Too wide to be a woman's and emphasised by too thin shoulderstraps on the top you're wearing.

People will look at you for all sorts of reasons, trans or not. Sometimes they're not even looking at you, but you feel like they are. Everybody deals with it even gg's. I'm not saying people don't get clocked, but I think the majority of the times we think we have been are more that we're reading into things because we're so self-conscious.

Quote from: Dahlia on November 29, 2012, 05:09:03 AM
Ehm, yes. What looks like a giveaway to me is the shoulder and trunksize on the bottom pic. Especially your trunk.
Too wide to be a woman's and emphasised by too thin shoulderstraps on the top you're wearing.

LOL, yeah, not to worried about that...even the height doesn't bother me anymore since posting since I have met sooooo many tall women. Some even taller than me (CIS  girls) As far as trunk size, I'm not sure about that. I know more than a few ladies that are not skinny. I've got curves and that really seems to help, besides that's always something that I can trim off...it's just hard when you are bound to the Hospital cafeterias and you have a child in the Intensive Care Unit to eat right.  I have a friend who is 6'6 and she laughed and told me yeah, even I get asked if I am trans! You get used to it when you are a tall girl CIS or not. I guess in the end like most of us say here, it's how you handle it. I've been going out more and more as me, and I have had no problems and even a few people telling me I'm pretty...which at this moment in time, is sooooo appreciated.

Again, I thank all of you for posting on here. Your honesty is appreciated. And I have been able to walk out as me more thanks to all of your amazing words. You've turned a negative into a positive in my heart.

Quote from: Stephanie.Izann on November 29, 2012, 03:08:49 PMI thank all of you for posting on here. Your honesty is appreciated. And I have been able to walk out as me more thanks to all of your amazing words. You've turned a negative into a positive in my heart.

Awesome news. I'm glad you're feeling better.

I have found that going out and passing has been extremely weird for me.   I have gone out and my bra straps have showed, wear makeup, padded bras, effeminate shorts, socks, pants, shorts, and have really not seen anybody looking at me too weirdly.   The line seems to be drawn at skirts.    In my neighborhood I have worn skirts and dresses outside and for the most part have been either ignored or or accepted without too much negative responses especially since I have been consistent about wearing dresses.

However, I have been lazy about switching my skirts to women's pants when going down town.   I have simply put the pants over the skirt.   At Krystal Burgers the other day the skirt stuck outside the pants and boy did I see people looking at me out of the side of their eyes with weird frowning looks on their faces.   

What's with that.   I can be called sir wearing makeup, apparently having breasts, carrying a purse, effeminate tops and shorts,  wearing tights with sandals and its seemingly ok, but the line is drawn with wearing a skirt.    I don't get it.    This also seems the line drawn with the other women in my household also.   Wearing dresses and skirts around the house both inside and out even when our kids friends are over is ok.    Wearing a dress or skirt downtown is out,  but everything else is ok.

I am getting kind of confused over what it means for me to pass or not and now that I am disappearing as a senior does it really matter or not.

I have a secret weapon in knowing how well I pass. I have hyperacute hearing; under the right conditions, I can hear a low conversation from far across the room.

I think if you could hear what I hear, many of you would be very surprised. Some people were just not raised with good manners, so they don't get that staring, talking about strangers, pointing at strangers is just not done. They do it all the time. Heck, I do it sometimes too.

But when an aggressive looking woman in a club is pointing your way, there's a damn good chance what she is saying if you could hear it is "I would so tap that!" or something a little more crass.

When I started really listening, instead of tuning out, to the crowds around me, I learned that the little girl staring and pointing at me (only a few months of hormones and even fewer full time) was talking about how much she liked the lady in the red hair and isn't she so pretty mommy. I learned that the guy was saying to his friends to check out that chick and what a nice um behind she has. We the trans* tend to have distinctive features that make us more, not less, beautiful and noticeable.

The nastiest comments I ever hear about me are the ones in my own head.

Quote from: MadelineB on December 02, 2012, 02:27:13 PM
The nastiest comments I ever hear about me are the ones in my own head.

I hear ya sister!

I tend to assume that everyone knows I transitioned but I will never admit to having transitioned.  Often times I considered how if a partner finally said something to me I would just say, "Oh I just figured you knew and you were being polite."  Except I would only say that if I was ready to end the relationship.

On second thought I would never admit to having transitioned for any reason.

I have had a couple of uncomfortable doctor visits with new doctors where I would not admit to having transitioned or write it down in the paperwork and where they would say things to tell me they knew or suspected.  I just ignored their bad behavior.  There is absolutely no reason why a doctor needs to know I transitioned in order to do lipo/body sculpting or hair transplantation and there is no reason a doctor needs to know I transitioned to prescribe an anti-biotic for having passed a kidney stone.

No one really needs to know for any reason (IMHO) assuming one is finished with transition.

Quote from: MadelineB on December 02, 2012, 02:27:13 PM


The nastiest comments I ever hear about me are the ones in my own head.

I wish this was true for me.