Quote from: KarenMTF on November 29, 2012, 10:43:31 AM
I've known I've needed to get away from him for years, but it's hard. I really don't have a problem with walking away, it's the fear of his reaction that gets me. It's a central topic in therapy and the only major obstacle to my transition. That's why I'm waiting at least 2 years to go all out. I need to learn to deal with him or learn how to walk away from him. As a kid, I stopped talking to him several times throughout the years. He'd always guilt trip me back to him through some other family member, then when I think he's ok, about a week later, he returns to his former self.  The whole family walks on eggshells around him, including his own parents, so I know it's not just me thinking the worst. I guess that just adds to the fear though.

Poor you ... but don't worry. You're among friends here, so if you ever need to share or just vent, this is the place to do it ... * hugs *

Re: What't the tipping point that made (or will make) you transition?

As soon as I knew ftm transition was possible, I was in. I had heard about ftms a few years before that such as Brandon Teena but he and others hadn't medically transitioned. I didn't know about medical or legal transition. No way I could pass. I was pretty much doing everything he was doing already (introducing myself with a masculine name, men's clothes, etc) aside from packing. I just didn't have the looks for it.

So just hearing about ftms didn't help me. It wasn't until I saw somewhere on the internet what T could do that I knew it was possible. Ironically, I think it was Buck Angel that I saw. 
That was the tipping point. One look at him could convince anyone. 
I had already come to the realization I was a guy inside many years earlier without ever reading about it or knowing it was a real condition. I just knew. I needed to see it was physically possible.

Quote from: Forum Admin on November 29, 2012, 01:38:48 PM
Re: What't the tipping point that made (or will make) you transition?

As soon as I knew ftm transition was possible, I was in. I had heard about ftms a few years before that such as Brandon Teena but he and others hadn't medically transitioned. I didn't know about medical or legal transition. No way I could pass. I was pretty much doing everything he was doing already (introducing myself with a masculine name, men's clothes, etc) aside from packing. I just didn't have the looks for it.

So just hearing about ftms didn't help me. It wasn't until I saw somewhere on the internet what T could do that I knew it was possible. Ironically, I think it was Buck Angel that I saw. 
That was the tipping point. One look at him could convince anyone. 
I had already come to the realization I was a guy inside many years earlier without ever reading about it or knowing it was a real condition. I just knew. I needed to see it was physically possible.

Role-models are so important ... For me, in my teens, it was listening to Bowie, seeing the Rocky Horror Show, then reading Jan Morris's book 'Conundrum' - the story of her sex-change, written by someone from a very similar social and intellectual background to me that woke me up to who I really was. Then the example of girls like April Ashley and Caroline Cossey (aka Tula) showed that it was possible to have a 'sex-change' (no one talked about transition then) and look feminine and sexy. Sadly, the one thing I lacked was anyone at all to reinforce my instinctive feeling that I was TS too. So many therapists told me it was just a fantasy, or a passing phase - 'nothing to worry about' - was the phrase they often used. And so the chance to transition when I was young and pretty too was missed.

One of the greatest benefits of forums like this is the chance they give to young people to discover that their feelings are real and that they are not alone. If only ...

I think my sister announcing her pregnancy tipped the scale.

After we learned my wife had a terminal illness, I was forced to consider how I was going to spend the rest of my life. Thankfully she is still with me, and I'm moving very slowly with my transition, but it is underway.

Paige

I realized that my cycle of relapse into addiction would never end unless I accepted who I was. I am stable, sober, transitioning, and content.

For me it was when i was done living a lie and had to just tell everyone i knew. I couldn't picture myself living and growing old as a man, it just doesn't fit for me. Now that I have five weeks til I start hormones which I'm extremely excited for!

This is an excellent question... I have not allowed myself the thought of transitioning at any level because I *knew* that I would be an outcast and judged negatively by everyone who sees me... I would be rejected by my uber religious family and shunned by my homophobic friends.  Essentially I never considered trying for the body I would feel comfortable in because I was sure it would be committing social suicide.

The tipping point happened this week, I spent 6 days in the hospital for an infection, my big secret (the fact that I wear bras and panties) was discovered and to my surprise no one thought it was that big of a deal.  Once I got admitted into the hospital, I kept the bra on under my hospital gown, and the acceptance was universal.  The first nurse asked if I had gynecomastia but then I explained that I didn't, I just found bras very comfortable and prefer to wear them.  We talked about it for a while and she even joked we'd make the perfect couple because the first thing she does when she comes home is take off her bra and the first thing I'd do is put one on... we could share the same bra. 

But yeah, after a week of dealing with nothing but positive and no-big-deal type attitudes to my women's underwear secret... suddenly it doesn't seem out of line or even all that crazy to actually go for what I want, and that is to have real female breasts.  Still not sure how exactly I will accomplish this feat but if it can be done, I feel good about doing it.

This post has made me think a lot, i've never been a very active member but log in and read the posts sevral times a week. I actually think I am very close to the tipping point now, i have been dressing for as long as I can remember, i have gone through periods in my life where I spent a lot of time going out as female and spend most of my time at home in female clothes but ive always hidden it away from family and friends and even though the majority of my close friends are female I have gone through stages where I have tried to fit in with straight males and did the whole muscle building and drinking bit and ive also tried to make friends with gay lads but ive never felt comfortable unless i am with other females. Over the years a number of girls I have chatted with and met have fully transitioned and are living happy full lives as females and it fills me with envy, i know get palpitatipons when I think about them and transitioning myself. Ive never had suicidal thoughts and never suffered severe depression from my gender dysphoria, i am almost 35 now and feel the clock is ticking by - i have to make a decision soon, if only I wouldnt hurt my parents, who are ill, if I told them I was really their daughter 🙁

I realised I was female quite young, and didn't understand it. I left the UK and emigrated to Australia when I was 22-23 (?)  to get SRS. I fell in love and we stayed together. She knew about my TG and accepted me living as a woman whenever I could, but she asked me not to transition. So I didn't. Fast forward, she is now totally disabled and lives in a nursing home, I'm so highly well known in my society I thought I would lose everything if I transitioned. I thought about it a lot.

I'm a very honest person and I couldn't believe that I was not being honest with my self. So I went FT.

I have not lost anything except for guilt.

I have gained everything.

I never knew what happiness was. I never knew that people could actually feel comfortable in their bodies.

I thought everyone woke up feeling as if life wasn't worth living and that the purpose of life was looking forward to death.

I've changed that point of view.

Quote from: Cindy James on December 01, 2012, 01:33:54 AM
I'm a very honest person and I couldn't believe that I was not being honest with my self. So I went FT.

I have not lost anything except for guilt.

I have gained everything.

I never knew what happiness was. I never knew that people could actually feel comfortable in their bodies.

I thought everyone woke up feeling as if life wasn't worth living and that the purpose of life was looking forward to death.

I've changed that point of view.

Thank you, I'm still feeling a little jittery been full time and this has made me feel soo much better.  🙂

Quote from: RachelH on December 01, 2012, 01:46:34 AM
Thank you, I'm still feeling a little jittery been full time and this has made me feel soo much better. 

PM me if you wish Sis. I'm happy to discuss how I went about stuff and what I learned.

Hugs

Cindy

I think my tipping point was my age, along with going online and seeing a lot more evidence of people successfully transitioning.  When I came out to my (now ex.) girlfriend, I had basically reached a point where I at least wanted it out in the open.  Her response was pretty good, which sort of sparked a realization that it might not be as bad as I thought to come out to people, at which point I decided I needed to try.

As I have reached my tipping point recently I wanted to get things moving with my GP today to see a therapist and talk through things that I have never discussed and held close in fear of exposure like us all. I made the decision this week to act and not procrastinate any more.
So besides melting today as it was hot, hot, hot in Sydney today 100F+, I went to see my local GP who I have been seeing for some time. From what others have said, she is very helpful and know what to do in these cases. I was all set after my laser session today and went to see her. I have been there before about this but need to go again.
Deep breath, I go in and try to see her.
Bother, or some other word I should not post, I have missed her by 5 minutes today.
Oh well she will be in tomorrow so I will see her then as I have her times.

I have been overthinking what to say, but as she will have my records it will make it much easier.

Wish me luck tomorrow and I hope it is not as hot, not likely....

Anyway if your out there Cindy, get the red hot poker ready if I pike out and don't see her tomorrow.
I will expect an interigation this time tomorrow from you.
What have I got to loose? What have any of us got to loose?

Very nervous
J

The realization of being transgender came to me in the spring of 2011. From that point forward, I thought about transitioning non-stop for eight months. It was the number one topic on my mind during that time, and I did so much reading and research and watching videos. Like someone else said, one of the biggest factors in my decision was just seeing how many people could do it (and have done it) successfully. There are many more reasons; I could talk for hours (and have done so with my former psychologist) and must stop myself from writing an endless wall-of-text here. Having finally accepted that I'd never really connected with masculinity, that my friendships with guys were based on things other than feeling like "one of the guys," that I'd always (even if only unconsciously) related better to women than to men, among many other revelations, I was able to make my decision to transition because I realized that I couldn't stand the thought of living as a man (or trying to be a man, to be accepted as a man) for the rest of my life. Then I felt that my transition couldn't start soon enough. Even if the road is rocky in the beginning (and may well be for several years), why wouldn't you want to prolong, as much as possible, the time that you'll spend living the way that makes you the most happy? In other words, you should consider how much you might regret not starting earlier, once you're on the other side.

I'm deeply saddened that anyone ever has to think of transition as an absolute last resort out of fears of "going through hell." What that does is shift the onus entirely onto you; you have to be responsible and take the fall for other people's prejudices. But why should it be like that? If there weren't so much transphobia and other forms of bigotry in the world, then transition would be a no-brainer for most. Remember that fear is one of the most powerful methods of control. That's why terrorists are often so effective. But that's also why the right thing to do is having policies like not negotiating with terrorists. No good ever came from succumbing to fear and letting others control you through fear. Although nobody will fault you for choosing the path of least resistance, please don't forget that the other choice, the choice of taking a stand, is not only a way to help yourself but also others (however indirectly) who may be in situations that are similar to yours. Please consider why so many gay people have chosen to come out at great personal risk: It's the best way, perhaps the only way, to change the hearts and minds of homophobic loved ones who don't otherwise know any gay people personally. And you know what? It has worked.

Quote from: Cindy James on December 01, 2012, 01:33:54 AM
I realised I was female quite young, and didn't understand it. I left the UK and emigrated to Australia when I was 22-23 (?)  to get SRS. I fell in love and we stayed together. She knew about my TG and accepted me living as a woman whenever I could, but she asked me not to transition. So I didn't. Fast forward, she is now totally disabled and lives in a nursing home, I'm so highly well known in my society I thought I would lose everything if I transitioned. I thought about it a lot.

I'm a very honest person and I couldn't believe that I was not being honest with my self. So I went FT.

I have not lost anything except for guilt.

I have gained everything.

I never knew what happiness was. I never knew that people could actually feel comfortable in their bodies.

I thought everyone woke up feeling as if life wasn't worth living and that the purpose of life was looking forward to death.

I've changed that point of view.

These are inspirational words for me too. My work is very public and my transition would/will be impossible to keep secret - as in 'out of the media'. I, too, have been terrified of the effect that would have, not so much on me as on my wife and children. I fear them being shamed, humiliated and pestered. I also fear for my ability to keep earning money once my trans status goes public.

But the knowledge that others have walked that same path and survived is incredibly helpful. Thank you!

This thread has been incredibly helpful and one of my tipping points, so thank you all for that. I have begun transitioning in many ways already (my behavior, my appearance), but really transitioning physically has been something I am a bit afraid of. I still am, so very, very afraid.

My family isn't the most conservative one, but I know my mother will be ashamed and want to hide my "secret", my father will most likely not accept this and my other relatives, well, they will judge and question. This makes me afraid, but also determined. Before I thought about transitioning, I'd never have considered going against their judgement in anything, I was really a push-over; and now that I know this really rings true to me, and that this is something they will have lots of prejudice about, my determination to walk this road even if I know many will not accept me makes my decision feel so true and real and dear. Somewhere along the way I have begun to accept myself, I've never felt that before, and now I do, all thanks to understanding that I am transgender.

The other, a bit shorter point and realization was that as a girl, I would never find happiness. Especially in romantic relationships: even if the person was right and the feelings were real, I was always wrong and out of place, and I hated that. In other relationships, well, I don't have many feelings towards my relatives or any people I call friends. I have somewhat of a grim outlook on life and people. Transitioning, I think, means I could really relate to them all and build real relationships with them, not just something that always feels fake when there's this big, physical wall between me and the world and the wall is all others can see.

So there are my points. Again, thanks for all these stories and thoughts. 🙂

I realised I had spent 10 years wishing and wanting to be a woman and I couldn't face another 10 years of the same.The thought of dying an old man having lived an empty and unfulfilled life terrified me.

After being too scared at 22 and not even really knowing what to do to start. 

After thinking marriage would "fix" me at 28. 

After starting therapy but then going back to repressing it for fear of never seeing my children at 32. 

Finally when I divorced at 38 I decided nothing was going to stand in my way any longer.

And nothing did...Now at 40 I have transitioned and I am happier than I have been in my whole life. I am a woman, still friends with my ex and have a great relationship with my children.

I don't know if I would have killed myself or not and I think that's an awful standard to set in place.

I don't know if there was really a tipping point, but there was a confluence of factors. For one thing, my life had in a sense already gone to hell (after starting out somewhere nearby) and I spent my teenage years picking up the pieces. Something like transition would have been, literally, unthinkable to me at that point in my life.

Right now, I'm a lot more secure in things, I have a lot more supports and resources, and I'm in a relatively trans accepting area. Not the best, but not the worst either. Once those things came together I gradually started to seriously think about HRT and transition.

The closest thing to a "tipping point" was after I reached a kind of "crisis stage." I had come out to myself, started to seek out HRT, and then back tracked out of fear. I thought that if I ignored the problem then it would go away and that  I could eventually move far away so that the very small number of people who I had talked to would totally cease to be a possible influence on my life. Instead things started to get worse and the stress began to interfere with my life, schoolwork, etc. I thought maybe I could put up with it for a long time at the cost of my happiness, productivity, and well being, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to try. Plus I wanted to transition while I'm still relatively young.

I haven't started social transition yet, but I plan to after I give HRT a chance to do its work some and after I get some lasers shot at my face. So that's where I am.