someone plz help me. i am a girl biologically. i am younger and having a birthday in jan 2013. but since the age of 5 i have always acted like a boy-short haircut, attire of that kind,etc. but after sometime i came to know about the difference and resolved to undergo transition. people now think that i am a tomboy but it is far above that. but i need hormone blockers at this stage i want to start it now as since puberty i have been started hating my body more than ever. i dont even look at myself. but there are just so many hurdles-
1. my mom had breast cancer so i am also on a high risk so it is in my favor to get 'em removed. but some cells would be still left so i worry if it, god forbids, happens someday then it will spread very fast. my mom also has liver related problems and i have read that T can cause liver cancer. so my genes are prohibiting me.
2. i dont know how to tell my parents about it. i live in india where such topics are extremely sensitive. even if my parents agree the society would do some harm to them-thoughts like these cross my mind. but i still dont know how to tell them. i dont talk much with them. i am thinking that this b'day i should disclose it to them. the cost is also a problem. the cancer thing has created a financial problem.
i also want to know if hormone blockers cause anything wrong?
and i need help on the 2nd problem quickly. plz plz plz help me cause now i have been thinking of extreme steps. i have tolerated puberty for 1 year and cant take for even a second more. it feels better to die.

Hi av1,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

You have a large task ahead of you, but not insurmountable. Obviously there are some unique cultural and social norms that we either don't understand or not aware of. That being the case, maybe it would be better for you in the first place to speak to either a medical professional that can explain your situation to your family in a more constructive way. Or perhaps speak to a trusted family relative, providing they can empathise with you and be sensitive to the family issues. Hope this may be a good start for you.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I don't know if I have much uplifting things to tell you.
I think you pretty much have to tell your parents to start hormone blockers. I don't think there's any way around that.
I don't know anything about where you live, but is it possible it's not as bad as you think it is?  I was so worried about coming out here, but I haven't had a single problem, ever.  and that totally shocked me. maybe I was freaking out over nothing?

Also, I know this may not be what you want to hear, because I know you feel pretty miserable now (I've been there), but it's very important to remember that life does get better.  Even if you live in a bad area and can't get hormone blockers, someday you will have the ability to move away, move to some city with all kinds of trans resources make all kinds of friends you never had, and be the happiest you've ever been.
I got through my hard times by dreaming of my desired future and constantly striving for that.

Hey there,

First of all, you need to calm down, as most of your fears are irrational. I'll explain.

How old are you? Hormone blockers may be beneficial to you if you haven't fully developed breasts or hips yet. If you have, the blockers won't help you much. Probably the most important thing for you to do right now would be to seek therapy, which involves coming out to your parents. The more research you do about the subject before you do this, the less likely they will be to react negatively. I will list some resources at the end of this message where you can get some locally-specific information.

In regards to your cancer issues, just because you're mom had breast cancer does not mean you will get it. It does mean that you have a higher risk of getting breast cancer, but as long as your doctor is aware of this risk, you and your doctor can monitor your health more closely so you can catch it early and treat it if it does occur. Men also have breast tissue and can get breast cancer, so even having top surgery would not eliminate this possibility. However, it seems logical that having less breast tissue would make it less likely. Either way, the risk of breast cancer should not be your motivation for wanting top surgery. Your only motivation should be your dysphoria.

In regards to liver problems, T does not cause liver cancer. T is a highly researched and tested hormone and would not be prescribed so widely if it "caused liver cancer." I believe what you are referring to is guys that take T orally, which can have very harmful effects on the liver like many supplements do. However, T is not prescribed orally anymore, specifically because of these harmful effects.

Concerning cost, T is relatively very cheap and I've found it to be cheaper in countries outside of the states and the UK. I'm not sure what kind of testosterone is the most common there, but there are many different kinds. As long as you don't take T orally, you will be fine under doctor supervision.

Estrogen blockers tend to be more expensive, but I cannot attest to prices in your country. Either people take a aromatase inhibiter such as (chemical names) anastrozole, exemestane, letrozole, or they take a GnRH analog such as (brand names) Lupron, Synarel, and Zolodex. Other common brand names are Clomid, Evista, Fareston and Soltamox. I know Clomid is pretty prevalent here in Egypt in pharmacies. If it makes you feel any better, estrogen blockers are sometimes prescribed to help treat breast cancer. But they do have side affects that vary on which you take- these can include blood clots, bone loss, and fatigue.

The best thing you can do is be patient. Even if you go through puberty and have to wait to get on T, T is a very powerful hormone that will reverse many of the changes you experience going through female puberty. There are avenues for you to transition in India, but you may not be able to do these things until you're 18. If you end up having to wait, you can do other things to boost your natural testosterone in the meantime and do things like work out to give yourself a more male appearance. Based on the amount of side affects, I would say estrogen blockers are less safe than T to take without medical supervision- so if self-medicating was one of your extreme thoughts, I would not risk it. Many of us had to wait until we were 18 or much later to transition, and I would recommend focusing on school and your future career to help pass the time.

However, if you really want to explore your options, I'd send an email or call some of the following organizations in India that work with transgendered people to explore your options. They may even be able to give you resources to help you come out to you parents. I'm also including a list of surgeons for future reference, but I would not contact them at this point.

Cheers.

Info:

Bangalore
Sangama
A sexuality minorities human rights organization for individuals oppressed due to their sexual preference, including Female-to-male/male-to-female transsexuals and other transgenders. We aim to help live their lives with self acceptance, self respect and dignity.
Helpline: see website
Web: www.sangama.org

Gujarat
Lakshya Trust
Support group for LGBT communities, AIDS awareness programs for MSM in Baroda, Surat and Rajkot.
Contact: Sylvester Merchant
Email: lakshya121@rediffmail.com

Parma Vadodara
Helpline, support group for lesbians, bisexual, transgender.
Contact: Indira Pathak/Maya Sharma
Email: parma@hotmail.com
Phone: 0265-5535610, Monday to Friday, 10 – 4p

Karnataka
Alternative Law Forum
Bisexual women, lesbians, MSM in general, transgender people.
Email: alforum@vsnl.net

Jagruthi
Sexual health agency for men who have sex with men (MSM) and transgender people.
Contact: Renu Appachu
Email: jagru@vsnl.net, jaagru@yahoo.com

Kerala
Sahayatrika
Provides support for queer women, lesbian, bisexual women and F2M transgender people.
Helpline: 9744955866
Email: sahayatrika@gmail.com

Maharashtra
Transpal Foundation
A volunteer-run, non-profit community support organization for transgender people, providing assistance to anyone troubled by gender dysphoria, plus support for SOFFA's (significant others, families, friends and allies.)
Contact: Kiran
Email: transpals@yahoo.com, transpals@hotmail.com

Mumbai
Bombay Dost
Bi-monthly 'Sunday High' events related to LGBT rights and health issues and other regular events (picnics, outings, etc.)
Contact: Nitin Karani, Vivek Raj Anand, Girish Kumar P
Email: bombaydost2009@gmail.com
Web: bombay-dost.pbworks.com, www.bombaydost.co.in (magazine)

Sampoorna
A Trans network of Indians across the globe. [Trans: Transgender, Transsexual, Intersexual and Gender Variant]. The Group meets monthly in Mumbai. Membership can be requested by writing to: sampoornaindia@yahoo.com. The network also keeps connected through a mailing list (see below.)

New Delhi
Anjuman – Jnu Students' Queer Collective
Anjuman seeks to initiate discussion on queer issues on campus.
Email: anjuman_jnu@yahoo.co.in

Tamil Nadu
Saathii – Chennai
Support/empowerment of all non-heterosexual and transgender people regardless of self-identification; awareness-raising of alternate sexualities and gender issues.
Contact: Dr. L. Ramakrishnan, Country Director (Programs and Research)
Email: saathii@yahoo.com, lramakrishnan@saathii.org
Web: www.saathii.org

Manasu
A helpline for members of the transgender community, their families and the public.
Phone: 044-25990505

Mailing lists
Sampoorna
A Trans network of Indians across the globe. [Trans: Transgender, Transsexual, Intersexual and Gender Variant]. The network keeps connected through a mailing list. The group also meets monthly in Mumbai (see above.)
Web: groups.yahoo.com/group/sampoorna

LGBT-India Yahoo! Mailing List
Web: groups.yahoo.com/group/lgbt-india

Doctors and Surgeons

Ahmedabad
Dr. Bilwani – Gujarat Burns Hospital and Research Centre
Top surgery

Calcutta
Dr. Manoj Khanna
Top surgery
Web: www.cosmeticsurgery-india.com

Gurgaon
Dr. Khazanchi - Medanta Medicity
Plastic and Aesthetic surgeon
Web: www.medanta.org

Madras
Dr. Sudhakar Krishnamurti
Top surgery
Email: sudhakarkrishnamurti@rediffmail.com
Web: www.sudhakarkrishnamurti.com

Mumbai
Dr. Gurvinder Kalra
Asst. Prof., Department of Psychiatry, Sion Hospital
(Note: "Very enthusiastic about trans work.")

Dr. Dheeraj Kapoor
Endocrinologist
Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital & Medical Research Institute
Web: www.kokilabenhospital.com

Dr. Neeta Patel
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon
Top surgery

Dr. Devendra Save
Psychiatrist, Karuna Hospital, Borivali W
(Note: Appointments can be booked in person only.)

New Delhi
Sitaram Bhartia Institute of Science and Research
Gender clinic with  surgeons, endocrinologists and psychiatrists.
Dr. Kavita Arora (therapy)

Dr. Kotwal (top surgery)
Web: www.sitarambhartia.org and gender.dysphoria.googlepages.com/home

Dr. Sadhna Vohra
Top surgery
Phone: 011 – 26021324

Dr. Manohar Lal Sharma
Top surgery
Web: www.aestheticsurgeon.org

Dr. P.K. Talwar
Top surgery
Phone: 011-91-11-6312

Dr. Suresh Gupta
Top Surgery
Phone: 91-11-618077

Dr. S.S. Sethi
Top Surgery
Phone: 011-91-11-5894

what  u all said was really supportive. thnx. i had disclosed it just online and it feels that i ain't alone.
but i still dont know how to tell to my parents. 
@jamison the development has started. its like the mid point. cant disclose my age according to forum rules.

If you're having issues telling your parents, there's a lot of ideas for how to do that.  you can even google search for ideas and tips for coming out.
You can write a letter or tell them in person, or have someone tell them for you.  I think it's important to anticipate your parents' reaction and know how they will take it and use that to decide how to tell them.  Sometimes you can get friends or people who support you to be there with you when you tell your parents.  Sometimes you can leave a booklet or something for them to read to become more educated about what being trans is.

Here's information from our Wiki: https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_out_to_Family
I hope this is helpful! Thank the Wiki Staff!