Two nights ago, I woke up, apparently from a dream the details of which I can't recall, but when I awoke, a strange fear came over me about having SRS, it even morphed into a panic attack. The nexus of the fear could have been that when I first came out to my brother, he said "he heard" (what a myth this is!) that people who "have their penis cut off" usually commit suicide after realizing what they have done.

Anyway, the panic attack only lasted about a minute, I quickly grounded myself and started clearly and realized this must have been some weird manifestation of my alcohol and drug recovery as I am still suffering from Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

In my normal state, I have no doubts or fears about this, in fact, when I think about the fact that in few weeks, I will have finally have realized my dream, I want to pinch myself.

I am just wondering if anyone else experienced anything like this.

Yup... and for years afterwards I had disturbing dreams.  They are just dreams and don't mean much as far as I'm concerned.  My most reocurring dream was that the surgery didn't take and Johnson would plop out in the most embarrasing situations. The second most common is that my friends and family would strip me and put me on parade in public.  These dreams are now gone.

Cindi

I haven't dreamt about SRS (not quite there yet), but I do have occasional dreams of being intimate with my wife as a guy and other "guyish" things like that. I wake up from those dreams feeling terribly sad and depressed for awhile, but I look at more as grieving, as a healing process - rather than as doubt.

So I'm sure I'll grieve the loss of my male genitals too, as I've never *hated* them as so many people do. I am embarassed by them when aroused, but I'm not *obsessed* with them. They're healthy, they worked well enough over the years, so when they're gone I WILL miss them in a way. But still, it's a necessary loss.

~Kate~

Your question reminds me of something I heard a doctor on the radio talk about. He said that "studies have shown" that we will believe what a person close to us says over totally proven scientific fact. For example you might hear that it has been proven by professionals using a time tested scientific method that beyond a shadow of a doubt you don't really get cramps from swimming within an hour of eating a meal. Yet your friend or brother or mother tells you that you will get cramps and to wait an hour before you go swimming, chances are good you probably won't be swimming until an hour after you eat. So maybe you're really not afraid of having the surgery and it could be on some level you tend to believe most of what your brother tells you.