Hi everybody!

I'm 24 years old, male body and confused mind.  At least since I was a teenager I have fantasized, daydreamed and wished that I could somehow become a girl, and before that I can remember always being curious and fascinated that girls were different from boys.  I've always felt a little ashamed that I can't make these thoughts go away, and my first reaction was to ignore it and hope it goes away.  I can usually keep my thoughts reigned in during the day, but they always come out late at night when I'm trying to go to bed.  Almost every night for at least the last 12 years I've had to tell myself "Ok, fine.  I'll think of myself as a girl tonight, but this is the LAST time!".  Of course, it never is...

I got annoyed with fighting a losing battle against my brain and I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few months (thanks to all of you who made youtube videos, wrote blogs, and posted to this forum!).  I'm thankful that I've never felt super depressed about my "I want to be a girl" thoughts but it weighs on me at times.  I've felt better recently, since I'm no longer afraid to talk to myself about the problem.  I'm still super-paranoid about talking to anybody I know in real life, though.

I'm sure I have lots more to say but I want to click the "post" button before I chicken out .

Hi emschuma,

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Janet 

Good story. Look forward to seeing you around the board.

Emschuma, welcome from southern California.

I admire your bravery.  Taking that first step on your journey to self-discovery is sometimes the hardest.

Just about everyone here started with questions:

"Who am I?"  and "Why do I feel like I do?"

I think you are on you way to finding the answers.

Hi Emschuma, welcome from Boston! Don't worry, we're a friendly group. Grab a seat and get comfortable. Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks for the warm welcome, everybody!

Hi Emschuma!  I think it's great that you are 'talking to yourself' about the way you feel.  If you can't allow yourself to openly think about these feelings then you may be doing yourself a disservice in the end.  At 24, I think this is a perfect time to grow into and explore yourself and all that it may entail.  Give yourself time, there's no rush.  My best friend just began her transition 6 months ago at age 29.  Good luck, and I'm so glad you found this forum as a support system!

Thanks, Spring0721!  I tried ignoring a completely different issue a few years ago, and in the end I got really sick.  That probably should have been my wake-up call to stop ignoring these feelings, too ... but better late than never, right?

Best of luck to your friend, I hope everything goes smoothly for her!

Hi emschuma,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Good to hear you are making sense of this whole Gender Idenity thingy. You're absolutely right on all fronts. This DOES NOT  go away; under any circumstances. 

Perhaps a good place to start talking would be with a professional gender therapist. At least they have heard it all before and can give you some answers, pertinent to you.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Emschuma, I am very happy you came here and joined this site but now I am very concerned and worried for you. If you need a friend add me, call me, reach out to us we are here for each other. I wish I knew what words I could write that would help you but I don't have the words that would be proper here, life as you know it s*cks then we die so think about the "now" here and know we all traveled the same or similar paths.......it's going to be OK just remember I am here if you need any help.

Thanks for the advice Catherine!  I've done a little research into gender therapists already, and I'll probably go through the local big university's clinic... I wonder if I can get an alumni discount?   I'll go there when I'm ready.

Shelly, thanks for the concern and I'll keep you in mind if I ever need somebody to talk to in the future .  For the most part life is going well (especially when I can keep my mind on other things!), so please try not to worry too much.

Welcome, and thanks for coming in and introducing yourself!

I hope you'll find what you need here. If there's anything we can help with, just ask!