but you guessed that didn't you?

Any how my name is Jeremy. I am here because a guy named Ryan(don't know his name here) said he got a lot of help here when he was coming to understand being FTM. I am XY male and came out as gay at 17. I grew up in a house and community where gender was set in stone. If you had a Y chromosome you were male if not you were female no in-between. I have called myself a gay man since I came out but a few years ago I started reading about transgenders, transsexuals, and such. It got me thinking but since I live in a tiny hick town and didn't have any way to grasp what that information made me feel I buried it. This didn't help me since I suffer from depression... I have the good fortune and misfortune to have a genius IQ so I have so far been able to pull myself back from the brink when I find myself there. In recent months I started to attend a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They have helped immensely with my issues which I won't waste your time listing. I also recently had a discussion with a friend about crossdressing and uncovered a feeling. When I was a kid I would see girls running around in dresses and short-shorts and I would have a strong reaction. Back then I misinterpreted it as disgust was actually a sort of jealousy. Boys had to wear long pants and knee length shorts even on the hottest summer day. When the girls could walk around in a breezy sundress or  pair of short-shorts and not suffer the wrath of old Sol. I told my friend if he wanted to try Cd and needed someone to go with him when he bought some girl clothes(I hope that doesn't offend anyone but calling them boy clothes or girl clothes seems to fit). I also said that I wanted to try someday but was waiting till I lost a lot of weight. I bought a pair of fishnet stockings(costume junk) and put them on... they felt like they had been a part of my wardrobe for years. Cut to a month ago when my psychiatrist diagnosed me as having OCD and Social Anxiety Disorder and put me on Lexapro the effect has been astounding. First I have asked one guy out and nearly asked another(something I would have never done 3 months ago) and for the last week have been talking to a really great guy via skype:D! Then came the day after Thanksgiving I went shopping with my friend and realized that I had lost enough weight to shop at places like American Eagle and Aeropostale again! I bought several new outfits(all boy clothes btw) and was smiling so hard that weekend I think I may have hurt my face! XD I decided a couple of days later that I didn't want to wait anymore and even though I was(am) 20+ from my goal weight to give crossdressing a try I bought a blue denim skirt. A couple of days later I bought some panties and a fitted t-shirt. I love them all! I haven't messed with makeup yet. But I will. I started questioning myself some. Talking with Ryan has helped a lot. I am fairly sure I am Genderfluid. I have moments where I will feel very feminine or very masculine. I usually suppress these feelings because of the environment I am in. I also have moments where I will look at my chest and feel something is missing. I have only had feelings regarding my lower half a couple of times but I think those were more curiosity. Well that is all my brain has for now I look forward to discussing things with folks here!

Hi Jeremy,

Welcome to our little family. Over 9217 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

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Janet 

Welcome! It's great that you're really coming to "find yourself", as they say. No need to put a label on it, and just be happy with who you are. I am sure there are many others here in your situation who can help you... Sometimes, it's just nice to know that someone understands. You'll find lots of understanding here! In fact, I get how you feel already. I started out just dabbling here and there and feeling like both genders were right for me. I consider myself male and dress and live as male 24/7, but I love helping gals out with style/make up etc. However, not everyone chooses one. I have a friend who will dress up in a dress and make-up and then wear a suit the next. She considers herself "female with a twist" and is truly remarkable.

Hi Jeremy, it's nice to meet you! I'm up near Boston. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

Jeremy, hey there.  Welcome form southern California.

Any of us with gender dysphoria start with some significant introspection.  The answers are not always self-evident  You are on a journey of self-discovery.  Many of your friends here are on a similar journey.

Welcome Jeremy!  First of all I'm so glad you're here & have found this online community.  Second, a BIG congratulations on your weightloss, that's amazing & I'm glad you're gaining more confidence   Third, Dannyxd said it well...NO need to put a label on it, just be who you are!

Thanks for the warm welcome. I already like it here! 

Welcome, Jeremy!

One question... What group should I request to join here? I am not MTF, female, and reasonably sure I am not male either... I feel masculine and feminine on different days... still not sure about my chest though. I still think it is missing something at times.

Quote from: veritasinchains on December 13, 2012, 08:03:11 AM
One question... What group should I request to join here? I am not MTF, female, and reasonably sure I am not male either... I feel masculine and feminine on different days... still not sure about my chest though. I still think it is missing something at times.

You can post in whatever forum you'd like based on whatever you feel like that day.  That's the great thing about this community, you can post in mtf, ftm, intersex or even androgynous...don't feel like you have to limit or type yourself into a category! Once again glad you're here and look forward to hear more about you.