Quote from: muuu on December 06, 2012, 08:59:55 AM
What is there to talk about?
That I'm not sure what they really think of me? Whatever they say about that won't change anything, unless it's them agreeing that they don't accept me. They might also be offended that I don't think they accept me, though I guess that at least gets things moving.

If you never open the lines of communication then you'll never give them a chance to prove you wrong. If this is bothering you so much you need to get in there get into their head and have everyone speak open and honestly about their feelings.  You may be surprised, but then you will know the problem is with you and not them. But if you find out they really don't accept you and think your pathetic, then this is also good because then you have reason to move on and forget them. 

I know I'm wasting my time telling you this though because your going to make an excuse.

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... And I guess, how do I know if they aren't lying out of pity?

You don't.  And you never will.  You never get to know what's deep in someone else's heart, if that's what your asking.  So you just have to find a place to be content with no knowing, and just carry on, trusting your instincts. 

You ask. "I'd like to know what you really think about X. I get the impression you're not fully honest with me to spare my feelings."

Things are rarely as complicated as you figure. And people are often not as evil as tekla describes them. Especially your family. But that doesn't apply to work. Employers are mean.

I'm not saying that people are evil (at least not in this thread), I'm just saying that no person ever knows what is in another person's heart.  Or what their motivations might be.  Could be they like you and want to spare your feelings, or that they are just humoring you or outright lying to you (OK, those might be evil), or that they are just not up to a fight or argument, or they just don't care and say the easy thing to get out of it, or that they don't want to take the heat for 'having the wrong opinion or idea' (and there is a lot of that, I'm sure - despite the notion that the arts and entertainment are so very liberal - that there are just as many racists in Hollywood as in any other population, it's just that they know if they said that stuff out loud they'd be out of a job, so they don't).

So that...there are just some things you don't ever get to know and you have to find a way to be content and at peace with not knowing.

Muuu, I think what A says is correct.  You just have to go in with total honesty and tell them how you feel and ask that they respect you enough to be honest about their feelings with you. Tell them you want complete honesty. Its not easy and you will need to take the first step.

As I look through this thread the mixed array of answers show how complicated dealing with parents can be for some people.  That makes me sad because I know how much my parents mean to me.  I know as a parent myself that my children are the most important thing in the world to me.  I was watching Lana Wachowski's HRC video the other day and what she said was right, getting good parents is like winning the lottery.  So Muuu I don't know you or your family or how you really feel but if they really are good parents then I think you owe them and yourself a chance to maintain that bond.  This is just my opinion though.

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My advice to you, Muuu, is that regardless of what you decide for this Christmas, just don't slam any doors shut that don't have to be slammed. Someday you may change your mind and want to see them again. If that is not this year or next, ok! Just leave the door open. Time can change things.