Okay I tried to post this once before but my internet flaked out on me.

So here we go again, I still live at home with my parents who are very ignorant of trans issues.
I think I am an mtf because when I have memories from my childhood about wanting to be a girl, I would play with girls toys and I would want to be a girl whenever I would play pretend games. I became far more masculine as I got older until I wasn't that much different from other guys on the outside but inside I have always felt different from them. Around the age of 13 I began to have doubts about my sexual orientation and later on my gender identity. I just wasn't as crazy about sex and girls as most boys my age were and still are. I always cared very little about my appearance until recently when I have started to consider passing as female at least some of the time.  I'm still haven't been able to do that and recently I have started to want to dress in women's cloths, I have started wearing a girl's headband in private and it feels very calming. I have always been somewhat angry for no reason whatsoever but I felt really relaxed when I wear something that is associated with the other sex.

Where do you think I should go from here ? Are my options limited? 

Hi there, welcome to Susan's Place.

Are you able to get your doctor to refer you to a therapist? That is usually the first step towards figuring out what's going on with you, and it would provide a safe environment for you to explore these thoughts.

Aethan.

Hi Slow Music,

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Quote from: Slow Music on December 09, 2012, 09:31:41 AM
Okay I tried to post this once before but my internet flaked out on me.

So here we go again, I still live at home with my parents who are very ignorant of trans issues.
I think I am an mtf because when I have memories from my childhood about wanting to be a girl, I would play with girls toys and I would want to be a girl whenever I would play pretend games. I became far more masculine as I got older until I wasn't that much different from other guys on the outside but inside I have always felt different from them. Around the age of 13 I began to have doubts about my sexual orientation and later on my gender identity. I just wasn't as crazy about sex and girls as most boys my age were and still are. I always cared very little about my appearance until recently when I have started to consider passing as female at least some of the time.  I'm still haven't been able to do that and recently I have started to want to dress in women's cloths, I have started wearing a girl's headband in private and it feels very calming. I have always been somewhat angry for no reason whatsoever but I felt really relaxed when I wear something that is associated with the other sex.

Where do you think I should go from here ? Are my options limited?

This isn't a question anyone can answer for you. It's something you know inside yourself.

That you are even thinking about it demonstrates there is an issue.

But....and this is really important.... Being transgender isn't necessarily about presenting to society as the opposite sex and saving up for SRS. It's a state of mind, of your identity, how you relate.

Some might take it to that point. The results appear to be so positive as to be nearly unanimous.

But for any number of reasons, many don't go nearly that far.

What you need to do, is read other's stories, read other's news. Understand others and get a better understanding of who you are and what you need.

Thank you all for responding and the welcome

I would personally love to see a therapist about this but I think the doctor who is on friendly terms with my parents might tell them and I don't want them to know until I can be independent of them.
Is there any other way I can find a therapist ?

Also I am trying to collect as much information on this as I can but I have only recently allowed myself to look into being trans as a reality, I used to always deny to myself.

That's good to hear Slow. Information is what you really need. By the sound of it, you're not yet fully independant and you're unsure of your parent's reaction. These are all very common here.

There is loads of informaiton on Susans'. But if you ask whatever you need to know or anything you'd like to clarify, then please do. I will caution you in attempting to build up a case to argue aginst parents, for example, these rarely work since parents are generally not interested in having their sprogs question their judgements.

But we're here to support.

I can understand that you are concerned about your parents, but your doctor is bound by law to keep what you tell him/her confidential (unless they think you have committed/intend to commit a criminal act).

I am currently working on finishing my transition but i have always had an attraction to females *am ftm* but also seen myself as male,as far as friendships goes, no me and females did not get along ever.i loved sex but with only females,sure i have with males but in 28 years i have never found satisfaction with a male.it was only during my childhood and teen/early adult years that i was ignorant to it all.just found myself doing things or many things that took place to make me say *i dont feel like me* so it wasnt until a few months ago i was able to even put a definition on it.for me,its simple things like - how do i feel when hair grows on my face? *i used to feel like i wanted to let it grow but that forced female image would make me shave in order to be that image-without the hair,i felt like i was being someone else *following what was put in my head* then being me* how do i feel when i put on female type clothes? *during those periods when i tried to be fem,i would look at myself and would literaly scream inside -get me the hell out of these things!-* i despise make up,i hate bra's and i have always been the dominate type so trying to play that fem submissive type of role for me,on top of everything else,literaly made me sick.no one can really help you with such things,these are a personal struggle we all deal with and its up to us to say *yeah i think its time to see someone* which i have just currently started talking to my doctor about transition.

slow the only advice i have for you is do what feels right. you cant go wrong doing what is right in your heart

Thank you Deeper then Swords I will try my GP and see how it goes.

Thank you lily of the vally for the advice.