I played football and I also did shotput in track in high school.  I toke shop and diesel tec while in school.  I married joined army to prove that "I am a man" but just lying to myself

I think at the moment that I'm still having strong denial, as I am basically acting like a straight cis woman a lot more than I did pre-realisation because I don't want my fiancé to leave me, sabotaging the last 6 months of weight loss by overeating, and drinking a lot.

I was terrified of my thoughts and refused to explore or even acknowledge them.  I kept my hair really short because "girls have long hair, and I'm not a girl"

My (now) ex-girlfriend once suggested that it might be interesting if we could trade bodies.  Instead of admitting to thinking about body swapping all the time, I instantly said "no" and then spent the next hour hoping that I didn't answer too quickly.

Quote from: Tristan_Markus on November 01, 2012, 07:56:02 PM
i'm gonna be honest here. Being trans scared me like nothing else in my life, i think feeling like i was an incomplete person freaked me out. i denied it for probably about 5 years. i tried really hard to be a femme lesbian for a long time. lots of sex and drugs. i came out about a year and a half ago and it was the hardest, best decision of my life.

I'm really sorry I missed your post before.

Big huggggs. Jill

I tried to be a man back in high school by joining the wrestling team but quit after like a month because it was like torture to me. Then I joined the marines when I graduated high school and served in the infantry. I hated every moment of those four years. I didn't know I was transgender then but I know I hated myself and somehow wanted to change who I was. I was always uncomfortable with myself but didn't know why. It was around this time I realized I was bi with a preference towards guys but I really suppressed that fact and didn't want to face it.

I ended up buying a house because that's what a successful man would do and ended up getting really depressed, self mutilated because I didn't care about my body and hated it, and drank - all in isolation due to my bad social anxiety. I just felt like I imprisoned myself and I wanted to die about half the time.  That lasted a few years and I did a lot of introspection during that time and once I realized what I was my self-hatred just somehow lifted. I'm now living in an apartment trying to save money for surgery. I feel comfortable enough with myself to start reaching out to people and my anxiety has been improving so I'm definitely on the right path now. I'll never hurt myself again.