Hi everyone. I haven't posted in a while and I've been having some issues lately and right away, I thought here would be the best place to come for advice.

In terms of transitioning/hormones, things are going well. I hit 1 year on T last month and changes are going well. My voice is much deeper, got some sweet sideburns going on which I love, and I pass 99.9% of the time. The things I'm having trouble with are a bit more general.

I had an awful experience in the workforce. I was verbally abused by my managers within the first few weeks of my job, and it's the second job I've had since August. I was so excited to start, it was at a music/movie store which I had been a customer at since I was a kid. I won't go into specifics on what was said to me, it wasn't to do with gender or anything, just my "performance" at work and I believe I could have been approached in a much better way about it, instead I was sworn at and humiliated multiple times. I ended up leaving a few weeks ago after HR got involved and the people I worked with who had done it denied it all and a transfer to a different store was not an option.

So, I'm unemployed again. That's not the worst thing, I can handle it. It's annoying not having that money especially around this time of year, but to be honest, I was being paid pretty badly and it wasn't worth being miserable and not sleeping the night before I had to go there. That put a little stress on me, but like I said, I thought I was able to handle it well.

It took a big blow on my self esteem. Two jobs so quickly that ended on pretty bad terms, and both because I believe I've been targeted as the new kid in each workplace. I ended up retreating into my house and I've been a bit of a hermit.
I've always struggled with my weight since I was a kid, and was always bullied for it throughout school. I've packed on some weight since this stuff happened, and now I'm finding it pretty difficult trying to get rid of it.. which is making my self esteem worse, and exacerbating the problem even more so. Again, without going into specifics - my BMI is above 35, which makes me feel awful.

My girlfriend has been staying with her parents in a different state, so I haven't had one of my biggest supports here to help me deal with this stuff. It's not her fault, though, but she won't be able to come back here until just after Christmas, in a little over 2 weeks.

I've had almost no motivation to go to the gym. It's around an hour's trip on the train, and I haven't been able to get my provisional driver's license yet. I'm a lot closer to being eligible to taking the test which is a plus, but for now I'm limited. It's going to get a lot hotter here now that summer is about to really start, and usually during summer I always want to stay inside because the heat here makes me feel ill. Which, in turn, will make working out even more difficult, seeing as I have limited options at home that I know about.

Going back to driving, I had a (minor) car accident last week, and my back windshield ended up smashing completely, along with the back of my car denting a fair bit. The problem is being taken care of, thanks to the generosity of my mum's partner who offered to help me deal with it. Being an unemployed, out of school 18 year old, I still can't help but feel like a financial burden on my mum and her partner.

I guess I'm just.. really overwhelmed. My weight is getting to me more than anything, and I feel like no matter how hard I try (even when I was going to the gym regularly, changing my diet, etc) the results just never seem to show for the work I'd put in. It's made my body dysphoria worse; I feel heavy, ugly and I can't get rid of this awful burden on my chest that I should never have been born with to begin with, but I know the surgeon I'll be going to for chest surgery will recommend that I drop this extra weight before it happens. I can't sleep properly. I eat too much. I'm unemployed, and I don't have much money. I have no motivation. I just.. feel crappy, almost all the time.

Sorry to be a drag, everyone. I just need some advice on things.

Ah I am really sorry about your job situation; it really blows being out of work.

If you can't make it to the gym, I'd try working out at home. If you're relatively new to working out, try getting some DVDs at a local store. I am not sure what's available in your country, but here in the USA the P90X and Insanity series are really popular--but they're meant more for people who have already been working out and you need to order them. Things like The Firm and Gaiam (just ignore the fact that they're more marketed toward women) can offer a decent at-home workout, especially for someone who's new to exercising.

If you'd perfer to exercise outside, and it's getting hot, I'd suggest buying a belt that holds water bottles. I used to live in Florida, and I'd go running 6 days a week, no matter how hot or humid it was. This is the belt I used to hold water in: http://www.hayneedle.com/sale/fuelbelttrailrunnerblackhydrationbelt.cfm?source=pla&adtype=pla&kw=&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=FBL010&gclid=CILkrtTxj7QCFYqZ4Aoda3gAFw

Also, if you write a schedule and put down weekly or monthly goals, I think you might stick with your workout more. I like to put down something like "Tuesday, run 2 miles; Wednesday do speed practice; Thursday do yoga." Or something like that. I find I feel guilty if I don't stick to it. You should also experiment with working out at different times during the day. I have a friend who forces herself to workout at 5 am every day because she knows she won't do it any other time, I like to work out in the evenings because I am always too hungry first thing in the morning.

Stephen Covey wrote that it takes 21-days to make a habit, so whenever I get into a new regimen I try to just remember that if I stick with it that long, I should be good.

With diet, it's probably hard if you live with your parents and basically have to eat whatever they give you, but if you have any say in what they buy try to make healthy suggestions. Since you're out of work right now, maybe you could start making dinner (if you don't already) and make healthy meals. If you have a smartphone, try downloading one of the many diet apps or food logs (I like Calorific). If you don't, just write down in a notebook what you eat every day, and how much (either actually measure or just guesstimate whether it's a quarter handful, half a handful, full handful, etc.). Studies show that just writing down what you eat everyday helps you become more aware of your eating habits and better able to change.

And, your girlfriend coming in a little over 2 weeks should be some motivation. 

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 10, 2012, 07:09:24 AM


With diet, it's probably hard if you live with your parents and basically have to eat whatever they give you, but if you have any say in what they buy try to make healthy suggestions. Since you're out of work right now, maybe you could start making dinner (if you don't already) and make healthy meals. If you have a smartphone, try downloading one of the many diet apps or food logs (I like Calorific). If you don't, just write down in a notebook what you eat every day, and how much (either actually measure or just guesstimate whether it's a quarter handful, half a handful, full handful, etc.). Studies show that just writing down what you eat everyday helps you become more aware of your eating habits and better able to change.

This worked great for  me... I felt a bit silly tracking my calorie intake and such but it actually helped me to SEE what i eat to cut it down to a decent amount. I did it for a few weeks until I was kinda accustomed to eating a certain amount and I still kinda reach it every day +/- 100.
Also, looking up stuff you can do at home is a great idea and I actually prefer it to going to the gym cause round here even the higher class ones are packed with imbeciles and I'd rather not have that

Thanks for your replies guys.

Today will be the first day of me starting to record what I eat (I haven't done it in ages, so I'm going to try not to forget to do it lol.)
I think this Summer will be mostly working out from home. I wish I could go to a gym closer to my home, but because of the people who live here, and because the gyms around here are full of people I went to school with who would recognize me and probably make it very uncomfortable, it's not an option at the moment. The gym I go to is great... just.. far away.

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 10, 2012, 07:09:24 AM
If you'd perfer to exercise outside, and it's getting hot, I'd suggest buying a belt that holds water bottles. I used to live in Florida, and I'd go running 6 days a week, no matter how hot or humid it was. This is the belt I used to hold water in: http://www.hayneedle.com/sale/fuelbelttrailrunnerblackhydrationbelt.cfm?source=pla&adtype=pla&kw=&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=FBL010&gclid=CILkrtTxj7QCFYqZ4Aoda3gAFw

That looks awesome! Thinking I will need to invest in getting one.

I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with your job. The managers were totally out of order.

Is there not a nearer-by gym you can join?

Quote from: Morgan. on December 10, 2012, 07:44:14 PM

That looks awesome! Thinking I will need to invest in getting one.

It's the best work-out related investment I ever made (aside from good running shoes). It's nice because the little pockets are perfect for holding your ID and a set of keys.