I'm going fricken nuts. -_- I've lately been struggling to cope with not being able to get pregnant more than usual. In fact usually I don't even care, but right now I'm just pissed off at the world. I think the trigger might have been from watching my dog's pregnancy? Idk, I guess that sounds silly. >.< Ugh, at any rate I've been obsessing over that even though it's been over for like 4 months, and I've been aggressively youtubing ciswomen make vlogs about their pregnancy. I do want kids even if I can't get pregnant but it's beginning to sound incredibly unrealistic that I'm somehow gonna magically make $80,000 and pay someone to have him/her, especially when people on here are struggling to pay for their $20,000 SRS, which I also want! UGH, all those vlogs just irritate me because they can get pregnant whenever they want! And I won't ever... There may be tons of infertile ciswomen, but they have hope. I don't.

When I come out to one of my friends, I'm seriously going to be like "Heyyy, wanna have a baby just so I can in some way before I'm doomed to complete infertility?"

You can always adopt. But bear in mind that having a baby takes a lot more of just wanting to have one. I recommend you to focus on yourself first. As you say transition is time and money consuming.

I'm sure you'll be a great mother when the time comes.

 Adoption is a good option, as stated, but it's not always simple and you can also find someone who already has children, too, but I realize that this option is lacking.

In any case, it may be that you will have to deal with not having children. So, making a plan B is important. You could adopt a hobby that places you with kids, so you could teach them, interact with them, and experience happiness with them. This could work by looking after a daycare, or helping out with children's sports or other extracurricular activities, or if you were really hardcore, you could train to become their sensei.

All the willpower in the world cannot change many things. I am not one to be saying this, but there are a few things that just have to be accepted as impossible so you can move on from them. I suck at thinking things are impossible, myself, so I know how difficult this step could be. I also know what a terrible heartache it is to not be able to be pregnant.

So... I sympathize, as best as I can.

Trista, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time being a mom is an incredible thing whether you gave birth to the child or not.  I'm sure you've thought of this, but I would encourage you to bank your own sperm before you have your srs surgery if your desire to have biological chldren is that strong.  I think you can bank up to 3 donations for a period of 5 years for around $1500.  While that doesn't solve your problem, it does buy you time and still allows you to have your surgery without worrying about the possibility of having children and having to do it right NOW.  I agree right now should be about YOU & you need to put all of your interests and focus on you.  Once children get here, it's really not about you at all and you may find your own needs to be put on hold until they are grown (18 years is a LONG time)!  It does sound like these pregnancy vlogs are making you even more upset no one wants you to feel like that, and there are many choices besides biological children as well.  When the time is right, I know you will be a great mom. 

My Mom could not have children naturally.  So Mom and Dad decided to adopt.  Thus I became one of the chosen ones.  Adopted kids are wanted, where as natural children may not be.