Hi everyone,
Well how to start. I'm completely new to this whole forum thing, I'm really not used to letting anyone know what's going on with me; I've got used to being secretive. But I'm having a hard time coping right now, and I think I need to know I'm not alone.
I've just come out to my parents as mtf transgendered; I'm 25, but I've known what I am for a long time. I've known for as long as I can remember that I wasn't normal, that I didn't feel like I was really male. I started to understand in my teens what was going on, why I felt the way I do. I wanted so badly to act on how I felt, but I was always too scared, I didn't have the courage to move forward.
After so many years of being miserable I've finally decided that I have to act. I need to be myself.
My parents reacted much better than I thought, there trying to be supportive but I know there having a hard time dealing. I still live at home with them, I know that might seem odd for someone of 25, but all three of us work together from home, and even if I wanted to move out, I couldn't afford it. I know there finding things difficult, and I sympathize with them, but I need their support now and can't afford to keep putting their feelings before mine, that's one of the reasons it's taken me so long to come out.
I'm planning to transition fully in the New Year. Fortunately my appearance is fairly ambiguous gender wise; and I started on low dose hormones by myself about two years ago. I've recently started taking hormones in a higher dosage and I think I'm feminizing quite well. My face is becoming more feminine, and I even have breasts already; though admittedly small ones. I am planning on going to the doctor and going through with the whole referrals process; and then getting hormones officially. I just want to transition first, and get comfortable living in my new gender before going to see a therapist. I know the first thing they would get me to do anyway would be to start living as female, and I think if I'm already doing that it'll be easier.
I'm building up a wardrobe and makeup, and getting ready for the change. I'm really scared about it though. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pass, but I'm terrified that someone might realize what I am.
I'm feeling pretty lonely right now; I've never exactly had many friends; I only really have a couple, and I'm not from a big family. My parents are the only people I've come out to, though other people know I'm not really normal.
I think I'm just feeling the need to reach out, so that I know I'm not alone.
xxx

Putting their feelings before yours seems to be a common trait. I definitely do the same thing to my own detriment.

Definitely go out in your true gender (the one you're transitioning to) a bit before trying to go full time if you haven't already. That is a major major adjustment and if you're this scared about it, you may not be ready for some of the jerks you're going to encounter.

Normal should never be applied to people. Being different is what makes us who we are, anybody, tg or not. I'm sure the number of people that fit the definition of what constitutes normal is dramatically lower than you think. And normal is in the eye of the beholder. Normal to me might not be normal to you.

Hi Kate,

Welcome to our little family. Over 9295 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

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Janet 

wow, thankyou. i didnt expect a reply so soon.
im planning to start going out in my mew gender as soon as i have my clothes and makeup put together, and ive had a chance to become comfortable in my self around my pearents. hopefully by early january ill be ready. i carnt wait much longer. i feel like ive been waiting all my life and now im finaly going to be myself. xxx

Hi Kate, welcome!

It sounds like you're on a positive route to becoming who you really are, that's great! Do let us know if we can help in any way. Treat us like an extra family .

Love,

Aethan x

Kate, welcome & so glad you're here.  It sounds like you're in a difficult situation at home, but I'm glad you had the courage to comeout to your parents.  As far as friends, well I hope that you're able to make a ton of new ones from this forum....there are amazing & kind people on here that will be able to help & guide you on your way.  It sounds like you at least have a plan at this point, I'm really hoping it goes well for you.  And truly what's 'normal' anyway, don't try to compare yourself to anyone else...just try to be the you that will make you happy:) again SO glad you're here!

Hi Kate,

Fear is a natural response to change and it often quite irrational as well. So don't get put off by fear. It would be a good idea to talk to a gender therapist who can certainly help you get your mind around the changes and how to react to the bright new world.

I think from my readings on this forum, is that mast MtF who have come out and are living full time as their true gender have had very little problems in being accepted.

You can follow my story for example.

I came out full time a few months ago in a job that I have been in for 30 years and I'm very well known in my society and profession. Going FT did seem an impossible dream for me and I had, I thought, so much to lose.

I think it would be reasonable to say that no one has given a rat's arse about it (sorry I'm Australian ). In fact people have been incredibly supportive, helpful and very very charming.

I'm happy and content and look forward to going to work.

I have not lost anything

I have gained a life.

Hugs

Cindy

Hi Kate, it's nice to meet you! I'm up near Boston. We're glad you found the site, see you around! Hugs, Devlyn

thankyou so much to everyone who's replied. you've really made me feel welcome. I've allways avoided reaching out, but it helps a lot knowing that there are people out there who are willing to accept me as who i am. I've felt pretty lonely for a long time. knowing that there are people like me out there who will listen, or even just say hi, really helps me to feel less isolated.
xxx

your family will always bd there for you just tell them how you feel they will stick by you even if the dont understand if they dont agree they are rather youd be happy than live in misery they will just be glad your happy now give your pairents afew weeks if it takes any time at all in the end they will just be happy you told them how you feel and live in a way that makes you happy

Welcome to Susan's, Kate. Congratulations on your coming out and transitioning. It's tough right now but you
are on the right track.  It's great that you have the support of your parents. 

Hi Kate and welcome to Susan's.  Based on my past experiences here, there are many good people from which to draw information and experiences.  Listen to what they have to say.  I wish I had come out to my parents long before I did (I was about 42).  I let my fears get in the way of things and I hope that you won't.  As suggested, see a gender therapist.  I did and though my path didn't go as it should have, I learned a lot from her about myself and received the needed confirmation about my female gender.  I hope you'll stay here, make friends, and continue your journey and fulfill your dreams.
Kathy