I think I would love to have just one person that could actually be there when I really need someone to be there.

I know of so much via online, but, sometimes I don't want to be staring at a screen when life is making me want to cry.

The shrink has yet to get back to me to tell me about his evaluation. Been a month now, and being the holiday season is likely no help. So I have not heard about anything, not that I am deluded, crazy, TG, not TG, merely chemically buggered all to hell, or just plain suffering from too much hate of my gender.

I feel totally and hopelessly alone. No hope in ever seeing any forward movement worth mention.

And I am financially incapable of just about any sort of solution. I have no vehicle, and I have never had one no a license. I get as far as my legs can carry me, and considering my health, that is not far and it takes a long time too. I like walking, its just that telling me there are great support groups in Toronto is the same as telling me I could find oodles of friends on mars.

Every day it seems to be the same. A constant fight to just not cry. No one seems to detect this in me. I have trouble with my memory, because I have trouble just plain caring to remember. It's not like I can't remember, I just don't seem to have any reason to feel like it.
Every day is just another day. So what, I forgot to do such and such, I can always do it tomorrow.

The only thing that would give me peace, some way to have a wood working shop, it is a dream I can't see happening.
I could stop caring about so many things that depress me, if only I could hide from them in a shop. But I have not had a shop since 2000, and I can't figure out how to get one back.

I know we have a ton of Canadian members, but as I am in California, and am ignorant about the details of Ontario geography, I hope some other Canadians will chime in.

Basic details of Southern/Central Ontario.

It is essentialy almost surrounded by large bodies of water Huron, Erie, Ontario and those bodies of water have the US on the other side. Southern/Central Ontario likely projects into the USA like a long penninsula. Our communications are very much saturated in US content due to proximity. The area is either small farms or urban sprawl along the lakes for the most part. North of me is cottage country and nothing by small lakes bog and bugs.

I guess I live on what you could call the demarcation zone. South of me is developed, and north of me is oodles of wilderness. My town is like 3 miles wide straddling a river that is part of the local water way (Trent Severn). And there is a great deal of nothing much for 30 minutes in any direction. If you lack a car, there really isn't much of any way out of town other than a daily bus to Toronto (expensive as hell too).

Hi and welcome Lesley_Roberta,

Sorry about you not having friend to turn to. I do have one buddy that lives a good part of their life as female, in your area but not close like a few minutes drive, they are in the Peterborough area. My Mom was born and lived here early life in Lindsay. In my early years back in the 1950's my parents took us for a week vacation at a lodge on Sturgeon Lake. They showed us Lindsay. I hadn't been there again until around 2000 when my wife did some family genealogy research, so we went a couple of times to a cemetery in Lindsay and another time over the last 10 years to find the lodge we went to. we also had friends with cottages near Fenlon Falls. Been there once in the last 10 years too.

Jamie