Me too!The bar/club scene were I am is not the place for a romantic LTR.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on December 06, 2012, 08:56:37 PM
Hells Bells, Ida.  I would settle for a boyfriend, girlfriend or even a pitt bull puppy.

You crack me up, sis! 

Quote from: Brooke777 on December 10, 2012, 03:10:57 PM
I would love to be in a caring relationship with someone. I am a very social girl, and seem to meet people wherever I go. I don't have any trouble getting hit on (and it happens a fair amount). However, I feel that anyone who hits on me is just after sex, and I'm not OK with that. Don't get me wrong, sex is great. But, I want someone (male, female, neither, both) who will hold me, care for me, and make me feel loved and safe. So far, I have yet to find that.

*hug*

Quote from: Brooke777 on December 10, 2012, 03:10:57 PM
I would love to be in a caring relationship with someone. I am a very social girl, and seem to meet people wherever I go. I don't have any trouble getting hit on (and it happens a fair amount). However, I feel that anyone who hits on me is just after sex, and I'm not OK with that. Don't get me wrong, sex is great. But, I want someone (male, female, neither, both) who will hold me, care for me, and make me feel loved and safe. So far, I have yet to find that.

You are an amazing woman Brooke, and you light up any room you are in. I suspect that now that you are yourself 24/7, you'll have many more chances to meet people with common interests and values who will recognize how special you are, and see an intelligent, capable, fascinating woman and not just a hot body.

BTW, they say that one of the main avenues for finding love is through the introductions of friends. That means I've been slacking on the job!

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on December 06, 2012, 08:56:37 PM
Hells Bells, Ida.  I would settle for a boyfriend, girlfriend or even a pitt bull puppy.

One may settle for a boyfriend, maybe even a girlfriend.

But a pit bull puppy! There is no settling for perfection.

I'm a kitten. Only straight cis guys are interested in me, and only if I keep my current form (which I hate).

Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 11, 2012, 02:06:45 AM
I'm a kitten. Only straight cis guys are interested in me, and only if I keep my current form (which I hate).

Deeper, most people aren't very good at reading people, and take surface values for reality. That's the only way that so many of us transgender people could manage to fool the world for so long presenting in the gender for which we were expected.

However, the more you are able to express to the world, the person, including the gender, you feel inside, the more you will start attracting the people who will find YOU attractive and not the mask you had to wear.

Not everyone is smart enough and sensitive enough to 'get it' when you express the true you, but you don't want them anyway. If they can't look past surface details, they aren't worthy of you. Really. Shallow people are NOT worthy of your time. There are however, wonderful people just waiting to meet the real you, who will think that the kitten, or lion you are, is the cat's meow.

Quote from: MadelineB on December 11, 2012, 02:34:35 AM
Deeper, most people aren't very good at reading people, and take surface values for reality. That's the only way that so many of us transgender people could manage to fool the world for so long presenting in the gender for which we were expected.

However, the more you are able to express to the world, the person, including the gender, you feel inside, the more you will start attracting the people who will find YOU attractive and not the mask you had to wear.

Not everyone is smart enough and sensitive enough to 'get it' when you express the true you, but you don't want them anyway. If they can't look past surface details, they aren't worthy of you. Really. Shallow people are NOT worthy of your time. There are however, wonderful people just waiting to meet the real you, who will think that the kitten, or lion you are, is the cat's meow.

That's such a sweet thing to say!

I'm definitely a bit of both, but my current partner wants to cling to the feminine implications. It's a shame, because I still want to please him and make him happy, but men aren't his thing.

Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 11, 2012, 02:58:30 AM
That's such a sweet thing to say!

I'm definitely a bit of both, but my current partner wants to cling to the feminine implications. It's a shame, because I still want to please him and make him happy, but men aren't his thing.

I can totally commiserate. I struggled for a year after I began transitioning, to preserve my marriage to a woman who can't be attracted to a woman (even if she can, if you know what I mean). It has torn my heart in two, especially the part of me that handled decades of pretending to be the gender she happens to desire and lived to please her and make her happy. Just because I'm happy being me now doesn't mean the part of me that loved her more than life itself isn't torn to shreds by stepping away from that. We can't control other people's hearts - really its near impossible to change our own, but we can listen and do our best. *hugs*

Quote from: MadelineB on December 11, 2012, 03:26:34 AM
I can totally commiserate. I struggled for a year after I began transitioning, to preserve my marriage to a woman who can't be attracted to a woman (even if she can, if you know what I mean). It has torn my heart in two, especially the part of me that handled decades of pretending to be the gender she happens to desire and lived to please her and make her happy. Just because I'm happy being me now doesn't mean the part of me that loved her more than life itself isn't torn to shreds by stepping away from that. We can't control other people's hearts - really its near impossible to change our own, but we can listen and do our best. *hugs*

Thanks for understanding, dear. *big hugs*

Quote from: MadelineB on December 11, 2012, 01:37:46 AM
You are an amazing woman Brooke, and you light up any room you are in. I suspect that now that you are yourself 24/7, you'll have many more chances to meet people with common interests and values who will recognize how special you are, and see an intelligent, capable, fascinating woman and not just a hot body.

BTW, they say that one of the main avenues for finding love is through the introductions of friends. That means I've been slacking on the job!

Thank you. You are a sweet woman. I hope you are right that now I am full time I will be able to meet someone in a different setting than a bar.

As I am a good deal younger than all my friends, the majority of their friends are older than me which makes it hard for them to introduce me to people. I just could not date anyone old enough to be my parent (that would be creepy) 

@DeeperThanSwords - I hope you don't mind me saying this but, I think you need to move on to someone who can appreciate the real you. Not someone who just wants the pretend you. Someone who truly cares for you will want you to be happy just being yourself. That is the kind of person you deserve.

Deeper than swords, (aethan), I don't know whether you should move on from that relationship or not....I don't know how your relationship is currently.  Sometimes it is easier to start in a new relationship so that they can begin the relationship with the person you see yourself as.  I hope you can make it work with your boyfriend if that is your goal, I have just found it easier to start relationships as the woman I am now rather than expecting a man that was attracted to me before the transition to continue to be attracted to me when I'm no longer the outward appearance of the sex he is attracted too.  We would all hope that our significant other is attracted to us...our inner us I mean, but at the end of the day they do have to be physically attracted to us too.  For some significant others it's just not possible for them to continue to be sexually attractive to our new outward appearance .  That's what happened to me....it doesn't happen all the time.  This said I hope the two of you can continue to make it work if that is your wish!

  This issue goes right to the heart of my depression - even deeper than my inner conflicts about being transgender.  A lot of things have combined to thwart my efforts at seeking even the simplest of relationships.  While I must admit that my social anxiety has been a major culprit in trying enough, it became quite clear to me that the main problem was other peoples' confusion over who I was and expecting me to be something I was not.  I've also been super-close platonic friends with many girls where I wished it could be otherwise but learned the hard way that they would never, ever consider a real relationship with me.  Having reached the age of 35 and having been in only one relationship you could barely even call official terms I have become crushed flat with loneliness worse than anyone with an otherwise pretty good life should ever have to be.  I even had to push someone away and ruin a friendship rather than go through the same old screwed-up misunderstandings again because I learned to read the signs.

  After all this I came to know my trans status and now suffer the frustration that realisticly I have to avoid a relationship until I fully understand where I'm headed with my transition and complete any physical changes.  It is severely saddening that I may reach 40 before I can take a serious stab at dating and relationships.  It is particularly stressing that my lack of experience, including a complete lack of sexual contact, will make this adventure wildly more difficult.  I too have near-zero interest in the bar scene.  My future success will surely depend on forming a new social circle based around my new identity and presentation.  I'm not likely to get out much unless I have a group of more extroverted friends to join-up with.  It would be nice if my identity finally made sense to everyone such that they quit crapping on me for being shy and understand that it will always be a part of me and actually a positive quality.  It might also start to make plain sense to others that I would be taking on the 'bottom' role of a girl/girl relationship and that I would have plenty to offer as such.

@Violet Bloom - I would not worry too much about how old you are (BTW, you are not old). It is better to find yourself first then start looking for love than to go blindly into a relationship where one or both of you will get hurt. I am sure that once you start looking you will find the kind of love you never thought existed. Have faith, it is out there.

Brooke & Becca, thank you for your thoughts, I appreciate them. I'm sure that things will work out for the best, whatever that may be. It's early days, so I still have a lot of figuring out to do.

Sometimes I think I've left it too late at 55,I realise that in the past I was reluctant to get close too anyone in case they discovered my secret.I was never lonely as I didn't mind being alone but yes it would be nice to have a girlfriend/boyfriend(not grown up enough for pit bull pups or any other pets!)

You can never be too late to get into a relationship.

My own first ever relationship came a lot later than a lot of people I know, and I am happy for it because when it did happen I found a really great person who is still my best friend.

Sometime the only way to get a relationship is to put yourself out there but not too much and not definitely not completely and leave yourself a little vulnerable and be yourself.
It's only when we are happy with ourselves do we stand a chance of finding someone that makes us happy.

  As mentioned elsewhere I recently came out to my mother as a questioning transperson.  Last night I had a long talk with my mom about why I've had so many problems getting straight girls to see me as relationship material and how it relates to my personality versus my visible presentation.  I also explained why I would have great difficulty meeting and successfully interacting with the right kind of girls if I couldn't visually present myself more genuinely so that my traits would make more sense in a relationship context.  In a long-winded way I think I even managed to get across that I would want a female partner to play the dominant role almost like them being the husband and me the wife whether or not I made a complete transition into a female myself.  All very weird to discuss with her but becoming more natural as I see myself as less her son and more her daughter.

  She finally truly understood my points and just how important a shift in gender presentation could be in positively affecting my ability to socialize.  Then she gave me an enormous hug.

Hi y'all,

FWIW, in my honest opinion, they one sure fire way you can meet somebody, is to just be a friend to somebody, if a person is interested in you and your with a friend, then human nature dictates that the interested party will try to catch you when your with someone else(ie.since your guard is down), or if your alone, its interesting, its in the times when your not looking for someone that someone will pop into your life(ie.again your guard is down). Don't look so much for a partner(ie. don't be so needy), sometimes that drives people away since it sends messages of insecurity. When you least expect it, somebody will find you, or you will have a chance to be a friend to someone and that is the entryway to a deeper relationship. Sorry if that may sound harsh, but for someone who did not date for a  15 years, then through a friend met another friend, then through that friend, met my present girlfriend who is accepting of my tg status. You just never know. Friendliness, even a simple smile works wonders to warm people and possibilities.

Lucia,