Okay, things seem a bit calmer now. So Dominick, you're here complaining because everything feels pointless. People are trying to offer solutions, but I think you're here for empathy, not answers. Do correct me if I'm wrong.
Right now I'm living under the same roof with someone who is terribly unstable, with the foster care system being my only other real option, and let's face it- I'm a sick trans kid with a medical file the size of a college textbook. Nobody would want to go through the trouble of taking care of me until I'm able to be on my own. She's completely unaccepting of my being this way and actually just told me that I'm not going to college because I don't do anything. Between her and the family I do actually have contact with, in addition to other things in life, my self-esteem drops like a rock pretty much all the time. I never feel like I want to do anything, because it's pointless. But yet I still bust my chops with sleep-deprivation and lugging around much more than the recommended weight on my back every day. Why?
Well, a friend once gave me some advice with an anecdote about vegetables. For the sake of not completely derailing myself (curse you, ADD!), I'll get to the point of what was said- To enjoy the good things in life, we have to get through the other stuff first. Learning disorders can really be awful when you're trying to quickly take a course (I don't have much experience with that, but I have a physical handicap and it's annoying as all hell when I need to do things like write or throw a ball, and no one knows because it's defective on the inside), but I'm fairly certain there's a way around it. Depending on what you have, try finding a method that works around your disability and allows you to absorb the information (i.e. an audio recording).
So while you're terribly frustrated right now, there is most certainly hope in sight. You should take this energy and use the job as an outlet for it- set your mind on the goal you desire, and focus on that, rather than where you are now.
By the way, to those who were offended by the reference to chesticles as tumors, I can talk (sort of- please don't form an angry mob!) from both sides of the fence here. While the female chest is most certainly not physically a pair of tumors and is in fact a healthy part of the body, mentally it gives the same sense of not belonging as if there was a mass growing, say, on your leg or some other body part. I actually have a brain tumor that I was in the dark about for a year while I just waited for the further imaging I needed done (an IV with contrast in my case). I had literally no idea if I was going to live, because I had been told from the bat that it was inoperable. Best part was that it was an incidental finding and no one bothered to tell me; I ended up asking after I read the report from an MRI for a concussion and mass panic ensued.
Anyway, the point is that I know how it feels (to both parties now) to have your problems minimized in the face of others, even though it's usually people coming after me with pitchforks because it turns out their major crisis doesn't hold a candle to my everyday issues. But yeah, it's not a contest. We all have battles, big and small. The important thing is that we all work to overcome the hills we have to climb. And remember, keep moving forward.
(Bear with me, I like Meet the Robinsons a lot. Actually, that's a great movie to watch if you want some sort of inspiration when you're in a bad place.)
