Hi,

I got in to a discussion with an mtf friend of mine and we got to discussing relationships with cismen. When I was prepuberty I did hang out with cisboys (though I think the fact that I am Aspie kept me from doing better with any kids), but after puberty that all stopped. Right now I have one cismale friend.

Also don't much like common cismale activities like sports. What I do with my cisfemale friends is go out to eat, go to movies, stuff like that. This mtf friend of mine didn't think cismen did that that much, he put it "go out to lunch with your lady friend (ugh!)" The only word that wasn't used was "luncheon". But don't think she was suggested I was not trans or anything. (BTW, my cismale friend and I usually go out to eat and watch movies. It is not the slightest romantic.)

I don't doubt that I am ftm, because I think this is all gender roles and expectations not gender, but I wonder about other guys here. Do you have cismale friends and what do you do with them? Do you think you fit into cismale society whatever that might be?

BTW, I have trans male acquaintances, we don't really get together out of group. But I notice a lot of times the transmen and transwomen segregate themselves just like cismen and ciswomen do.

I am pre-everything and do not pass. BTW, I have only been transitioning since May or so.

--Jay

I had a lot of cis male friends when I was younger. We sort of lost touch because they started bullying me, plus I just found more female friends. We (myself and the male friends) never really did much, just talked about stuff, watched TV shows and movies, went to McDonalds or whatever.

I don't really have any male friends to this day. But it's more habit than anything else. I just found it easier to gravitate towards females, especially as my field is dominated by women.

I've always gravitated towards females (and vice versa). It seems like I've never had much in common with cis males I've known. I don't really care to watch sports, tinker with cars, or hang out in a garage. I like Science, museums, theatre, Sci Fi, computers, the occasional horror film, etc. The most stereotypical male things I do every once in awhile is go fishing or when I get to the beach I like surfing (even though I am admittedly mediocre at it, lol).

I'd rather go out to lunch or go shopping with females then sit at home and watch Nascar on Sunday. I don't think my choice of friends has anything to do with gender more than it has to do with the people I know. I'm sure I could find some other like minded nerdy cis male friends to hang out with if I wanted to. I really don't know anyone who likes the things that I do. I just find females have more tolerable interests so I would rather be in their company.

Edit: I also don't equate interests with masculinity or femininity. I think it is interesting when people do that. I pass most of the time and I'm a typical thick strong looking masculine guy. Guys approach me with "You watch the game last night?" or whatever and I'm all "Nope, I was watching the History channel and playing Star Wars: The Old Republic." Then they say "oh..cool" and that's about the end of it, lol.

It really depends on what you do for a living, and what your friend pool is. I'm a student in Video Game Development, there are only a couple women in my course, much less career path, so it just makes sense that most of my friends are male. As a teenager, I had more female friends, probably because I hung out with the artist crowd, which attracts more girls.

If you want male friends, just interact with more men. *shrug*

Quote from: aleon515 on December 26, 2012, 01:43:46 PM
.This mtf friend of mine didn't think cismen did that that much, he put it "go out to lunch with your lady friend (ugh!)" The only word that wasn't used was "luncheon". But don't think she was suggested I was not trans or anything. (BTW, my cismale friend and I usually go out to eat and watch movies. It is not the slightest romantic.)

I'm not sure I understand this correctly?
to me it seams wierd why "cismen shouldn't eat together or watch movies. (WTF? why?)
Cis-men are ALOT of people. generally all men who arn't trans. I dont find it to be wierd for too guys to eat together or watch movie together, I done that alot of times before with guys for just a hanging out thing.
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Anyway, I got pretty much mix of male and female friends and I always had, I dont jugde my friends on genders, sex or sexualety, I jugde them on whatever I like them or not.
I arnt typical hetronormativ, (I wont say I dont fit cis-male sociaty because cis-men are so many diffrent kinds in first place)
I like to play soccer, but not to watch,
I can only play video games due to illness,
I love cars and moterbikes as look but dont know a ->-bleeped-<- about them.

on the other hand I also like more girly stuff so im very much mixed in steryotypes but in general people decribe me femenine because "if your read as male they will notice your being femenine and if your read as female they will read your masculine sides".

well, I do have trouble with the hetronormative friends, its not cause I cant fit in, I feel it normal to go with guys also pre everything, however, I find it hard when your first got to accept all the gay, trans, and non gender steryotypes thing to fit in certain of those groups cause many guys still feel they need to fit in and prove there manhood. they can easly get to make bad comment of transgender or gays or your personal style for not fitting in this bugs me like for any other kind of person who would speak bad about those things.
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for what I do generally I drinks beer, talking, general hanging out, eat, watch movies,play soccer, fight for fun, stuff like that, but again it depends who im with.

A lot depends on one's socioeconomic background...I come from a blue-collar history, and going to any movie with only a guy friend would be seen as "gay" (unless the movie was a war/action movie).

I made very few friends, and of those, we mostly did hiking, camping, and shooting. I could have went bowling, but "luncheon" would cause several good laughs and some teasing.

I have about an even mix of male and female friends.
With either male or females we usually just watch movies, play video games, loiter around the mall, etc. I think i play more video games with my guy friends but that's the only difference

In regards to my cis girl friends, mostly they're the kind of girls who just dont really care about their gender if that makes sense? I wouldn't like say theyre masculine necessarily, just kinda neutral. Not sure if that makes a difference.

i have cis male friends we get drunk and chase girls mostly, but we watch movies eat food. none of us are really into sports we met via school we build sets for the plays. we also have friends who are girls and we all hang out together. im also friends with girls and the difference is we talk more then me and my guy friends. thats about it. also our ages vary from 16-20.

I don't really have any cismale friends outside of the internet.  In school, most of my friends were female.  Nowadays, I don't have any friends.  If I did have any cismale friends, then I'd probably play video games and watch the fights on tv with them (if they wanted to of course).

Do I think I fit into the cismale society?  At this time, no since I'm still living as a female.  In the future, maybe.

I've always had mostly cis male friends.  For most of my high school years I hung out with computer geeks, which are usually male.  The majority of my friends now are gay guys.  I find it much easier to be around females now than I used to.  Probably because I don't feel pressured to be like them anymore.

This is off topic, but when I see one-word constructions like cismen and cisman and cismales, I think of superheroes.

I have some cismale friends now, and going to the bar or out to coffee or burrittos is the thing around here.

I've never heard of just guys going to the movies, it's usually with a group of men and women.

I'm probably not the best one to answer this since I am heading for transition, but the few guy friends that I have usually just like to go out for lunch or dinner, see geek movies (like The Hobbit), or shoot pool. They all like at least one of the typical activities associated with men that I don't tend to like, but we don't do them together (because I don't like them). Oddly enough it's my girl friends that like going to strip clubs (with women dancing). The guys I know can't get into it and I have to say I'm with the guys on that one!

Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 26, 2012, 03:54:07 PM
A lot depends on one's socioeconomic background...I come from a blue-collar history, and going to any movie with only a guy friend would be seen as "gay" (unless the movie was a war/action movie).

I made very few friends, and of those, we mostly did hiking, camping, and shooting. I could have went bowling, but "luncheon" would cause several good laughs and some teasing.

Well "luncheon" was what the term "lady friends" (which I don't think of my friends as my "lady friends") made me think of. I don't go to luncheons, I go out to eat (at a restaurant). I've never said (and no one said to me), "let's go out for a luncheon".
A luncheon is where you go to someone's house and eat little cucumber sandwiches with the crust taken off them. I don't go to luncheons.

BTW, I don't believe at all that all this defines gender. I think it's an interesting topic.

--Jay

Quote from: LearnedHand on December 26, 2012, 08:01:23 PM
I've never heard of just guys going to the movies, it's usually with a group of men and women.

Hahaha, I can think of a bunch of times me and my cis-male friends went to the movies, or go to lunch, or whatever. BUt its usually during/after class....

I've never really had cismale friends. In childhood it was probably because of the differences with hobbies. I liked to stay indoors doing my own things while other boys wanted to run around and play soccer or something like that.

Well, I still don't have many cismale friends. A few though but all the things we usually do is talk about games and gaming. My good friends have always been cisfemale and we usually share hobbies (drawing, music, etc).
The guy I mostly hang out with just usually expects me to know every new turn in the gaming and internet world and starts talking about it with that assumption, leaving me all confused like "what the hell are you talking about". But he's a great guy anyway.

But I'm usually the only guy when I go out to the downtown with my two ex-classmates (both cis-girls) but it doesn't really bother me. The only thing that annoys me is that they go scavenge the make-up sections and I'm suffocating because of the perfume smell.

I have a pretty mixed group of friends, but I'm much closer to my cismale buddies (with a few exceptions), mainly because we share the same interests- good music, video games, watching guys give each other concussions (read: football) and the like. I've always had issues relating to girls, and used to be tortured in my early years for it. Now people know not to ask me about "girly subjects".

On a side note, I'm always pretty reckless, but my bros seem to bring that side out way more, probably since most of them are too.

I have cis male friends; we play games, watch movies, always hang out in groups as opposed to one on one. Unfortunately none of them respects my gender, they just see me as a "chick" even though I'm not really into most girly things.

I used to have cismale friends before I came out. Now I don't know much about them, I moved from home one year ago and made only female friends. There are guys I'm friends with but not that close. I think I was always jealous of cisguys, that's because I couldn't make a close friendship with them.

I wouldn't describe anything I do is girly even with girls (ok at this point, women).
Funny thing though, I think the socioeconomic thing is very on target, I probably do a lot of stuff my dad would have done. My dad did not hunt or fish either. He was kind college professor egg headish. I'd say I am a nerd. If I had been in the right place at the right time I might have been writing software.

--Jay