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University

Started by Joe., December 26, 2012, 05:15:58 PM

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Joe.

I'm planning to go to university in September 2013. I have 2 offers so far and I know I'm going to go. I'm just wondering, should I defer a year so that I have a year to transition and introduce myself as Joey in September 2014? Or should I go September 2013 where I have only started transitioning for a couple of months? Also, does anyone know how it would work if I haven't legally changed my name, gender or started T? I just don't want to go in 2013 as a girl and then delay transitioning and coming out for another 3 years at least? I think that uni is a great chance for me to start again, but I'm not sure. Has anybody ever transitioned shortly before university?
Joey
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spacial

I suggest you go as soon as you can.

Most universities are well known for excouraging students to express themselves.

But if you do go next year, why can't you transision there and then?
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Joe.

I'm worried about people judging me when I get there, but then again I think it's the perfect opportunity to start living as a man.
Joey
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Devlyn

Joey, you just shared with us how well it went telling your parents, people you love and care about. How many people at University will you even know? You shouldn't worry about what they think. Hugs, Devlyn
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spacial

You'll probably find there are clubs there for transgender.
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Rena-san

I would go if you know for sure what you want out of it and where you hope to be in four or so years when it is over. Do not go into uni just for the sake of doing it--your wallet will thank you! Trust me.

Now, things will be difficult for you without having your name or gender marker changed.

When you apply, you will need to use whatever your legal name is at the time, otherwise, at the end of the year when they send out the form for taxes for tuition--I forget what its called, 1090 maybe?--there will be a problem. Also, you will likely have to provide your SS# when applying for uni and that is of course paired with your name.
This can be difficult, as the email account set up for you will have your legal name and the school, mine at least is this way, will not let you change the name that appears on that email--and my school is super liberal and is supposed to support the lbgtq movement, so it kinda irritates me that they can't change my name in their system. You'll register for classes and then one by one have to notify every professor that "even though the name on my email and the name for uni says ____, I'd prefer to be called by _______." And then if you get stuck in a class that uses Blackboard, or online/email your peers method, you'll have to tell everyone else. I think "being stealth" is not a very realistic goal. People will know. I'm very pesstimestic though.   

My recommendation here is do whatever you need to to get your name changed. Make this your number 1 priority. I know it sucks. It takes forever. Its expensive. Its a commitment. But if this is what you want then this part of the price that must be paid. If you file now, I know you can have it changed by Fall of 2013.

And then for the gender marker, you may be able to put "I prefer not to say." If not, you can try to leave it blank but you may be forced to put your legal gender--again because gender is also tied to your SS#. I don't even know how to change this yet. The laws are so confusing and vary by state. If you ever end up a student worker, you will have to put your legal gender for tax purposes. Also for scholarships and for FASFA, you will have to use both legal name and gender. If you do have a male gender, but haven't--and pry never will-- be able to register for selective service--this raises a whole new problem. You'll have to find someone other than me to help you here. 

I just stumbled upon an awesome quote tonight--"Don't let you struggle form your identity"--or something like that. Don't let this stop you from achieving your life goals--which ultimately should not be "I want to be a man," or "I want to be a woman." A life goal should be much bigger than gender. 

In short, I'd just get your name changed and then apply for schools. If you have already applied, change your name as soon as possible. As for the gender marker--you may just have to accept that the goverment hates gender bending people. That's what I've done. My state requires full surgery I will pry never be able to afford.
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EmmaMcAllister

There's probably no better place in the world to transition than a university. Sure, there will be the odd transphobic jerk, but the institution can't discriminate against you and you'll find tons of support. One of the main reasons I went back to school was to have a safe place to transition.

And as for going to uni just for the sake of it, knowledge is never a waste of money.
Started HRT in October, 2014. Orchiectomy in August, 2015. Full-time in July, 2016!

If you need an understanding ear, feel free to PM me.
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justmeinoz

I returned to study this year at the age of 58 and have been FT for 18 months.  I found that it really was a great place to transitio and that acceptance was virtually universal.  I outed myself to my gender Studies class in  the first tutorial both Semesters and it really helped me relax and enjoy Uni.  I say go for it.  Gender Studies is a good subject, and if there is a Queer Society or similar on campus that can be a big help too.

Have fun.

Karen.
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Joe.

I'm in the UK so I'm not sure if it works differently over here. Thanks for all your answers though, it reassures me that people are very different at uni to school. In my school at the moment it's very multicultural with strong religions and opinions and I think I'd be killed if I came out as trans there. If it still says my birth name on my email I won't be too bothered, if I start my transition at the beginning of uni then I think people will know I'm trans anyway. Hmm. Decisions decisions.
Joey
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spacial

I'm pretty sure in most universities here in the UK you will find enormous support.

But if you check out those which you are looking at, on line, every one gives a pretty good run down of the sort of social life to expect.

I mean this so much, go. Go soon. And go as yourself. Don't make a fuss, if you ask permission from people to exist, may will say no. You don't ash, you just go ahead and do it.

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Joe.

Quote from: spacial on December 27, 2012, 04:48:02 PM
I mean this so much, go. Go soon. And go as yourself. Don't make a fuss, if you ask permission from people to exist, may will say no. You don't ash, you just go ahead and do it.

I think this is one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me. Thank you.
Joey
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Seras

#11
Unlucky getting burned by the high tuition fees now :P

When I went to uni it was still only £3k a year. I would not go at this price! I did not transition or anything at Uni, though I did come to terms with myself a lot. There is a big mix of people at university, or at least there was where I went (Reading). Do not assume everyone is some crazy super accepting liberal types but there's plenty of cool people as well as jerks. You should go though, you should not put stuff off. I wish I hadn't. I would have loved to have been myself at university, but I was too afraid, now I just have regret though a least I got my degree :)
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Joe.

#12
Yeah my course is about £9k a year :/ Going to get a student loan though so not as bad. I know there's going to be many jerks there but they can't be much worse than the people at my school. I have plenty of regrets so I'm sure one more won't hurt.
Joey
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spacial

I hope this isn't inappropriate, but I do strongly suggest you keep up the birth control. Even if you never intend to have any sex, universities have a way of getting you there before you can think. Just saying. You don't need any bundles of joy right now.

Best of luck with the course.
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Joe.

I haven't ever had sex but I've been warned plenty about the precautions etc. There won't be any babies coming along anytime soon, not by me anyway.
Thanks.
Joey
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