So my trans partner and I both sort of decided to start transitioning together, which I've mostly been thankful for. Its nice to have someone to go through this with. We are both pre-everything at the moment, but we also both made appointments to see a gender therapist at the same clinic, however I made my appointment about 2 weeks before they did. I was told there would be 6 to 8 month wait list, which is something I was prepared for, no big deal. My partner calls the clinic 2 weeks later, and lo and behold, the next week roles around, and they have an appointment. : / Now I know I should be happy for them, but I can't help but feel this horrible helpless jealousy kick up in my guts. I just don't understand how a therapy clinic can arbitrarily advance people in their queue. I want to talk it over with them, but every time I think about it I get so upset and my thoughts get so chaotic, and it makes no sense. I just keep thinking in my head 'what makes me less important?' I would understand if people who were in crisis were put before me in the list, but someone who is in a stable condition? Maybe its because of seeing my family at Christmas, but I've been just so caught up wishing I could actually talk to someone about making some progress. I hate how upset this makes me, I just feel so selfish, but I can't turn it off.

Guh, sorry for the glum ranting I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Im going in to clinic tomorrow/today to try and ask them what the deal is, so hopefully I can work this out instead of just moaning about it, haha.

I'd be happy for my partner. Someone has got to go first either way so shouldn't you be thrilled for their happiness if you love them?

Yeah, I know. : P We actually had a talk today and I've calmed down a lot about it, I'm feeling less ridiculous. I'm definitely happy for my partner, and after talking to the intake people, I'll hopefully get my placement worked out, for some reason they placed me on the wrong priority bracket? But I can't actually talk to the ONE person who controls the intake until they're back from vacation. Haha, oh well. It's nice to actually know whats going on.

Hopefully they'll be able to get you in sooner. I got in to see my Endo in a week by telling the girls at the front desk if anybody cancelled to pencil me in and give me a call. Maybe they'd be willing to do that for you.

I was supposed to wait for my first appointment with a counselor (luckily it was only a week after I first made the appointment instead of 6-8 months), but I was just really nice to the lady at the desk and told her that I have to take a train all the way up here, so when someone cancelled their appointment about an hour after I left the place she gave me a call and let me in the next day which was really convenient for me since I didn't have to make the special trip on the trian just for that appointment. I think they move people around based on who they remember first and if they think someone has pressing circumstances. I work in an office, and you do tend to forget about people since you have to deal with so many, so if things need to be changed, sometimes you just can't help but go with the person who first calls you after something changes. They probably have tons of people in their queue, and it would be a waste of time and resources to call everyone in order to see if anyone would like to fill that particular spot.

You should be happy for your partner, but I would be frustrated too if he gets to have an appointment so quickly while you have to wait 6-8 months. It would make it hard to transition together that way. Is there a way that you could try to get a group session together? At least that could help you get your foot in the door sooner if they would allow that.

6-8 week wait, that's weird. I got an endo appt in march which sounded bad enough. My counselor gave me another name... So. You might call if you are able to be flexible.

--Jay