These are just a bunch of what if scenarios. You don't know if any of them are true, but to continue your line of thinking:
What if you knew that tomorrow would be your last day of life? Would you tell anyone then? Would you go out with a bang or a whimper?
What if you did nothing and eventually were so consumed by this, that he only was out was self destruction. How would your family react then? Would they rather see you alive or dead? Our little communty has more than a fair share of suicides.
Anyone can give themselves whatever reason they want for either action or inaction. I've heard the process called "the last act of a desperate man (or woman)" and having gone through it I can tell you how I felt. It was either this or to be honest I didn't want to go on living anymore. I can still remember that fateful day when I knew what I had to do. It almost seemed as if my life had to come a complete stop. In fact the whole world seemed to have stopped and I was the only living thing left. Nothing else mattered, money, family, career, expectations, nothing. If I couldn't do this one thing, then none of that even mattered. To do this I needed to set the record straight about one glaring fact of my life that only I knew but nobody else did.
By the time I finally made it to the shrinks office I was already transitioning. I had made my mind up at that point that I would self medicate because I feared that doctors wouldn't believe me or treat me. That's something I don't recommend by the way. I was already growing out my hair, doing electrolysis and even had started learning about different surgeries. At that point I was living a part time life. I had to wear a wig, but heck it was better than inaction.
What I found when I finally showed up was that I was no different than anyone else. Everyone starts the same way. A typical man or woman shows up and proclaims this one secret about themselves that they never told anyone.
One thing I can say is that this is not for everyone. It does take a lot of soul searching and determination in the face of family, friends and a society that are going to be lined up against the decision. You may have to face the fact that you are going to have to write people out of the book of your life. That's the way it goes unfortunately. It hurts more when it's family, but for one families loss there is always another family who would love you unconditionally you just need to find them.
When I was first living full time, I told a woman at work, not knowing she was a born again christian. Guess what? We became shoe shopping buddies. We both loved hunting for bargains on clothes, shoes, anything feminine! She helped me a lot with styles because back then my sense of style was, how can I say it nice other than to say lacking. Whodathunk in a million years that would happen? In fact I still have contact with her and her husband after all these years just because we all got along really well.
Other than a brother who supported my decision, in fact his words to me were "what took you so long? I knew that you would do this some day". I have no contact with my family at all. At this point we would be like strangers now. There really would be no point to try and understand each other. What the coming out process taught me is to never prejudge peoples reactions. The people who I thought would be the most hateful turned out to be the most supportive. The ones I thought I could count on, didn't want anything to do with me. It's a mixed bag the coming out process. The reactions from people cross all kinds of boundaries, religious, political, socio-economic. It's impossible to tell. So don't be so hasty.
