I guess I'm starting to have second thoughts of transitioning because I'm primarily scared and nervous as hell.My friends are telling me that I'm rushing it because Ive shown no signs of being trans before, that I have mental problems which I'm working on getting better, they bought to light that I've been becoming very off since I had my hospital visit and I'm told I'm rushing it because of that. I'm becoming unsure of myself in so many aspects and just figuring out what I can do. So far my plan is just to see how the first few months of being on hormones fair with me before I do anything else. Are these feelings completely natural at all? I don't know what to do...

You'll have second thoughts, hon. And third thoughts. Probably the "What the hell am I doing?" thoughts as well. It seems to be par for the course. Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: JuliaVB on December 29, 2012, 09:04:06 AM
My friends are telling me that I'm rushing it because Ive shown no signs of being trans before...

Your friends don't need to live your life or be in your body. Only you know whether you're going too fast.

I feel that I am ready to start and that it will be good to me because I can't live like this anymore yet the unknown is whats killing me. I don't exactly know what it's going to be like and I'm scared of it. Im being told I should wait when I have for the past couple years coming to terms with my own gender and my close friends don't fully understand. I value their opinions but sometimes it hurts especially when they do not know what they are talking about such as saying I have to wait a year to start hormones or saying I shouldn't trust my therapist because they feel I'm rushed. I know I have a ways off but i feel that the hormones will help with my own healing process despite how scared i am and how many 2nd thoughts I'm getting.

Two years coming to terms with things before you even went to the doctor does not sound very rushed. Quicker than I was though 

Quote from: JuliaVB on December 29, 2012, 09:04:06 AM
I guess I'm starting to have second thoughts of transitioning because I'm primarily scared and nervous as hell.My friends are telling me that I'm rushing it because Ive shown no signs of being trans before, that I have mental problems which I'm working on getting better, they bought to light that I've been becoming very off since I had my hospital visit and I'm told I'm rushing it because of that. I'm becoming unsure of myself in so many aspects and just figuring out what I can do. So far my plan is just to see how the first few months of being on hormones fair with me before I do anything else. Are these feelings completely natural at all? I don't know what to do...

HRT had zero effect on how I felt about my gender issues. Actually many people put too much faith in HRT. I can say being on an AA for a month will rule out if it's just a sexually based thing. If when the sex drive plummets the desire to transition is still there, it's not just a sexual fetish.

And if you have some other issues, they could be right. Then again friends that aren't comfortable with trans people or never known one -will- try to talk you out of it.

Being skeptical about this is very natural. This is a huge chance in your life you are considering. For now just take things slow.

It sounds like you are doing the smart thing; aka what I did. Hormones first, because they will change how you feel about lots of things, and if transitioning is not meant for you, you'll know it a few months in, before any irrevocable stuff happens. Another thing, ALL of us on this board and any transgendered person i've ever met (including me) regret not starting sooner. Simple as that. Get on the HRT, stop masculinization in its tracks, and decide what you need to do after a few months. Good luck!

Quote from: Stephe on December 29, 2012, 11:37:58 AM
HRT had zero effect on how I felt about my gender issues. Actually many people put too much faith in HRT. I can say being on an AA for a month will rule out if it's just a sexually based thing. If when the sex drive plummets the desire to transition is still there, it's not just a sexual fetish.

And if you have some other issues, they could be right. Then again friends that aren't comfortable with trans people or never known one -will- try to talk you out of it.

Being skeptical about this is very natural. This is a huge chance in your life you are considering. For now just take things slow.

The reason I'd bet you had no change in your feelings on HRT is because you were on the path you really wanted for the right reasons. There are tons of people who fetishize transitioning, etc, because testosterone makes them react like a male; once on hrt, those feelings vanish and they realize transition is not what they were after after all.

Quote from: JuliaVB on December 29, 2012, 09:04:06 AM
I guess I'm starting to have second thoughts of transitioning because I'm primarily scared and nervous as hell.My friends are telling me that I'm rushing it because Ive shown no signs of being trans before, that I have mental problems which I'm working on getting better, they bought to light that I've been becoming very off since I had my hospital visit and I'm told I'm rushing it because of that. I'm becoming unsure of myself in so many aspects and just figuring out what I can do. So far my plan is just to see how the first few months of being on hormones fair with me before I do anything else. Are these feelings completely natural at all? I don't know what to do...

Very normal. Did you tell your friends the second you started feeling like you needed to change? Probably not. The time you've been thinking about this that they're seeing is from the time you told them. They don't see the years of struggle before that. I just had doubts like this last night and spent several hours thinking about it, journeling about it, even posting on this site about it before I realized they were unfounded.

I know they could be right but I feel that it will help with my healing and now that they bought attention to myself becoming increasingly inward I can now take the chance to fix that up. For me being able to start will be a start of getting back to being myself, back to normalcy. After spending some time thinking I feel its time for me to now break out of my shell and get my life on track, going to be going back to my crappy job next week or the week after and ready to get back on course with schooling in a month or so. I'm ready to come back and turn a new leaf today and I hope everyone can see it

I've been full time for two years, and 'transitioning' for around 10 years in one way or another. I've lost very few friends, and none of my immediate family. I have a full time job, a stable life, and all my needs are met. I have no regrets at all about transition, and to this day I'm happy I did it and feel that it's resolved my dysphoria.

However, I still have 'second thoughts'.

I'm just the kind of person that likes to plan things out really well, and avoid unnecessary risk. I worry about things (not just transition). And to be honest even though transition has gone really well there are still things that worry me about it every once and a while. At night when I'm half awake the worries come like "am I harming my body by taking these hormones?", "when my ex-wife finally moves out will I become overly depressed and lonely", "when I have surgery in three months will I have the strength to make it through the hard times?" These and more worries.

Transition for me has really been about being honest with myself - admitting to myself what my true fears are and what really makes me happy. It's a difficult thing, and I look at some people who just seem to go through this as though it's a dream come true or whatever and as though they never had any doubts and I definitely don't completely relate. I worried a lot about the impact on relationships, and my health, and all that - and yet I also honestly knew that I've always wanted this; always known I wasn't and never wanted to be a guy. I still don't want to be a guy. I never want to go back - but that doesn't mean I don't worry. I do sometimes even though I know all this stuff and I've already come so far!

As others have said, you know what you need and want deep down - and who you are and how you feel inside. This is what should be the thing that guides you to move forward or not.

I personally look at my doubt as a sign of honesty within myself. "Checking in" with myself to make sure I'm being honest with myself and not doing things for the wrong reason. For others this might work, but I've come to see my 'second thoughts' and my doubts as a way of staying grounded throughout this very difficult (and yet rewarding) process.

I have found strength in vulnerability. Maybe you will too? You're not alone.