ok well me and her have been best friends for 12 years and we have been thru alot together and so far she has accepted how i am and its been 1 year and 4 months since i came out to people and started dressing and going out in girl mode, But the other day we got into a arguement about how she never goes anywhere and how i want to party and i want to be around people that party and i was like i want to have fun for once and i asked her if she wanted to start going to parties and she said no because she didnt like those type of people. We also got into arguement about the bible about homosexuality and  ->-bleeped-<-,and she told me that its a sin and i was like just cause god thought it was a sin back then dosnt mean he would think it is a sin now cause everyone back then thought it was a sin and today its more accepted and then she told me that its a sin and  she didnt have time for this and i was like fine watever. Well anyway today she messaged me and said  "I don't think it will be best for us to be friends anymore. there's certain things that I don't like and that we don't agree on. I don't hate you or anything I just think that would be best. It will be best for you to hang out and talk to people who like that. Don't hate me but I just need to not talk to people anymore." and   just so yall know she has family problems and shes still inlove wit her ex bf that keeps saying he loves her still but he always keeps going out with different girls.  i use to stay up wit her all nite for 2 years straight listening to her cry about how bad he treats her  but anyway I told her that i agree because me and her dont have anything in common anymore and that i dont hate her but its wats best. Its hitting me now that i literrally lost my best friend. 12 years down the drain. Like im literally crieing and i barely cry cause i dont like showing weakness but this is really hitting home and idk what to do

Honestly, I say just cry it out and move on.

I know that it's hard to lose a long-term friend but at the end of the day, she has her opinions and you have yours.  The fact that she replied to your feelings about homosexuality and ->-bleeped-<- with "I don't have time for this" is a red flag.  You want to surround yourself with positive people because negative people will attact negative energy to you. You don't need people to bring you down.   There are over 6 billion people in the world and I'm sure you will come in contact with more people who can accept and embrace you for who you are.

*hugs*

Sorry to hear that.. I have a friend I've known from high school, we've always been good friends. But he's a conservative Christian and will never accept me, unfortunately their creed will always stand in the way, people can work around it but it's never TRUE acceptance, so we'll see but I'm expecting worst case scenario.

You never know tho, she might come around after a while, but in the meantime find a new bff that will accept you 

ooxx

You lost a friend because of her prejudices not because of how you are.May be she will come round,may be she wont.You make new friends soon. Good luck and best wishes

I hate it when Bronze Age myths echo into the XXI Century like that.

Like a friend of mine told me when I came out to him: "if you come out to someone and that person stays, that person was and will always be there. If someone dissapears from your life after coming out, don't fool yourself: you never had that person before".

.

Angelique,
Sorry you lost your friend, there's no excuse for her attitude and mean spirited words but you can't change the way she feels.  I will say that friends grow apart as we get older, the people you're friends with in high school will develop other interests as will you....this is normal.  Also just because you want to do the 'party scene' doesn't mean it's the scene for her....there are other things to do for fun than party.  I think you should cut your losses since obviously it seems she is completely unaccepting of who you are as a person.  My best friend and I have been friends since we were babies and thirty years later we still are, but this is extremely rare I think.  It's time to find friends that are interested in the things you are and will love you for who you are as a person.  You need support not hate!

Quote from: muuu on January 01, 2013, 08:12:54 AM
I doubt it was because of prejudice, those bible texts may have come to her attention and she thought it'd give her more reason to end their friendship... Simply they've grown apart, and this friends issues may be starting to get in the way for their friendship (and probably others too). Everyone has their own problems, so don't talk crap about her -.-
Hating everyone and saying they're no good that leaves you isn't going to make anything better, it's just going to make you a bitter person.

It's not really 12 years down the drain... You still had a good time while it lasted. Though, it's probably still very hard to lose a long time friend like that. I guess you should just cry it out and avoid hard feelings towards her, keep good memories instead of bad ones...

I agree with this.

Your best friend sounds like she's just mad that because you are finding yourself, you are leaving her behind you. She is probably think it's time for both of yall to move on because she doesn't feel important to you.

If you want to reconcile your friendship with her then apologize to her. She'll likely do the same once you get the ball rolling. Its actually easier to forgive then to accept someone elses apology.

But so you know, this logic doesn't make sense:
i was like just cause god thought it was a sin back then doesn't mean he would think it is a sin now cause everyone back then thought it was a sin and today its more accepted and then she told me that its a sin and  she didn't have time for this and i was like fine whatever.

You should avoid such logical fallacies, and arguments in general. Just because people today are more accepting of LBGTQ issues doesn't mean that God is more accepting of them. We can't really say what God thinks of us specifically other than the fact that He loves us all and wants us to be happy. Anything beyond this requires faith and with faith is always doubt. So your friend is kinda right but wrong in the fact that she is speaking as God, and passing judgment on what is and is not a sin.

If she will still talk to you at all, then text her and ask to speak to her in person. Approach her from her perspective. Don't start arguing. Say something like this:

I totally respect your religious beliefs, and I deeply value our friendship and you, including your religious beliefs. I know that I am currently doing something that you would consider sinful, and I am sorry if it offends you. But I could use your support and love to see me through this. I trust that God will ultimately be my judge. (At this point you could mention that Jesus dinned with sinners and tax collectors, but you may want to leave this out, I would). I am sorry that we got into this argument. I won't pressure you into partying with me anymore.

Wait to see what she says I guess. Make sure you never ever raise your voice when communicating with her. If you sense conflict or argument coming stop. You need to keep it civil and full of love, sorrow, and forgiveness. 

Unlike others on here, I think you should try to reconcile with your friend. If everytime some one got mad at you you just said fine and moved on you would never have friends or relationships. Relationships take work.

Quote from: Hippolover25 on January 01, 2013, 02:17:59 PM
If you want to reconcile your friendship with her then apologize to her. She'll likely do the same once you get the ball rolling. Its actually easier to forgive then to accept someone elses apology.

But so you know, this logic doesn't make sense:
i was like just cause god thought it was a sin back then doesn't mean he would think it is a sin now cause everyone back then thought it was a sin and today its more accepted and then she told me that its a sin and  she didn't have time for this and i was like fine whatever.

You should avoid such logical fallacies, and arguments in general. Just because people today are more accepting of LBGTQ issues doesn't mean that God is more accepting of them. We can't really say what God thinks of us specifically other than the fact that He loves us all and wants us to be happy. Anything beyond this requires faith and with faith is always doubt. So your friend is kinda right but wrong in the fact that she is speaking as God, and passing judgment on what is and is not a sin.

If she will still talk to you at all, then text her and ask to speak to her in person. Approach her from her perspective. Don't start arguing. Say something like this:

I totally respect your religious beliefs, and I deeply value our friendship and you, including your religious beliefs. I know that I am currently doing something that you would consider sinful, and I am sorry if it offends you. But I could use your support and love to see me through this. I trust that God will ultimately be my judge. (At this point you could mention that Jesus dinned with sinners and tax collectors, but you may want to leave this out, I would). I am sorry that we got into this argument. I won't pressure you into partying with me anymore.

Wait to see what she says I guess. Make sure you never ever raise your voice when communicating with her. If you sense conflict or argument coming stop. You need to keep it civil and full of love, sorrow, and forgiveness. 

Unlike others on here, I think you should try to reconcile with your friend. If everytime some one got mad at you you just said fine and moved on you would never have friends or relationships. Relationships take work.

i apologized to her last nite on Facebook, she didn't reply back n it showed she read it.  she removed me  from her friends list sometime last nite, so I blocked her wen i noticed that she removed me n just said screw her if that's how she feel then idgaf. This is wat I said wen I apologized "I don't want to sound weak or anything bout how our friendship is going but it's going to be hard to stop being friends wit u. Maybe we should just take a break for being friends n just not talk n wait awhile n see how we feel bout the situation later cause its been 12 years n it's gonna be hard to not consider u my friend."

I hate facebook. I feel like I have been in your situation many times--never about trans issues though. Let her go for a while. Then, maybe a few months from now, maybe June, call her.

I just wonder, how did she treat you after you told her you were a woman and were going to take steps to change gender roles? Did she seem accepting? If she seemed to really accept and love you, then perhaps you did something else to make her angry. Perhaps something happened to her that you had no control over and she took it out on you.

Regardless, time is truly the only thing that will heal these wounds.

Quote from: Hippolover25 on January 01, 2013, 02:42:01 PM
I hate facebook. I feel like I have been in your situation many times--never about trans issues though. Let her go for a while. Then, maybe a few months from now, maybe June, call her.

I just wonder, how did she treat you after you told her you were a woman and were going to take steps to change gender roles? Did she seem accepting? If she seemed to really accept and love you, then perhaps you did something else to make her angry. Perhaps something happened to her that you had no control over and she took it out on you.

Regardless, time is truly the only thing that will heal these wounds.

wen I came out to her she accepted me n told me that she didnt care cause we hav been friends for so long but she would hav to get use to it and this was a year n 4 months ago. So idk wat happened

I'd say just give it time now then. I know it sucks. I have been here before and this part sucks. Plus it doesn't always work.

Story of encouragement I guess: my friend since high school grew apart from me. We decided one day, nicely of course, to terminate the friendship. This was long before my gender change. Two years passed and one night I was dying inside because of family issues and rejection of me. I sent her a message just to see what would happen. She replied. I told her everything that had happened to me and asked for her emotional support While the friendship isn't where it was before, we are still friends. And I am thankful for her.

Perhaps, something similar will happen to you!

Would you be concerned with losing their friendship if they didn't want anything to do with you because you had been diagnosed with cancer?   Sounds harsh but I can't really see much difference when friends leave because you are trans.

Karen.

I am sorry, I also lost a couple of people by transition.
I haven't lost anyone for 12 year, but I had a rather simular situation of a friend I lost last year.
She been suporting my transition but one day we where to talk political her friend made all kind of crap of GLBT folks that they shouldnt have any rights and so. and she started to agree and said that young transfolks shouldn't be helped, and that it where like sexualety just fethish who was made out of growing up experience cause suck place as iran they had no problems with homosexualety bla bla (crap)
I left her as a friend, I just never could think that she would turn out with such opinions it never came to my mind as I always been extremly open for her and discussing all sort of things. I been thinking if I where too harsh or not? but I really need suport and its very hard when your hear crap about yourself and alot of your friends.
-
To me it seams as you have done everything you could,
her agument to me seams ridiculous, I dont understand religious aguments, you cant really use them in my country like this so I never getting used to hearing about them,
I am tecnically christian but I where bapetized by a gay priest and I know gay muslims. I dont see why religions nessesarry need to hate on GLBT folks?

Where do they even mention transgender in the bible all ecactly? I am unsure if its even mentioned at all,
acient isreal had a story of ->-bleeped-<- of 6 genders I am unsure where it where ecactly but im looking into it and who knows if it where around same period how would that turn the page?

Im not to talk bad about religion but I just think its a ridiculous excuse to hate, most people cant/do not live  like in the bible and follow the expectations, if you do try you probably end up in jail. they simple put up on what they hate and use religion as an exuse.

like the thing. "marrige is between a man and a woman" but nobody ever mention marrige also is between a rapist and his victim. (acording to the bible)
If a woman has her period she must be isolated in a week (how many follows that?)
--
I just saying that its not working as a proper agument for her.

You seamed to play fair but you also know you cant force her,
Friendship is to go both ways, I know theres other people out there who will suport you, and your still young so your can also find friends you can keep for 12 years or more.

its really hard when you lose friends like this, but as we say. "its there fault for losing such a good friend as me"
you must focus on other people who loves you insteed.
-
love

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 01, 2013, 01:24:23 PM
I agree with this.

Your best friend sounds like she's just mad that because you are finding yourself, you are leaving her behind you. She is probably think it's time for both of yall to move on because she doesn't feel important to you.

That's part of what I was thinking. I was just revising what I'm going to say to my friend when I come out to her and realized that because I've been projecting someone I'm not to her, she really doesn't know me as well as she thinks. We may not be as compatible in her eyes as I feel like we are once the changes come. The things that you liked to do all those years with her aren't really the things you wish you had been doing and since she doesn't like those things, she feels like you're growing apart.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on January 01, 2013, 02:49:13 PM
wen I came out to her she accepted me n told me that she didnt care cause we hav been friends for so long but she would hav to get use to it and this was a year n 4 months ago. So idk wat happened

The other part of what I was thinking was that you mentioned her being in an abusive relationship. My mother is a master of entering into these and every single one of them worked to isolate her from her friends and family. Anybody that would counter his authority was stripped from her life. The reason I made this connection is that being okay with you for almost a year and a half since you came out, it seems rather strange that all these bible verses just started coming out. Why didn't she use them the day you came out to her? It just seemed like someone was feeding them to her.

.

It really s***s when we lose a friend just because we are trying to be ourselves.

All we can do is cry and let the feelings flow and trust that if they are your real friends in time they will come around and the two of you would be able to reconcile.

Until then move on and find good friends amongst things that you find interesting.