So here's my question.... Does anyone else feel like parts of there personality are stuck in the "wrong gender" ? Like for instance, I have always had what's usually considered a boyish personality and all my male friends consider me to be "one of the guys" , but I still feel like there are parts of my personality is too girly and dont fit the traditional male roles... For instance, I listen to a lot of music that most guys hate( Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber etc) , I also get all excited and distracted by cute animals like kittens... I feel like I'm just not masculine enough... Is this normal?

I still like working on cars, I am an auto mechanic.  I like playing first person shooters, although so do a lot of other girls.  I do watch what would be called guy flix: explosions, gunfire, combat.

But I also like many girl things:sewing, chick flix, awing over baby animals, girl bands and female singers.

It isn't some being stuck in the wrong gender kind of thing, it is more what makes me, me.

Yeah, I have the same problem only a bit more serious. I have Manic depression so much so that my manic side is the femminine side I have developed to fit in better.

Any ways fear not gender is only what you make it and is constantly challenged by people like the brave Bronies and sword fighting heroins.

Just be yourself and don't worry about whether you have boy or girl likes and interests. It's OK.

I still like to fish and watch football and action movies.

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 06:56:12 PM
Is this normal?

If it's normal for you, then that's the kind of guy you are. No justification or changes needed.

Thanks and in response to two way rain, I struggle with borderline personality disorder, and so finding my identity within my male self is really difficult for me, my doctors are even finding it hard to allow me to start T because they think that my gender disphoria is just part of the bpd, and it really annoys me because that's the only thing about myself that I'm sure of. It's the only part of my identity that I can trace back to when I was a small child and the feelings of having the wrong body parts. It's just that I'm really struggling with this now and I feel as though nobody is listening....

Jason I totally understand, I know that feeling of; "I know this part of myself, this is me. I have these problems with myself but I know it will help if I do this. I am sane and I am competent enough to understand this, and understand what will make me happy, listen to me please."
And then when they see the frustration they decide that obviously you're not ready. Yeah.
-Rain

Because they think that just because some of us have been diagnosed with a mental illness it means that were not competent enough to know who we are :/ that's why I don't much like counselors. They think that just because they went to college and read a few books, they know our feelings and what's in our hearts... Like give me a break! Someone should slap ppl like this lol

Lol, true I just wish more people who had mental conditions pursued counseling positions. They know what would be going on with the people not just reading about it. Though then people say the phrase 'the blind leading the blind'. But the thing I am suggesting is giving them a path and a place to harness their specialties and let their suffering not go to waste. Anyways, yeah, most counselors don't trust their patients, in my experience.
-Rain (Ray)

I agree, and it makes me wonder why they chose to become councilors if they don't trust us

I agree, don't sweat this stuff. I still ride motorcycles and enjoy fixing mechanical things etc. I hate cooking and sewing and other things girls are "supposed" to like even if I am all about buying shoes We all are a mix of different traits.

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 06:56:12 PM
I also get all excited and distracted by cute animals like kittens... I feel like I'm just not masculine enough... Is this normal?

Okay, if you DON'T find this to be the slightest bit adorable, then male or female, you are just not human.




In short, it doesn't matter what personality traits you have. They are irrelevant to gender. Or is my Master Sword too manly? 

Quote from: DianaP on January 03, 2013, 04:23:13 PM

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 06:56:12 PM
I also get all excited and distracted by cute animals like kittens... I feel like I'm just not masculine enough... Is this normal?

Okay, if you DON'T find this to be the slightest bit adorable, then male or female, you are just not human.

Good point. I think guys just refrain from 'awwing' over them as much.

Jason,

Plenty of guys like boy bands.

To your other point, however.

I'm sure you already know this, but it makes perfect sense for your counselors to be concerned. You have a condition for which one of the symptoms is identity confusion, including gender. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes though. I know it must suck not to feel taken seriously. 
Have you shared these feelings with your counselor?

Those are the cutest puppies EVER!!! Lol... In the past I have spoken to many councilors since I was 18 trying to find one who would listen to me. Its true that I have had identity issues since I was about 13, but I've also been peeing standing up since I was 4 years old, worn boys clothes my entire childhood until I was 12 and my new group home said it was inappropriate and made to wear girls clothes... I've also had the boys mushroom style haircut from when it was cool from age 5 until 12 when again, my group home made me grow it long. They've convinced me that my boy tendencies stemmed from the abuse I suffered at my birthparents before I turned 3... but basically as soon as I was 18, I was starting to go back and forth between male and female, peaking at age 23 when I realized that the group home and my therapist was wrong and I happily chopped off all 16 inches of long, brown wavy hair and got back into guys clothes.... Until I was once again told that I was a girl and this was just a side affect of BPD and that I need to learn who I am. I am 26 now, and although I might not totally know WHO I am, I am more certain than ever of WHAT I am. I am a man! And I'm so frustrated with everything that I'm having suicidal thoughts because nobody here listens to me. Even the staff at my home say it's just a faze and are trying to get me to grow my hair long and they call me by my girl name and they have only known me for 3 months! I'm so exhausted and frustrated. I feel more alone than ever, more trapped than I've ever felt.... Idk where to go from here.... 

Hmm Well, I don't know what you went through by age 3, but it certainly sounds as if you always exhibited GID traits. And you've explained all this?

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I have to say you are 26, so don't let the counselors that you're seeing influence you one way or the other.  I 'm not sure what type of situation you're in, but I may try to find another therapist if I were you.  Your gender identity does not come from being bipolar, it really sounds like they are just trying to to ignore the problem at hand instead of dealing with it.  I don't know you, so of course you may be bipolar; but I don't see how that has anything to do with being born in the wrong body.  If you are able find a different psychiatrist, doctors are not infallible and some care more than others....I think there's a better one out there for you.  As far as having male vs female interests, well everyone is different; I know men that like ballet and women who like to play football....so don't take what you favor as any indication of your masculinity.  Good luck

I'm not bipolar at all actually... Just borderline personality disorder, but I've ALWAYS felt I was a boy... I feel stuck... Going to try and find a new therapist. I desperately need someone to listen to me

I don't really think the music you listen to or the movies you watch should define your gender at all!
I love a good chick flick, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
Yes, they're stereotypical of a female to watch. But I know quite a few cisgender men who love them as well.

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 06:56:12 PM
Is this normal?

Very. I'm sure other people will disagree, but personally, I think gender roles don't actually exist other than when people try to enforce or subvert them.

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 08:14:04 PM
I struggle with borderline personality disorder

Hey me too! I did consider that possibility, but I think it's pretty telling that I identify as male at my healthiest. Good luck.

Quote from: Jason.Bailey on January 02, 2013, 06:56:12 PM
So here's my question.... Does anyone else feel like parts of there personality are stuck in the "wrong gender" ? Like for instance, I have always had what's usually considered a boyish personality and all my male friends consider me to be "one of the guys" , but I still feel like there are parts of my personality is too girly and dont fit the traditional male roles... For instance, I listen to a lot of music that most guys hate( Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber etc) , I also get all excited and distracted by cute animals like kittens... I feel like I'm just not masculine enough... Is this normal?

There are all kinds of women and men. My trans son is not rejecting a lot of the interests and traits he has that are more often thought of as either girly or queer. He's pretty clear with himself, at least at his current stage (no top surgery, no T, yet) that he is mainly attracted to guys, so for him this is not an issue he seems to worry about much. Granted, he's not much into Justin Beiber. But he likes to get his now very short, boyishly cut hair colored in some fairly flamboyant colors. I worry sometimes that my remaining closeted, and presenting in a very androgynous-to-femme way, while continuing to allow people to see me as male could be a factor in creating his own ideas about maleness.  He now knows that I am female identified and always have been. We shared a room at a recent retreat with friends where I presented as female for nearly the entire event, and today will be a session with his new gender therapist (and first one dealing with transition issues) where I hope we will get into some of this in ways we may not have discussed so far... I have had some long conversations in recent months about my own issues, but it's hard to say everything, and impossible to do it all at once.

What may matter most in the end is body dysphoria. That's where the issues are for me, and from what he has told me, that's where the issue is for him as well. Having female sex characteristics quite simply is something that causes him pain and distress. At least that's what he says and I have every reason to believe he's being honest about this, and not just saying it because of the bond between us, or some sort of odd projection going on between us.

In part, his "queer" identified traits are something that persuade me that this is not about me, since my own character traits tend to be far more conventionally female-associated ones.