What are your sexual preferences like? How did you decide on your sexuality? What was the process like in terms of how your sexuality developed? Has your sexuality changed over the course of your lifetime? If so, what factors do you think were responsible for said change?

And, of course, if you have any additional insight regarding the uniqueness of transsexual sexuality, please post it!


As for myself, I have a personal interest in the results of those questions. I've said here and there that I'm unsure about my sexuality - an alien idea to me. I find it so strange that I can be unsure about who I'm attracted to, who I would like to be in a relationship with, and/as opposed to who I would like to go to bed with!

Ultimately, time and experience will tell all, but there is one factor that necessitates questioning in advance - SRS. Irreversible, and highly desired by yours truly. I think.

Let me go to the beginning, so perhaps I can start making sense. In the beginning, Testosterone ran through my veins, and I was raised male. I didn't want to be male, but I was. I also happened to be attracted to women - perfectly normal for a male, but not so normal for me, since I thought I was female! In a conservative Christian family, it would be problematic if I were a lesbian, after all.

That didn't matter, of course, until I began transition at seventeen. My family took it comparatively well, as I've only rarely heard of Christian families being in favour of transition. I expected my sexuality to change with hormones, and to an extent it did... I went from liking women to having no clue.

I proceeded to have a couple relationships, and a fling. All of them were anatomically male, though one was with another transitioning MtF, so the anatomy did have some variance. I found that my sexuality wasn't really satisfied with any of them - sex seemed gross, unclean, and I didn't really enjoy myself. A part of why it went poorly was probably because I was (and still am) very unsatisfied with my own body, so some dysphoria remained. Another issue was that I wasn't sure about how to perform - I quickly found out that anal and oral were definitely things I didn't like. What, then, remained was the use of hands. I felt that this level of intimacy was inadequate, though, and it didn't do much for me.

To date, my best sexual experiences have taken place alone.

Fast forward a year, and now I've found my attraction to women again. I'm partially conflicted because I don't want to upset my family, but that's a minor issue. The central issue is how I would approach a relationship to another woman - I mean, my anatomy is still very male, so I can't very well say it's a lesbian relationship. However, if it were treated as a straight relationship, I'd be concerned that my feelings and female identity wouldn't be respected.

I'm also quite anxious about how intimate relations would take place, since I've never been with another woman before, and not only am I unfamiliar with the anatomy from a personal perspective, but I'm also way more shy around women. I have always opened up easier around guys, probably because the girls throughout my childhood treated me like a plague to be avoided. The guys didn't acknowledge my existence, but ambivalence is a better standing than an active dislike!

So, I'm not really into guys while my anatomy is arranged the way it is, but if I had SRS things would probably change quite a bit. It might work out, but the problem is that I don't know for sure. I'm way more attracted to women, but I'm not sure if things would be the same if I did have SRS - I mean, I think that if my femininity could remain fully intact, being non-op with a semi-lesbian lover would be pretty amazing. But, being non-op is a personal hassle that I'd rather avoid. Tucking isn't fun (or easy, with my anatomy), and I am pretty doubtful about whether I could stand having a penis for an extended length of time.

Another option would be to get SRS and pursue a classic lesbian relationship, but I'm honestly unsure about whether that would be sexually satisfying. Romantically and emotionally, sure, but carnally? That's an uncertainly.

The best option would probably to get SRS and find a non-op girlfriend, but I can't really count on being able to find one that would work with my personality. I'd be lucky to have a successful relationship period, so I really need to have broad preferences.

So, there's one more option. Just continuing by myself, as I am. I have to wonder if it's possible to cultivate a romantically and emotionally intimate relationship with oneself that could satisfy the desire for a romantic companion. This would also eliminate the risk of me finding sex to be gross.

I have a lot to sort out. Sexuality is a messy thing.

So, what's your story? The questions at the top would be a good place to start, if you have to think about it too much!


Thanks for reading. Hopefully it came out less scrambled than I think it did; my head is a mess over this.

Well for me I have always been "bi" but! , I have androphobia so to me men are out of the question, however when I first started transistion I was quite stupid because I was scared society would reject me for not prefering men so I tried to force myself to prefer men.

Obviously didnt work, I dont feel secure, etc around men, Eventually I realised I feel safer, more secure, more attracted to, etc with women.

Now obviously this is the extremely simplified way to explain how I came to prefer women but hey no reason to add another essay to the topic

 By all means, I'd love to hear what you have to essay (Get it? I'm so funny).

That's sort of how I am with women. I'm sort of afraid to interact with them, because I always feel like I'm being judged around them. With men, it's different... but then there's the difficulty of men not being very attractive to me!

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 05, 2013, 06:25:15 AM
By all means, I'd love to hear what you have to essay (Get it? I'm so funny).

That's sort of how I am with women. I'm sort of afraid to interact with them, because I always feel like I'm being judged around them. With men, it's different... but then there's the difficulty of men not being very attractive to me!

Well I ignore any form of love for now till I can pass, I am not into someone loving me claiming they can handle my changes then realise Oh no I look lez with her and dump me. I am gonna wait till someone like me for ho I am not what I still appear to be

btw I wasnt meaning your inital post was bad because it was an essay I simply meant I cant type they much because when I type I make many mistakes and proof reading that would take me years!

I now consider myself to be polysexual and asexual. By this I mean that I'm attracted to people before I know what their gender is - but I don't want to have sex (even when I'm sexually attracted); I just want romance, intimacy, sensuality, affection.

I've only very recently figured out that I've never been comfortable with sex itself (I was abused by both parents as a child, and that definitely plays a part in this) though I like everything else that goes with it. I'd be very happy with a similarly asexual lover of whatever persuasion or gender.

  No offence taken. No worries.

And yeah, I can feel that. My first 'relationship' ended because the boy was worried that his friends would think he was gay if they knew about me. I was very unhappy with him for that.

By the way, I remember you from way back when on these forums. You sure did take a long break, and I missed ya.

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 05, 2013, 06:35:58 AM
No offence taken. No worries.

And yeah, I can feel that. My first 'relationship' ended because the boy was worried that his friends would think he was gay if they knew about me. I was very unhappy with him for that.

By the way, I remember you from way back when on these forums. You sure did take a long break, and I missed ya.

Me?? you remember me from my old account with 1000 post, Ah yes I was on active kitty back then ^^. Didnt think people missed me.

Part of the reason I left was because I couldnt handle transistion and went of estrogen for a little while but kept on my blockers.

At least I worked out stuff in that time.

  Yeah, you were one of the flavours of the forum back then. Maybe I miss you because I'm nostalgic, or because we had some unresolved conflict. I hate unresolved negativity.

I used to be here as a "Jordan R.T.", but I decided against the name when I went full time.

I'm leaning towards keeping Jordan as a name again, because, to be honest, I sort of like a bit of androgyny in a name. Kelly can go either way, too, so I'll probably use it for my middle name.

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 05, 2013, 06:44:28 AM
  Yeah, you were one of the flavours of the forum back then. Maybe I miss you because I'm nostalgic, or because we had some unresolved conflict. I hate unresolved negativity.

I used to be here as a "Jordan R.T.", but I decided against the name when I went full time.

I'm leaning towards keeping Jordan as a name again, because, to be honest, I sort of like a bit of androgyny in a name. Kelly can go either way, too, so I'll probably use it for my middle name.

True for me I came to Zoey because I didnt want to have a similar name to my male one which starts with a "K", Haha I had many people who hated me on the forum tho because I was honest and not sugar coated all the time XD. I remember the thread I made that made on the whole grown adults dressing in teen clothing thing, Oh how the people hear got made The fun hehe. None the less its nice to be back wish i could get my old accounts posts back but fat admin said I had to choice the account with all the hate towards it or this one

Anyways back to topic I am curious did a major of confussion cased by transistion also leave you so confussed with your seuality, that at times you prefered to try become completely unattracted to anyone? I did at a point.

 Certainly. I've been going through that phase for the last few months, actually, and it's just very recently that I've rediscovered my (unfortunate) attraction to females. I wanted to like men, and I really tried, but it can't work with my current anatomy, and I'm not sure if it would get better with SRS.

And yeah, I'm not sure if I remember that particular thread... but I definitely remember an uproar like you describe. It's true that many trans women past their 30s or 40s try to wear more teenager-oriented clothing... and while I commend their trying to reclaim their youth, it usually looks kinda bad, and it just reinforces stereotypes of trans people. I really don't want to see miniskirts on non-passing trans people who are over 30 or 40 (I've seen one over 50 wear one). It's just... yeah, no.

Anyway, this has been off-topic. We should probably take this discussion to PM if we want to continue this particular stream of thought.

I think the point is that miniskirts have a best-before date on anyone, cis or trans, male or female or otherwise .

My fault for the los of topic so let me try redeem the topic with an experience I had in terms of sexuality.

Right most of us not all but most of us had to go through male puberty, and obviously with that came the incontolable sex drive and followed by the the thoughts of lust. Now even after puberty T driven brains are still constantly bombarded with lust thoughts which will eventually lead to thoughts of love.

Now to get onto how the change of T to E effected me. Of course your all welcome to try agree/disagree on this if you want to!

When I lost my sex drive yes literally lost it, I cant remember the last time I actually wanted sex or any sexual actions, I realised my attraction to the others didnt leave me(so I must have some what of a sex drive left then), I however noticed it wasnt the same when I ran on T my want for a partner wasnt trully just for the comfort of another person on T, Yet now it some what is more just so I have to be lonely and so I can live with somone who can trully get me(If such a person exists).

Now from my horribly useless story I bring fourth the question how many of you if any of you had a change in just what kind of attractions your sexual attractions are?

Quote from: Padma on January 05, 2013, 07:04:16 AM
I think the point is that miniskirts have a best-before date on anyone, cis or trans, male or female or otherwise .

Haha this is for a year old topic Padma please try keep to the topic of sexuality only

You guys started it this time .

Quote from: Padma on January 05, 2013, 07:25:09 AM
You guys started it this time .

Tch, caught red-handed...

I will note that I have definitely seen a few women who could wear a mini-skirt in their 30s or 40s. Some people just don't know how to get old.

It tickles me who you think is "old" - but back to the topic of sexualty, eh?

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 05, 2013, 06:06:28 AM
How did you decide on your sexuality?

I didn't.

Most of my teenage years I struggled with it, but now I'm perfectly content and I know exactly what I like.

I identify as pansexual. I have always known that I could be attracted to anyone. But, where I grew up you did not step outside of societal norms meaning that homosexuality was not accepted at all. So, I just hid that part of me and only dated women. Now that I am free of all of that, I am able to be me. I also have no issues with intimacy. I am mainly looking for someone to love me for me. Someone who wants to hold me and love me.

I wonder if our need for relationships is an emotional need while sexual interactions are essentially physical?

I wonder how much our physical preferences are driven by experiences, though not necessarily in a direct sort of way?

I wonder if our emotional preferences are motivated by our need to deal with emotional issues?

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 05, 2013, 06:06:28 AM
As for myself, I have a personal interest in the results of those questions. I've said here and there that I'm unsure about my sexuality - an alien idea to me. I find it so strange that I can be unsure about who I'm attracted to, who I would like to be in a relationship with, and/as opposed to who I would like to go to bed with!

...

That didn't matter, of course, until I began transition at seventeen. My family took it comparatively well, as I've only rarely heard of Christian families being in favour of transition. I expected my sexuality to change with hormones, and to an extent it did... I went from liking women to having no clue.

I proceeded to have a couple relationships, and a fling. All of them were anatomically male, though one was with another transitioning MtF, so the anatomy did have some variance. I found that my sexuality wasn't really satisfied with any of them - sex seemed gross, unclean, and I didn't really enjoy myself. A part of why it went poorly was probably because I was (and still am) very unsatisfied with my own body, so some dysphoria remained. Another issue was that I wasn't sure about how to perform - I quickly found out that anal and oral were definitely things I didn't like. What, then, remained was the use of hands. I felt that this level of intimacy was inadequate, though, and it didn't do much for me.

I've been going through the same thing and I'm pre-transition. I was on hormones for about 6 months, but that was over 5 years ago so I doubt it would have affected things. I've had the same problem. Only attracted to one sex, which happens to be the opposite of my birth sex, but not only never enjoying it, but finding it gross.

My therapist also mentioned that it's likely my own dysphoria causing the disconnect and that I need to deal with that first and the orientation may just kind of fall into place once I do. Crossing my fingers on that one. She says it's because it's an intimate interaction and it's hard to be intimate with someone when they're not seeing you as yourself (and you know that).