This is probably a very difficult question for people to answer, but I was hoping people could tell me from their experience what life was like being transsexual?

I myself feel trapped by my gender and dream constantly I that I will take the plunge and become the woman that I am.  However I have read various comments on here, which to be honest is quite frightening!!

An example:  A girl had started to date a straight man and then told him about her past, he initially took things quite bad, however then agreed to date her.  As long as she made changes in her appearance and followed various rules, this would seem bad enough.  However she accepted this and others seemed to agree with this considering that he was willing to date her!!  I find this absolutely abhorrent!!  Do many TS women find positive relationships or are we left at the mercy of society! 
I am also concerned about discrimination when accessing the community.  How do people in respond?

I feel that I would be quite lucky as facially and body wise I believe I would reflect my true gender, however I have manly hands!! Will they improve with hormones i.e. become thinner and less masculine?

Sorry for the mish mash of questions!! But any advice and information will be appreciated!

The only time when I experience life as a transgender was during my first steps of transitioning.

From a certain point it went from thinking like a transgender or having a transgender life to just being a woman. In a way I can describe this on a line graph:

For a period of time I lived as a guy---   34 years
For a brief period of time I lived as a transgender-- 1 year
Presently I am living as a woman --- Present

My brief period when I felt like I was transgender was when I was researching it, starting out to see a therapist, making the decisions, and posting every transgender poster and flag icon I could find onto my facebook.

The woman aspect of me happened shortly thereafter. Lost interest in transgender things, support groups (tried Southern Comfort Conference once...hated it lol), then I transitioned into feeling more align as a woman...only time when I think in terms of transgender is when I am on here.

When it comes to a love life, I have my ups and downs like every other person on this planet. I tell the guys who are interested in me and I interested in them. They either walk away or they decide to stick around.

Since my transition I have had a few boyfriends and all are very wonderful people. I am still friends with every single one of them to this day. Currently dating a man near my graduate school...we've already introduced each other to each other's mothers...so it's kinda a big deal relationship now.

Some people have had horrible experiences dating and some haven't as a transgender person. But honestly, you can say that with any gender ..biological or not.

Hands and feet and height do not generally change with hormones. You can loose some fat in the hands and feet to make them smaller but HRT will not change bone structure. If you are loosing height or bone structure from your hands and feet from HRT, that is not a underlying blessing...it would be considered a health concern.

I tell people who have yet to transition the same thing. You have absolutely no idea how you will end up at the end of the journey in terms of your appearance. It is like a pregnant woman who dreams about what their child will look like when they are born. You wont know until you see them. Then they imagine what their child will look like when they go to kindergarten...you wont really know until that time comes.

Your transition is the same way. You just wont know until you get there concerning your appearance. In 2009, I had a lumberjack beard, 200 lbs heavier, receding hairline, hair body, deep voice.

I am none of those descriptors anymore.

First of all, living as a transsexual varies from person to person. It depends on a bunch of factors such as how accepting your loved ones / friends are, where you live, how well you pass, etc.

I'll answer your direct questions and give you my own summary.

"Do many TS women find positive relationships or are we left at the mercy of society?"

Many of us do find positive relationships, but many more of us never do. However every human is left at the mercy of society, trans or not.

"I am also concerned about discrimination when accessing the community.  How do people in respond?"

In *MY* experience it's been either people leave me be and don't bother me or are totally supportive. I've never gotten a negative reaction from anybody who I knew pre-transition, that has seen me in person as a female. However, from some of the comments I've gathered from the cis population, acceptance is based on how well you blend in. Plenty of people have told me it would be harder to be seen in public with me if I didn't appear female and carry myself well.

"I have manly hands!! Will they improve with hormones i.e. become thinner and less masculine?"

Probably not. The fat may change a bit but the bones will not. However people clock by hands only if they're hairy or if they had a wonder about your status in the first place.

Now for my own account:

Being trans comes with ups and downs you will NEVER experience as a cis. It can also be every bit as humdrum-everyday as being cis. Some days you'll have your own personal anguish towards it ("I'll never have a baby! What if I was born female? Can they tell? I wish I didn't care!!" kind of stuff). Other days you feel wiser than most of the world because you have insight into the world that nobody else has. You can offer advice based on gender freely and confidently. You can also stand on the top of the hill with your hands on your hips and smile proudly as you know yourself through and through, and you KNOW you're not afraid to express who you are... Other days (and most days) it's "Ugh I'm out of milk and don't wanna go anywhere" and nobody pays you any special attention (good or bad) and just get on with their lives.

Overall, being trans isn't a big deal if you don't get the negativity thrown your way. It's riddled with doubt but it's also riddled with confidence, but those fears and swagger reside only within you as a personal battle. I know when I was pre-hrt / pre-transition I looked at all the beautiful trans girls and thought that was just the best life you could lead. Honestly it's just as dull any other cis girl in their late 20s, early30s (or whatever age you are). I also feared the time when I transitioned and how I was going to lose everybody. What I came to find out is I lost nobody important, and the people who stuck with me at least I know aren't superficial.

Quote from: newbie123 on January 06, 2013, 12:55:06 PM
Do many TS women find positive relationships or are we left at the mercy of society!

Some who prefer a hetro relationship have found happiness, others find that they share an attraction to other women and find
happiness with that and live together. Some have made favorable partnerships with an FtM and many just live out their lives as a single woman.
It's a matter of choice and the desire to socialize sufficiently to find that special someone. It doesn't happen hiding out.

Quote from: newbie123 on January 06, 2013, 12:55:06 PM
I am also concerned about discrimination when accessing the community.  How do people in respond?

Discrimination is a fact, it never goes away. There are laws against it, but laws never change people's attitudes and they can't
make anyone like you or accept you. This is just a part of the territory and we have to get over it and do the best we can in spite
of how someone sees us. I find that when you can exude self-confidence in public you will draw less attention from those types. Most people in middle income areas really don't have time or an inclination to put up a discriminatory front against TG people, it's becoming less PC acceptable to behave that way and that consciousness works in your favor.

Quote from: newbie123 on January 06, 2013, 12:55:06 PM
I feel that I would be quite lucky as facially and body wise I believe I would reflect my true gender, however I have manly hands!! Will they improve with hormones i.e. become thinner and less masculine?

You may be one of the lucky ones here, but there is nothing that will change hands and feet. Don't let that hold you back, there are plenty of CIS women with huge hands and feet that look mannish, so what?

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 06, 2013, 01:23:47 PM
First of all, living as a transsexual varies from person to person. It depends on a bunch of factors such as how accepting your loved ones / friends are, where you live, how well you pass, etc.

I'll answer your direct questions and give you my own summary.

"Do many TS women find positive relationships or are we left at the mercy of society?"

Many of us do find positive relationships, but many more of us never do. However every human is left at the mercy of society, trans or not.

"I am also concerned about discrimination when accessing the community.  How do people in respond?"

In *MY* experience it's been either people leave me be and don't bother me or are totally supportive. I've never gotten a negative reaction from anybody who I knew pre-transition, that has seen me in person as a female. However, from some of the comments I've gathered from the cis population, acceptance is based on how well you blend in. Plenty of people have told me it would be harder to be seen in public with me if I didn't appear female and carry myself well.

"I have manly hands!! Will they improve with hormones i.e. become thinner and less masculine?"

Probably not. The fat may change a bit but the bones will not. However people clock by hands only if they're hairy or if they had a wonder about your status in the first place.

Now for my own account:

Being trans comes with ups and downs you will NEVER experience as a cis. It can also be every bit as humdrum-everyday as being cis. Some days you'll have your own personal anguish towards it ("I'll never have a baby! What if I was born female? Can they tell? I wish I didn't care!!" kind of stuff). Other days you feel wiser than most of the world because you have insight into the world that nobody else has. You can offer advice based on gender freely and confidently. You can also stand on the top of the hill with your hands on your hips and smile proudly as you know yourself through and through, and you KNOW you're not afraid to express who you are... Other days (and most days) it's "Ugh I'm out of milk and don't wanna go anywhere" and nobody pays you any special attention (good or bad) and just get on with their lives.

Overall, being trans isn't a big deal if you don't get the negativity thrown your way. It's riddled with doubt but it's also riddled with confidence, but those fears and swagger reside only within you as a personal battle. I know when I was pre-hrt / pre-transition I looked at all the beautiful trans girls and thought that was just the best life you could lead. Honestly it's just as dull any other cis girl in their late 20s, early30s (or whatever age you are). I also feared the time when I transitioned and how I was going to lose everybody. What I came to find out is I lost nobody important, and the people who stuck with me at least I know aren't superficial.

I agree with you totally. im lucky because people tell me I pass well. so I don't tend to get bothered. but a few of the trans people I did meet in my area that don't sadly have a much different experience than I do with being picked on and such. and as far as love and that stuff. if you look long and hard enough theirs someone out their for everyone.

Quote from: newbie123 on January 06, 2013, 12:55:06 PM
This is probably a very difficult question for people to answer, but I was hoping people could tell me from their experience what life was like being transsexual?

I posted this (below) on another thread earlier today, but it is relevant to some of your questions

Transitioning from male to female will solve ONE problem for you, maybe two. All the other problems will still be there. The problem it will solve is to resolve your dissatisfaction with how you see yourself and if you have a problem like depression caused by self-image transitioning might solve that too. But all the other problems will still exist. You will still have all the day-to-day problems that come with being alive - bills to pay, family problems, car breakdowns, food shopping, housing issues, etc, etc, and you will have some new problems added to the list like learning how to socialise as a female, learning to deal with being TS and how to deal with people because of it.

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you should not transition but it does not solve many problems. Indeed what I find amazing about the whole process is how much changes and yet how little changes. In my own case, when I started it seemed like everything would be different, but now I see that so little has changed and even the changes that have happened are mostly inside my head. When I go out my door and go somewhere I am amongst people, just like I always was. I do not get any more attention when moving through crowds or shops than I did as a male - I am just another face in the crowd. At work I still have things to do just like I always did. When I get up in the morning I have to wash and get dressed, just like I always did.

So what has changed for me? I no longer torture myself inside my own head and my wardrobe is different. That is about it. I changed everything and my life is still much as it was.

Quote from: newbie123 on January 06, 2013, 12:55:06 PMI myself feel trapped by my gender and dream constantly I that I will take the plunge and become the woman that I am.  However I have read various comments on here, which to be honest is quite frightening!!

Well, my own feeling is that if you feel that way then you are not ready to transition. I was the same once as were many others I know. Once I reached a point where the agony of denial was worse than the consequences of coming out then I started to transition. Looking back, most (all?) of my fears were groundless.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 06, 2013, 01:23:47 PMBeing trans comes with ups and downs you will NEVER experience as a cis. It can also be every bit as humdrum-everyday as being cis. Some days you'll have your own personal anguish towards it ("I'll never have a baby! What if I was born female? Can they tell? I wish I didn't care!!" kind of stuff). Other days you feel wiser than most of the world because you have insight into the world that nobody else has. You can offer advice based on gender freely and confidently. You can also stand on the top of the hill with your hands on your hips and smile proudly as you know yourself through and through, and you KNOW you're not afraid to express who you are... Other days (and most days) it's "Ugh I'm out of milk and don't wanna go anywhere" and nobody pays you any special attention (good or bad) and just get on with their lives.

Overall, being trans isn't a big deal if you don't get the negativity thrown your way. It's riddled with doubt but it's also riddled with confidence, but those fears and swagger reside only within you as a personal battle. I know when I was pre-hrt / pre-transition I looked at all the beautiful trans girls and thought that was just the best life you could lead. Honestly it's just as dull any other cis girl in their late 20s, early30s (or whatever age you are). I also feared the time when I transitioned and how I was going to lose everybody. What I came to find out is I lost nobody important, and the people who stuck with me at least I know aren't superficial.

Beautiful post, Alaina

Some really good nuggets of advice in here that will stick with me through this transition. Thank you for that.

One of the interesting things about being on this site, and there are many, are perceptions people have.

We of course all tend to be self centric, that is normal, and we feel that our experiences are different to others, and of course that is normal.

We, as in people in general, like to use labels and mainly they are harmless and even useful, it is when labels become taunts that labels lose useful meaning.

I'm not sure if I have ever been a transsexual, I'm not too sure what one is, no matter Sue's definitions that are the official definitions of the site.

I've always been me. And I don't mean that in a factitious manner either. My core person has not changed. My personality has developed but it is based on my past personalities and I have been a person who has looked forward to changes in my knowledge, understanding and my reaction to them. So I continually grow, and sometimes regress in blinding temper.

How did I change?

I changed from being physically male to more physically female due to hormones, exercise, cosmetic changes, dress in some ways, but that is minor, and attitude.

Hormones have affected my facial structure, my face is not as soft as Annah's but it is getting there, my body has responded, I have obvious breasts and my upper body strength has dropped dramatically even though I exercise.  My legs are changing with fat deposition. my hips are also changing, I have some!.

My brain has changed. I'm far less aggressive. I'm equally if not more determined but less fury.

I cry and I love easier.

I do stupid things like give some of my sandwich lunch to a Mum next to me, who I haven't a clue who she was, so her little girl could feed a duck.

I got more pleasure from that than I did eating the sandwich.

Seems silly.

How do I feel?

I feel like I think many other woman feel.

I'm happy, yes I'd like a guy, but not pushing it.

But I've never really felt transsexual.

I'm now a woman who fits in better.

Hugs

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on January 06, 2013, 01:23:47 PM
Being trans comes with ups and downs you will NEVER experience as a cis. It can also be every bit as humdrum-everyday as being cis. Some days you'll have your own personal anguish towards it ("I'll never have a baby! What if I was born female? Can they tell? I wish I didn't care!!" kind of stuff). Other days you feel wiser than most of the world because you have insight into the world that nobody else has. You can offer advice based on gender freely and confidently. You can also stand on the top of the hill with your hands on your hips and smile proudly as you know yourself through and through, and you KNOW you're not afraid to express who you are... Other days (and most days) it's "Ugh I'm out of milk and don't wanna go anywhere" and nobody pays you any special attention (good or bad) and just get on with their lives.

Overall, being trans isn't a big deal if you don't get the negativity thrown your way. It's riddled with doubt but it's also riddled with confidence, but those fears and swagger reside only within you as a personal battle. I know when I was pre-hrt / pre-transition I looked at all the beautiful trans girls and thought that was just the best life you could lead. Honestly it's just as dull any other cis girl in their late 20s, early30s (or whatever age you are). I also feared the time when I transitioned and how I was going to lose everybody. What I came to find out is I lost nobody important, and the people who stuck with me at least I know aren't superficial.

Beautifully Summarized post Alina,      This is exactly how i feel and couldn't have written better for my self. Guess we all face the same inner demons. I started HRT while working as a male and after 6 months  I was being confused for a girl even when I am in male cloths, which made me really happy. I have never been read since I went full time and I didn't lost a single friend I had. many said I look really good and no one will even believe I was born a boy even if I tell them, I think which is way too much of an over complement.

But with all the positive feed back, there are days I get depressed by thinking of the things I never had, How would I have looked and how things would have been if I transitioned in my teens, the memories I couldn't made as a school girl or a collage girl. The fact that I will never have children. These can be very very depressing. There are also days I feel so proud of my self for the things I have achieved and how far I have come.

But not for a single second I regret the fact that I transitioned and the time I have choose to transitioned. It was not too soon and it was not too late. I am now happier even in the saddest moment than I was in my happiest moment before I transitioned. 

So if you really feel like if it is the time for you to transition you have to go with your heart, but  need to have an idea how things will follow to make sure you will not end up in streets.