Hey, everyone! I only joined here a few days ago, but have been identifying as male for a few years now.
I'm younger, and live in the south-west of the UK.

My problem is all connected to outting, really. I've told my parents three times since I found a name for what my mind has been telling me as long as I can remember, and they've usually pushed it aside. My latest attempt was an e-mail they received yesterday telling them that I'm called Lorcan, want male pronouns, and included a load of information and links that would help answer any questions. It seems they ignored all my information, and while being supportive, they also didn't seem to understand how much being male means to me, so they won't call me as I wish, but have no problems with me changing my name.

This isn't what I'm asking assistance on, but a little background seemed necessary. I am going to change my name either in February or May, when my partner who lives in Sweden is visiting, so they can be my witness on the documents. I've been at my sixth form for a term now, and have until July of next year until I finish and I'm probably going to University a long way away so I can be myself in stealth.

I dated somebody in the sixth form before I attended, when we were both in the final year of GCSE's, and everyone knew me by the first name I chose, then it was my given name when my parents told me not to do it, so everyone is quite used to me being male or female. I pass very well, getting 'sir' often from younger students who actually know me, and I'm going to ask them this week if my name can be changed on the records.

And so here is the thing. I don't know how to ask, or who. I'm already a student, so I'm not sure an e-mail is appropriate. There's one teacher that I completely trust, so I'm considering talking to her first, but she isn't one of the highest ranking.

And advice? I'm having to work it out on my own, since my parents don't quite get it. I've found and contacted a therapist, but there's nobody that knows how to solve issues that other transmen, right? Apologies for the rambling post.

Okay, I had to look up sixth form but wouldn't you want to begin with the administrative offices? Generally people there are more concerned with getting things done than with judgements and so the main problem is figuring out the legalities and offering the necessary paperwork. I would think the hardest thing would be social adjustments by anyone who has seen both names.

Oh right and hi Lorcan, welcome to Susan's, hope you're well.

Welcome! I'm in the South West, too. In fact, there are a couple of us here from this neck of the woods.

Under UK law you may call yourself anything you like, at any time - provided you're not trying to deceive anyone or commit fraud. Most people choose to use a Deed Poll to change their name legally (I did mine last month) but this is not a requirement; it simply helps if you have a piece of paper to show people when you want to do anything official, like open a bank account or get a job. You can change what you're called at school by simply going to the admin office and telling them you want your records updated so you can be known by your preferred name. But I would advise you to get your Deed Poll sorted before you leave Sixth Form so that you can formally update your academic records before going to Uni. After all, you'll spend the rest of your career showing your A-level and Uni results on your CV, so you might as well make sure those results are in the right name in case anyone asks to see the certificates.

You say you'll be doing this when your partner comes back from Sweden so they can witness. I do hope you're aware that your witness cannot be a relative or partner. They need to be aged 18 or over, and I'm pretty sure they must be a British citizen. I asked my boss to witness mine: can you get that teacher at your school to do it?

Just be aware that schools tend to be a hotbed of gossip in spite of what the official policies may say. If you change your name with the admin office, they'll need to tell your teachers so that the class register can change. Your teachers will talk amongst themselves. They may even talk about your name change in front of your class. So word will get out. Still, it needs to be done before you hit Uni, particularly if you want to be completely stealth once you're there.

In terms of transition, your first step must be to go to your GP. At your age your parents still have a right to get involved, but your GP is the person who needs to refer you to the appropriate services if you want to go on the NHS pathway. There is a set path for transgendered people and we have to jump through the right hoops to get the services we need.

Your parents are probably still in denial about what's going on. I've spoken about this before in this forum, but essentially they're grieving for the imaginary little girl they thought they were supposed to have - and I wouldn't be surprised if they think that this is 'just a phase' you're going through. Denial is the first step of their grieving process. Mine didn't believe me either - but I've been 'just going through a phase' since 1976...

Hi Lorcan,

Welcome to our little family. Over 9601   strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

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Janet 

Thankyou, Felix! I'm pretty good, and hope you're well too.

And it's nice to find somebody else in the south-west. I had intended to change my name before Uni anyway, so I could get used to it and, as you say, so that all my grades will show as the name I have chosen. I'm startling aware of the gossip side of school life, and it's going to be difficult, I'm sure, but since most of the lower schools can't tell what gender I am, and sixth form seems to have a much more accepting attitude, from the occasional LGBTQ conversations I've listened in on. I was discussing that the other week, and realised that my generation is quite a bit more accepting that we give ourselves credit for. And there are enough people that would stand up for me that I feel like it'll be alright. It has to, really. And once I leave the county and move to my University, I'll be starting fresh, so I don't mind.

The British Citizen rule is a little annoying, and the only problem, since my partner is 23. I have a good friend who's mum would probably be happy to sign for me, if it can't be a partner or relative.

Still, thankyou for the information, and I'll try it out as soon as I can work up the courage to approach somebody. I'm so used to not doing anything about it that I'm so wary to start. I just need to get started, I guess!

And that's a hell of a phase you've got going there. Congratulations! (: