Marsha Aizumi
Author, speaker and member of the PFLAG National Board of Directors

'She Brings Honor to Our Family, and That Is Good'
Posted: 01/07/2013 11:09 am

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marsha-aizumi/parents-lgbt-children_b_2412782.html

"We have a rich and highly respected family name that goes back to the days of the samurai," the obvious patriarch of the group proudly declares.

"Only do things that will bring our family respect and honor. Never bring shame to our name."

My parents, aunts, and uncles nod their head in agreement.

Years later when my child came out as lesbian and later transitioned to male, I remember hearing that same voice saying, "Never bring shame to our family." For a while, this voice forced me into the closet and I could not openly talk about my lesbian child. I was afraid that I would be judged a terrible mother who brought dishonor to her family. But slowly through support from PFLAG, by reading and increasing my awareness of what being LGBT meant, and through talking with other families, especially mothers, I realized I did nothing wrong. My child was born this way and I had to make a choice. I could choose to love my child or be ashamed of her. I chose love. When my daughter later transitioned to be my son, I would occasionally hear that voice talking about shame somewhere in the distance, but I was wiser, stronger, and less fearful.