Susan's Place Logo

News:

Visit our Discord server  and Wiki

Main Menu

When you realize you're not attractive

Started by Rebecca Perez, January 12, 2013, 01:14:41 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Rebecca Perez

I had FFS over the summer and I know it takes awhile to set in. Dr. Cardenas did a good job and everything looks very natural. That is the thing...there is nothing more to do. Then it hit me, after all this pain, struggle, fighting, sacrifice, I realized that, though I pass as a woman easily, I am not attractive in the least. It's depressing and weird.

It's depressing because at age 42 I stepped into a new life never really knowing what male attention would be all about. It's weird because my dad basically paid for my FFS as a way to say "I accept who you are. You're my daughter" and with all the work done I ended up with "meh" results. Just objectively female, but not attractive in the slightest. It is just the way my bones and muscle are laid down. Nothing else could be done to make me more attractive.

Oh great, now I have more issues to work through.  ;)

Rant over.

I guess the lesson is twofold: (1) Super jealous of all you cute girls (never take it for granted and sure as hell don't rub it in or show off), and (2) I may be denied the privileges of beauty in our society but I will have to make do and find a place in the world where I accept myself. Just working through a sense of loss.

P.S. Don't take my photo from my avatar as any indication. Cameras and the right angle can make anything look good.
  •  

Isabelle

Attractiveness is entirely subjective. I think you have a slightly unhealthy point of view.
  •  

HeatherR

Isabelle hit the nail on the head..   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Have you ever pointed out to your friends someone you thought was super cute, and they said "meh, I'm more into JanieJohn Nonamer"  Hey, to each their own, right?

In guy mode, for 30 years, I've had several girlfriends, some gorgeous, like all their friends are asking them, 'what on earth are you doing' and some more girl-next-door.  I don't know what they saw in me, and it's anyone's guess.  But each and every single one of us sees the world through a different set of eyes...  different taste buds... I'm sure you look fabulous if you just have the confidence to rock it.

Confidence is far more sexy than big lips or rocking body.

Now suck it up and know you're a bad bitch and make them worship you.
The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.  ~Ralph Blum~



  •  

muuu

#3
.
  •  

Jamie D

Quote from: tara-treehouse on January 12, 2013, 01:14:41 AM
I had FFS over the summer and I know it takes awhile to set in. Dr. Cardenas did a good job and everything looks very natural. That is the thing...there is nothing more to do. Then it hit me, after all this pain, struggle, fighting, sacrifice, I realized that, though I pass as a woman easily, I am not attractive in the least. It's depressing and weird.

It's depressing because at age 42 I stepped into a new life never really knowing what male attention would be all about. It's weird because my dad basically paid for my FFS as a way to say "I accept who you are. You're my daughter" and with all the work done I ended up with "meh" results. Just objectively female, but not attractive in the slightest. It is just the way my bones and muscle are laid down. Nothing else could be done to make me more attractive.

Oh great, now I have more issues to work through.  ;)

Rant over.

I guess the lesson is twofold: (1) Super jealous of all you cute girls (never take it for granted and sure as hell don't rub it in or show off), and (2) I may be denied the privileges of beauty in our society but I will have to make do and find a place in the world where I accept myself. Just working through a sense of loss.

P.S. Don't take my photo from my avatar as any indication. Cameras and the right angle can make anything look good.

Tara, my dear, why shouldn't I use your avatar as a guide?  I wish I could look that good!  (Lighting or angles notwithstanding.)

If you want some honest feedback, go post in the before & after topic, or on the fabulous topic.

I have a feeling you will get better comments than you expect.  The only thing holding you back are your own low expectations.
  •  

suzifrommd

Tara, now you know just how female you really are. It seems an almost universal experience of womanhood not to be satisfied with your looks.

The only happy women I know don't pay much attention to their looks, they pay attention to what's going on inside.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
  •  

JoanneB

POV is everything. I never had nor ever will have asprirations of being attractive. Was far from as it a male and pretty far from as a female. If it weren't for the magic of makeup, hair and dressing just right I would never have come close to passing.

Over time I gained tons of self confidence and especially a more positive self esteem. I think self acceptance has a lot more to do with how the world views you than anything else. A good close look around at large sampling of cis-women Saturday afternoons at the supermarket is a great educational experience.
.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
  •  

Elspeth

I've known many very pretty women who have no confidence at all in their attractiveness... sometimes that's actually a strategy for eliciting positive feedback, in fact, but it's also very real... we are often more critical of ourselves and have a distorted image that can only be amplified by self-doubt, and internalizing some of the misogyny that poisons the larger culture.

I also worked fairly closely (in the same fairly isolated secretarial office, which the two of us shared for several months) with a former model. She was not ugly by any means, but I would never have guessed that she had worked as a model if she hadn't volunteered that info to me. She was, though, one of those sensitive individuals who I felt more or less "read me" without ever coming out and saying things directly. Partly my interests, no doubt, but I learned so much from her and her sharing fairly intimate details about her life to that point (she was in her early 20s, I was no older than 27 at the time, probably closer to 24). We hardly ever talked about anything else, aside from her fascination with the language of flowers, which to me was just one more way she expressed femininity in ways that had little to do with appearance and everything to do with her inner self (and mine). Her mother also ran a secretarial/charm school in Boston, a fairly famous one... we talked a fair bit about that, though she avoided a little bit, I think because her relationship with mom was more than a little complicated.
"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future."
- Sonmi-451 in Cloud Atlas
  •  

Dahlia

The more beautiful a MTF is, the more quickly she'll get read as a TS.

Beauty attracts and invites to take a closer look....and then the too big head, the too thick neck, the too broad shoulders, the too wide trunk, the too large hands and/or feet will be noticed...one of these, some of these or all of these.
  •  

Zumbagirl

Quote from: tara-treehouse on January 12, 2013, 01:14:41 AM
I guess the lesson is twofold: (1) Super jealous of all you cute girls (never take it for granted and sure as hell don't rub it in or show off), and (2) I may be denied the privileges of beauty in our society but I will have to make do and find a place in the world where I accept myself. Just working through a sense of loss.

P.S. Don't take my photo from my avatar as any indication. Cameras and the right angle can make anything look good.

Were you expecting that you were going to have this surgery and suddenly men were going to come and burst your door down to get to you? Do you want attention? If you do then you need to put yourself out there. Have you ever tried going to a day spa and getting pampered and spoiled and maybe even a make over? I've been a few times to spas just to relax and be spoiled. It's worth it sometimes and $100 well spent.

A few year ago I used to work for a big defense contractor in CT, and after work a lot of us used to meet up at this mexican restaurant in East Hartford for a few adult beverages, especially on Friday nights. Learning the appropriate behavior to have a man take notice takes a lot of practice. It was a new skill I had to learn. The flip of the hair, the smile, the pleasent conversation. "What's up with you??, "Nothing, what's up with you?", etc. Okay so maybe not quite that simple. A lot of the locals were there so it was good practice material :)

I still snicker when I look at those "celebrities without makeup" pictures in the super market check out line. I look and think, wow, it's all expensive make up and fancy hair dos. If you want that glamourous runway model look, understand that it comes with a lot of attention as well and it may not all be good attention.

I have found that blending in but yet being comfortable and natural works for me. I prefer the girl next door look to the "look at me" look. Hope that helps!
  •  

LilDevilOfPrada

Quote from: Isabelle on January 12, 2013, 01:45:59 AM
Attractiveness is entirely subjective. I think you have a slightly unhealthy point of view.

Could not be put better!!!  Look heres a example most people find obese people "ugly" however there are soooo many people who attracted to that. Look beauty is subjective to each persona and everyone finds beauty to their owns tatses, dont just believe media beauty is the only beauty.

Everyone is beautiful to at least 1 person and thats fact! So dont go cry over something so subjective.
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.


2 Febuary 2011/13 June 2011 hrt began
  •  

lavistaa

Assume you're focusing on your face, which is natural but keeping in shape will help you feel your best and put you ahead of what 75% of women?  As a woman you can also do something about your appearance which is something men can't really do easily- so many women transform themselves.  They may or may not ultimately be happy with the result but they can keep experimenting and that's so fun regardless of the outcome.  Everyone has bummer days, sounds like you may be having one. Smiles - they make you look better and feel better.  Lastly, nobody ever will be as critical or aware of your appearance as you yourself- few people will even be able to describe you half and hour after talking with you- it's just not something that anyone other than your close friends will ever really be aware of on anything other than a cursory basis.  Personality, your shape, how you smile and how interested you are and how interested you are in them will register with them.
  •  

translora

When I think of feminine beauty (which I do a lot), I often come back to something that I learned from . . . wait for it . . . Star Trek! (The Original, of course. Which one were you thinking of?)

There was a wonderful episode called "Mudd's Women" in which three homely women were given a drug to make them temporarily beautiful so they could be married off to some lonely and unsuspecting miners. Among other things, they become a distraction to the male members of the Enterprise crew. It leads to this wonderful exchange which nails an important principle on the head:

QuoteKIRK: Well, come on, you're the doctor. What is it? Is it that we're tired, and they're beautiful? They are incredibly beautiful...
MCCOY: Are they, Jim? Are they actually more lovely, pound for pound, measurement for measurement, than any other women you've known? Or is it that they just, well, act beautiful?

In the end, it turns out that [SPOILER ALERT...for the two people in the world who have never seen this marvelous program] a sugar pill makes them just as beautiful as the drug (another theme worth exploring for us t-girls). Believing you are beautiful is the first step toward being seen as beautiful.

That's my way of saying, don't despair, Tara. You can choose a vicious circle (thinking you're not beautiful leading to feeling and being perceived as not beautiful while the cycle repeats in a downward spiral) or a virtuous circle (finding your beauty, building on it, and allowing the results to fuel further confidence and an upward spiral).

If it helps, start with that wonderful avatar. Lights and camera angles can do a lot, but what they do best is bring out something which is already there, only maybe hidden.

Lora

8888

Quote from: Dahlia on January 12, 2013, 10:42:55 AM
The more beautiful a MTF is, the more quickly she'll get read as a TS.

Not really, attention is more to do with the clothes you wear. All the people i've clocked so far bar one were dressed in high heels, leggings and short skirt. Generally more beautiful means more feminine/pretty, so it will only help you in passing. The exception was a woman with a beard. lol
  •  

muffinpants

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on January 12, 2013, 12:19:07 PM
Could not be put better!!!  Look heres a example most people find obese people "ugly" however there are soooo many people who attracted to that. Look beauty is subjective to each persona and everyone finds beauty to their owns tatses, dont just believe media beauty is the only beauty.

Everyone is beautiful to at least 1 person and thats fact! So dont go cry over something so subjective.
I'm going to agree with this! I have definitely been called a 'chubby ->-bleeped-<-' (not necessarily obese people, cus that is unhealthy and it makes me sad :(), I don't see how someone couldn't love a lil cushion for the pushin, hah. But really, confidence is the sexiest thing of all. You should love who you are and embrace the way you look and I can guarantee it will increase your attractiveness to yourself and others.
  •  

Elspeth

Quote from: translora on January 12, 2013, 02:14:47 PM
If it helps, start with that wonderful avatar. Lights and camera angles can do a lot, but what they do best is bring out something which is already there, only maybe hidden.

Also, I have a friend who is a fairly prominent photographer (though you'll hear the same thing from any photography course if you watch for it), that you usually have to reject more than 90% of shots to find those worth printing and promoting. This has more to do with the nature of photography than it has to do with anyone's appearance or appeal. Cameras and the rest ultimately just get in the way. It's not a reflection on you that only a few of them turn out even close to what you wish they were.
"Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future."
- Sonmi-451 in Cloud Atlas
  •  

Wild Flower

I can't tell based on your avatar... you could either be honest or too negative lol.

but based on your avatar you look decent if that helps any
"Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets."
  •