Hey,

So I came out to my parents yesterday, I'm still very early into my transition only been on Spiro for a month and few sessions of laser. I don't know what came over me but I was confident and just went with it (after a few shots of vodka to help me press the Send button).

Well, my dad got the email, tried to keep it short and to the point and emphasize the seriousness of my feelings and gender dysphoria.

It went better than I expected, no one blew up, just confused and concerned. My dad is stubborn but very rational, he did some research immediately so that he had some negative light to cast on it when I came to visit them today. I could see he was upset but he did a good job of keeping it under wraps.

The typical stuff came out in our talk, how I am being selfish, how I need to try to find other things to make me happy, how this will ruin my life, how it will be hard to find someone or I'll suffer discrimination, etc.. He said he wasn't sure if he could ever accept me if I did go ahead but at least he still wanted to talk and wasn't flat out rejection, despite that fact that all he was doing was trying to convince me against it.

Nothing I didn't expect otherwise and that I wasn't prepared for. I reassured him that I was going to take the transition slowly and that I didn't know when or even if I was going to get surgery, I think that put him at ease.

I was going to wait till I was further along in my transition but I knew they would take it harder if I didn't tell them early and give them time. I'm glad I did because I was right. I didn't want to compromise because I didn't want them to think I wasn't serious, I made it very clear that no threats would work and that I would do it with or without them,  that there really was no other choice.

But...

I was planning to visit family overseas in June, this is probably the last time I will see any of them because they would never accept me, that's a 100% thing. So he wants me to put hormones and laser on hold for 6 months till I come back so that I don't look too visibly different for them. Also I think he still hopes that I will somehow "get over it", no matter how much I tried to convince him that it doesn't work that way!

I said yes but I don't know, I kinda buckled because I saw a glimmer of hope that eventually they could accept me. At least he said that he would find it a lot easier if I gave him that time to sort it out. But I'm afraid that this will just prolong the denial and not force them to deal with it.

I'm really not sure, it seems like an insignificant amount of time in the grand scheme of things and I want to see my grandmother but it's harder than ever to go backwards.

Anyway, at least it went better than I expected, still not out of the woods, there's no guarantees that they will ever accept me even if I do pause it till after my trip but it's nice not to have to worry about coming out any longer.

Thanks for any advice.

Nice job, and congrats! Parents can be the hardest ones to come out to... That said, DO NOT put anything "on hold" for anyone else. The one regret ALL of us on this board have, and I can almost guarantee this, is that we didn't start last year, or five years ago, or twenty years ago, or before puberty. There will be no changes that you can't easily hide after six months of even full HRT and laser. At worst, you'll have little babyboobs that can be smoothed down with a tight undershirt or a Tshirt with an open button shirt over it. Every day you wait is another day of letting more beard follicles to grow in, more follicles on your head to shut down (for good in many cases), more masculinization of every feature of your face, not to mention the mental issues of having the dreaded T poison circulating around your system. Laser is neither here nor there, but all it does is make you look smooth shaven and about 10 years younger without the beard shadow. But if you are SURE of your decision, then do not go off your meds. Go visit your relatives, no one will know a thing.

My advice is, don't postpone your transition for anybody. It's your life, not theirs.

They are just in denial, in the negotiation phase, they still think there's hope for you to quit, and they feel they're not ready for the next step, that's why they want you to put on hold.

If they need time to understand the situation and accept you, give them time, but you should keep progressing on your transition no matter what.

QuoteThe one regret ALL of us on this board have, and I can almost guarantee this, is that we didn't start last year, or five years ago, or twenty years ago, or before puberty.

this

Thanks, that's how I feel. I think I'll just stay on Spiro and not mention it, it's another 3 months before my endo will put me on Oestrogen anyway so after that it's only 2 months wait till my trip. 6 months of Spiro should not be noticeable at all.

At the very least I won't have T causing any more damage.

An update regarding my dad though...

He was really nice to me today, nicer than usual and he said he wanted to visit a psychiatrist or psychologist with me, one other than the one I went to get my GID assessment. Which is great news because theres a few I know that have the right ideas and experience with gender so if they support me it should help a lot.

Also I think it means he's willing to try understand so there is hope still, going a lot better than I imagined.

Quote from: aleah on January 13, 2013, 07:49:55 AM
He was really nice to me today, nicer than usual and he said he wanted to visit a psychiatrist or psychologist with me, one other than the one I went to get my GID assessment. Which is great news because theres a few I know that have the right ideas and experience with gender so if they support me it should help a lot.

You choosing the psychologist will be key in making the visit work.  Otherwise they might conspire to try to find you some other diagnosis which would complicate things.  Lead to statements like, "But that dr. We went to said you could have ______!  Why aren't exploring that more?"

Congratulations on coming out to them too!